I can’t sleep. There’s too much to

I can’t sleep. There’s too much to do and it’s already late.
I take a shower. dress as simply as I can, then stare at the set of Louis Vuitton luggage I usually take with me on trips. It’s a ten-piece set that cost a fortune. My parents gave it to me as a graduation present after high school, along with a month-long trip to Europe.
I can’t pack in this.
I pull my closet apart looking for something else I can use, but I can’t find anything suitable.
It sort of defeats the purpose, though, to go on a back-to-basics trip with luggage that costs more than the truck we’re riding in. Besides, the idea of lugging a huge suitcase into a camp site is just ridiculous. If I’m going to do this, I want to do it right.
My cheerleading bag is still on the floor of my closet. I pick it up and groan. This thing is tiny, but I can’t find anything else.
Never in my life have I packed in something so small. Not even for an overnight trip.
I’m not sure I can do this.
Part of me says to lift my chin and just do it. I can live in the woods, right? I don’t need all this fancy stuff.
But part of me says I’m insane for even considering it. What if I start throwing up with morning sickness? Am I really going to want to be without basic comforts?
I shake my head and take a deep breath. I’m not going to talk myself out of it before I’ve even given myself a chance. Maybe I’ll be a natural outdoors-woman.
It’ll be an adventure.
And most importantly, it will be my only real chance to find out if there’s potential for a future with Mason.
I square my shoulders and set the bag down on my bed, then get to work choosing what I’m going to take.
First, the very basics. I’ll need underwear. I can probably make do with seven pairs. Enough for one week and then I can either wash them in the sink or find a place to do laundry. Maybe we’ll stay in a hotel that has laundry service. I stuff them into the bag.
What else? I’ll need shampoo and deodorant and stuff like that. But when I walk into my bathroom, I feel like I’m going to cry. I use more products on a daily basis than I could fit in two of those bags. I don’t want to look gross the whole time.
I have a few travel bottles of shampoo, so I put those into a small makeup bag. I take my brush, deodorant, moisturizer, toothpaste, mouthwash...crap. It’s already too much stuff.
My muscles tense. This shouldn’t be so hard! It’s stupid! If I can’t pack light enough to go on a outdoor adventure, then I really am a snotty rich girl.
Come on, Penelope, get it together.
I compromise and decide to pack my clothes in the cheer bag and my makeup and stuff in my Louis Vuitton train case. It’s not ideal, but at least I’m trying, right?
I am able to put most of my makeup and essentials in the train case, but the clothes bag is a nightmare.
I finally narrow it down to one pair of jeans—the ones that really hug my butt because Mason always comments when I wear them—a pair of cutoff jean shorts, khaki shorts, a short black dress that rolls into a teeny little ball, ten basic colored tanktops, a couple pairs of flip-flops, two bikinis, and a black mini-skirt. I have to really squish the bag together to get it to zip, but when it does, a triumphant smile breaks out across my face.
See? I’m not so terrible at this after all.
I look around my room, trying to figure out what else I can’t live without for the next couple of months.
I grab the bottle of prenatal vitamins the doctor gave me. I dump them into a plain plastic bag and toss the bottle into the trash. This is only a one month supply, so I’ll have to pick some up when we’re out on the road if we’re gone longer than that.
I know I won’t be able to stay gone too long. I’m going to need to come home and get a proper appointment with an OBGYN and make sure I’m taking care of the baby. Dr. Mallory told me most people schedule their first visit for between eight and ten weeks along. According to the measurements of the baby, I’m a little over five weeks now.
Which means I’ve only got about five weeks before I absolutely need to get back home for an appointment.
I take a deep breath and touch my belly. It’s hard to believe there’s a tiny little baby growing inside of me. I feel completely normal, but there’s this fluttering heartbeat deep inside. It’s such a strange thing to create a life. Strange and beautiful and terrifying all at once.
I know I’m taking a huge risk leaving my comfort zone and the shelter of my parents’ house right now, but I’ll do anything to give this baby a chance to grow up with two parents who love each other.
I have to know if there’s a chance for more between us.
I glance at the clock and see that it won’t be long before the sun starts coming up.
I grab a pen and notepad from my desk and walk out onto the balcony. I sit down in the chair and look out over the garden. It’s dark outside, but in the distance, there is a tiny haze of light beginning to show. I don’t have much time.
There’s nothing I can say to my parents in a note that will keep them from freaking out over me being gone, but I know I can’t just leave without saying anything. They’d come after me.
I need them to give me space and respect my decision to leave.
But I’ve never done anything like this before, and I don’t even know where to start.
Finally, I just scribble the following note:

