London was beautiful—freezing—but b

London was beautiful—freezing—but beautiful. My mother was ecstatic that I decided to move there spontaneously. It was so different from New York that I couldn’t even describe it. Even though the citizens still spoke English, I could barely understand them most of the time. Their accents could be so thick.
Layla showed me a few of the tourist spots as well as the better pubs she had been to. Even though nothing reminded me of Elisa, I still thought of her. Just an ad on the side of the cab was enough to make me think about her. If anything, I always thought of her until something distracted me. When the distraction was gone, my thoughts returned to her.
The biggest issue I had with London was the streets. The cars drove on the opposite side of the road and there were a lot of smaller one way streets. I almost got hit by cars a few times. Layla didn’t introduce me to her family but she introduced me to a few friends she had in the city. They were nice—difficult to understand—but nice.
Layla didn’t stay with me at my mom’s house. She stayed with her uncle a few streets away. I didn’t want my mom to assume that Layla was anything more than a friend. I wasn’t sure why Layla was so nice to me. I knew she was attracted to me and was interested in me, but I was an emotional wreck with a bunch of baggage. She would always be second best and she understood that. The revelation reminded me of myself. I was the same way with Elisa.
We went to the theatre one night and watched a play. Layla held my hand while we watched the show but I didn’t pull away. As long as she didn’t try to kiss me or seduce me, I was fine with it. And I wasn’t sure what her affection even meant—friendly or romantic. I assumed it was friendly since I was in so much pain. I wish I could just forget about Elisa and fall for Layla. I could tell the girl wouldn’t hurt me. She was a bit obsessed with me, really.
I still hadn’t turned on my phone because I didn’t want to deal with all the questions, emotions, and utter turmoil. My sister realized I was with our mom so she called her a few times. Every time my mom tried to get me on the phone, I left the townhouse. I knew my sister was pissed at me because of what I wrote in her letter. I basically told her she cared more about Ethan than me, and she didn’t give a shit about me whatsoever. She let her boyfriend disrespect me on a daily basis when her sister-in-law turned out to be the heartbreaker. I was pissed at Sadie. I didn’t care how mad she was. That’s how I really felt—like I didn’t matter.
I had dinner with my mom almost every evening. My mom’s boyfriend hadn’t come around yet. I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved or not. If I liked the guy, it would be a betrayal to my father, but if I didn’t like the guy, it would cause me trouble since he was my boss in a way.
I stabbed my broccoli with my fork while I ate at the kitchen table. I hadn’t seen my mom in seven years so it was difficult to become accustomed to her presence again.
“So, how are you liking it?” she asked.
“It’s beautiful.”
She smiled. “Now you know why I moved here. Americans are a bunch of rude idiots.”
“Mom, you’re American.”
“Yep.”
I smiled. “Well, at least you realize it.”
“But don’t tell anyone that you’re American.”
“They are going to figure it out by my accent.”
“Then speak in a British one.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not doing that.”
“It will happen eventually.”
I chewed my broccoli and ignored her comment.
“So why are you here, Jared?”
“I—I just wanted to leave the city.”
“I thought you loved it there.”
“I did.”
“And what changed?”
I shrugged. “I just didn’t like it anymore.”
“Does this have anything to do with a girl?”
My mom and I were never close and we weren’t going to start now. “No.”
“You’re a horrible liar. You make the same face your father makes.”
I averted my gaze. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay.”
I raised an eyebrow. That was it? She wasn’t going to pester me.
“What?”
“You’re not going to try to pull it out of me?”
She shook her head. “You’re an adult. It’s none of my business unless you want it to be.”
“Thanks.”
“So, who’s that girl you’re always with?”
“My friend, Layla.”
“Is she from New York?”
“Yeah. She’s just helping me get settled.”
“That’s very nice of her.”
“Yeah.”
“And she’s going to leave?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmm.”
“What?”
“You don’t like her? She’s very beautiful.”
“We’re just friends,” I said quickly.
“I can’t imagine what this other girl must have looked like, then. She must have been truly exceptional.”
She was but I would never say that. There was an awkward silence that passed between us. My chewing became amplified in my ears.
“How’s work?”
“It’s good.”
“You like it?”
I shrugged. “It’s fine. It’s a job.”
“Roger says everyone loves you already.”
“Well, that’s good.”
“You must be a lot more charming at work than at home,” she said with a smile.
“I’m sorry. I’m just not myself lately.”
“I understand.”
I drank from my glass of water then returned it to the table.
“So, how’s Sadie?”
“She’s good.”
“Anything new with her?”
I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure if Sadie was planning on telling her that she was engaged. I knew she didn’t want her there. “Uh, no.” I was pissed at my sister but I would still cover her ass.
“And your father?”
“Why do you ask if you don’t really care?” I snapped.
Her eyes widened. “I do care.”
I didn’t meet her gaze and continued to eat.
“Jared, our divorce was the greatest thing that happened to both of us. He and I are both happy. I still love and respect him.”
I knew my dad wasn’t happy. He was lonely. I spent as much time with him as I could but it was never enough. And he never moved on because he still loved my mom, for whatever reason.
I pushed my plate away. “I’m going to bed.”
“Jared?”
“What?” I placed my plate in the sink.
“I’m always here if you need to talk.”
“I know, Mom.”
“Good night, baby.”
“Night.”
When I went into my bedroom, I finally turned on my phone. My message box was full. I didn’t feel like listening to any of them. I was glad it couldn’t hold any more messages. I wished I could just delete them without listening to them.
I called Layla. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“What time do you leave tomorrow?”
“In the morning.”
“Oh.”
“You sad to see me go?”
“Yeah,” I said with a smile.
“I’ll be back soon.”
“You can’t stay for Christmas?”
“No. The holidays are the busiest time of year for us.”
I laughed. “That makes sense.”
“We can still Skype.”
“I would like that.”
“Or you could you just come home with me.”
“You know I can’t do that.”
“Have you talked to anyone?”
“No. My message box is full so they must be eager to get a hold of me.”
“Yikes. That’s going to take a while to go through.”
“Yeah.”
“Has your mom talked to them?”
“Sadie calls every day.”
“And what does she say?”
“I don’t know. I always leave the house.”
“You can’t avoid her forever.”
“I know. I just want them to accept the fact that I’m staying.”
“It sounds like you’re afraid she’ll convince you to come home.”
“Maybe.”
She yawned. “Well, I should go to bed.”
“Me too.”
“Are you coming to the airport with me?”
“Yeah. I’ll go before work.”
“Okay. I’ll see you then.”
“Bye.”
I hung up then turned off my phone again. I stared at the ceiling, unable to think about anything but Elisa. Did I make a mistake going there? If I was so in love with her, why shouldn’t I just be with her? Maybe I should give her another chance. But then the doubt came back. I had to stay strong. She would just hurt me over and over again. I had to stay strong.
Perhaps I was more depressed because Christmas was coming. I fantasized about waking up with Elisa in my arms then making love to her quietly. The kids would come to the door and demand to open gifts. We could sit under the tree, drinking hot cocoa as we watched their eyes light up in joy. When the tears burned my eyes, I closed them and started to count to a hundred. When I reached the eighties, I fell asleep.