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know I’ve disappointed you lately, and I’m sorry about everything I’ve put you through.
I need some time away to think through some things. I need to be on my own for a while, and I need you to respect my privacy.
I’ll be out of touch for a while, but I’m with a friend who will take good care of me. I’ll try not to stay gone too long. I can’t tell you where I’m gong, because I’m not exactly sure yet. It will be a true adventure!
I need some time to step away from my life here and really think about what I want for my future.
I hope you’ll understand that I’m not doing this to hurt you or scare you. I’m doing this for me.
I’m not sure when I’m coming home, but if I’m going to be gone longer than a month or two, I’ll make sure to call and let you know that I’m safe. Please don’t look for me.

All my love,
Penny

I leave the note on my pillow, grab my two bags, and tiptoe down the stairs. I go out the back door, avoiding the night guard out front. I climb over the fence near the pool, feeling equal parts devious child and determined woman.

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

Aku tidak bisa tidur. Ada terlalu banyak yang harus dilakukan dan itu sudah terlambat.Aku mengambil mandi. berpakaian sebagai hanya seperti yang saya bisa, kemudian menatap set Louis Vuitton Bagasi biasanya mengambil dengan saya dalam perjalanan. Ini adalah satu set 10-sepotong yang harganya mahal. Orang tua saya memberikannya kepada saya sebagai wisuda hadir setelah sekolah tinggi, bersama dengan bulan-panjang perjalanan ke Eropa.Saya tidak berkemas di dalam hal ini.Aku menarik saya lemari apart mencari sesuatu yang lain dapat saya gunakan, tapi aku tidak bisa menemukan sesuatu yang cocok.Itu semacam mengalahkan tujuan, meskipun, untuk pergi pada perjalanan kembali-to-dasar dengan Bagasi yang biaya lebih dari truk kami sedang naik. Selain itu, ide menyeret sebuah koper yang besar ke situs kamp itu hanya konyol. Jika aku akan melakukan hal ini, saya ingin melakukannya dengan benar.Tas pemandu sorak saya adalah masih di lantai lemari saya. Aku mengambilnya dan mengerang. Hal ini kecil, tetapi saya tidak dapat menemukan apa pun.Tidak pernah dalam hidupku telah aku makan sesuatu yang begitu kecil. Bahkan tidak untuk perjalanan semalaman.Saya tidak yakin saya bisa melakukan ini.Bagian dari diriku mengatakan untuk mengangkat dagu saya dan lakukan saja. Aku bisa hidup di hutan, kanan? Aku tidak perlu semua barang-barang mewah ini.Tapi bagian dari diriku mengatakan aku gila untuk bahkan mempertimbangkan itu. Bagaimana jika saya mulai muntah-muntah dengan penyakit pagi? Aku benar-benar akan ingin menjadi tanpa dasar kenyamanan?Aku menggelengkan kepala dan mengambil napas dalam-dalam. Aku tidak akan berbicara diri dari itu sebelum aku bahkan sudah memberikan diriku kesempatan. Mungkin aku akan seorang Outdoor alam.Ini akan menjadi sebuah petualangan.Dan yang paling penting, ini akan menjadi kesempatan saya hanya nyata untuk mengetahui jika ada potensi untuk masa depan dengan Mason.Aku persegi bahu saya dan meletakkan tas di tempat tidur saya, kemudian mulai bekerja memilih apa yang akan saya mengambil.Pertama, sangat mendasar. Aku akan perlu pakaian. Aku mungkin dapat membuat lakukan dengan tujuh pasang. Cukup untuk satu minggu dan kemudian saya dapat mencuci mereka di wastafel atau mencari tempat untuk melakukan binatu. Mungkin kita akan tinggal di sebuah hotel yang memiliki layanan binatu. Saya barang-barang mereka ke dalam kantong.Apa lagi? Aku akan perlu sampo dan deodoran dan hal-hal seperti itu. Tapi ketika saya berjalan ke kamar mandi saya, saya merasa seperti aku akan menangis. Saya menggunakan lebih banyak produk pada setiap hari daripada yang saya bisa muat dalam dua kantong mereka. Aku tidak ingin terlihat kotor sepanjang waktu.Aku punya beberapa perjalanan botol sampo, jadi aku meletakkan mereka ke dalam kantong make-up kecil. Saya mengambil saya sikat, deodoran, pelembab, pasta gigi, obat kumur... omong kosong. Hal ini sudah terlalu banyak hal.Saya otot-otot tegang. Ini tidak boleh begitu keras! Ini bodoh! Jika saya tidak berkemas cahaya yang cukup untuk pergi pada petualangan kolam, maka benar-benar saya seorang gadis kaya yang kotor.Ayo, Penelope, mendapatkannya bersama-sama.Aku kompromi dan memutuskan untuk Pak pakaian di tas bersorak dan makeup saya dan hal-hal di saya Louis Vuitton kereta kasus. Ianya tidak ideal, tapi setidaknya aku mencoba, benar?Aku mampu menempatkan sebagian besar saya make up dan hal-hal penting dalam kasus kereta, tapi tas pakaian adalah mimpi buruk.I finally narrow it down to one pair of jeans—the ones that really hug my butt because Mason always comments when I wear them—a pair of cutoff jean shorts, khaki shorts, a short black dress that rolls into a teeny little ball, ten basic colored tanktops, a couple pairs of flip-flops, two bikinis, and a black mini-skirt. I have to really squish the bag together to get it to zip, but when it does, a triumphant smile breaks out across my face.See? I’m not so terrible at this after all.I look around my room, trying to figure out what else I can’t live without for the next couple of months.I grab the bottle of prenatal vitamins the doctor gave me. I dump them into a plain plastic bag and toss the bottle into the trash. This is only a one month supply, so I’ll have to pick some up when we’re out on the road if we’re gone longer than that.I know I won’t be able to stay gone too long. I’m going to need to come home and get a proper appointment with an OBGYN and make sure I’m taking care of the baby. Dr. Mallory told me most people schedule their first visit for between eight and ten weeks along. According to the measurements of the baby, I’m a little over five weeks now.Which means I’ve only got about five weeks before I absolutely need to get back home for an appointment.I take a deep breath and touch my belly. It’s hard to believe there’s a tiny little baby growing inside of me. I feel completely normal, but there’s this fluttering heartbeat deep inside. It’s such a strange thing to create a life. Strange and beautiful and terrifying all at once.I know I’m taking a huge risk leaving my comfort zone and the shelter of my parents’ house right now, but I’ll do anything to give this baby a chance to grow up with two parents who love each other.I have to know if there’s a chance for more between us.I glance at the clock and see that it won’t be long before the sun starts coming up.I grab a pen and notepad from my desk and walk out onto the balcony. I sit down in the chair and look out over the garden. It’s dark outside, but in the distance, there is a tiny haze of light beginning to show. I don’t have much time.There’s nothing I can say to my parents in a note that will keep them from freaking out over me being gone, but I know I can’t just leave without saying anything. They’d come after me.I need them to give me space and respect my decision to leave.But I’ve never done anything like this before, and I don’t even know where to start.Finally, I just scribble the following note:Dear Mom and Dad,I know I’ve disappointed you lately, and I’m sorry about everything I’ve put you through.I need some time away to think through some things. I need to be on my own for a while, and I need you to respect my privacy.I’ll be out of touch for a while, but I’m with a friend who will take good care of me. I’ll try not to stay gone too long. I can’t tell you where I’m gong, because I’m not exactly sure yet. It will be a true adventure!I need some time to step away from my life here and really think about what I want for my future.I hope you’ll understand that I’m not doing this to hurt you or scare you. I’m doing this for me.I’m not sure when I’m coming home, but if I’m going to be gone longer than a month or two, I’ll make sure to call and let you know that I’m safe. Please don’t look for me.All my love,PennyI leave the note on my pillow, grab my two bags, and tiptoe down the stairs. I go out the back door, avoiding the night guard out front. I climb over the fence near the pool, feeling equal parts devious child and determined woman.