“Are you still attending the meetin

“Are you still attending the meetings at college, sweetheart?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“Are you still eating right? Still keeping your appointments with Dr. Lund?”
“Daddy! I’ve not missed one appointment! Not one in years. Can we stop raking over this ground every time you call?” I groaned.
My daddy was silent for a while, then spoke in a hushed tone. “Lexi, it’s your senior year. You’ve made the varsity cheer team, which you know is a trigger for you, and the pressure’s only getting more intense academically. And since Daisy passed…” Every muscle in my body instantly tensed. “Well, you can’t blame Momma and me for worrying about you handling it all.”
Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose between my finger and thumb. “I know. But I’m good, Daddy. I promise.”
“Okay, sweetheart.” The line went quiet and my daddy whispered, “I’m so proud of you. That you went out there, fought all your fears, and took back your life. I only wish we could’ve seen you.”
My throat was clogged as I heard the strength of emotion coming from my daddy. I hadn’t heard him like this since the day I’d left hospital. “I understand, Daddy. You have your patients to worry about. They’re more important than watching me cheer.”
He huffed out a small laugh. “They’re important, sweetheart. But I don’t think I’m ever as happy as when I watch you cheer. You get that look on your face, the one that tells me your soul is happy. It’s been too long since I saw you like that.”
“I know,” I said softly.
“Call us soon. And remember, we’re always here if you’re having a bad day.”
“Okay. Tell Momma I love her.”
“Stay strong, sweetheart.”
With that, he hung up and, minutes later, I was still gripping my cell. The one that tells me your soul is happy. I hadn’t realized my daddy thought that way. But then again, I didn’t care much about anyone or anything back when the voice had me in its hold. When my days were about counting grams of fat and denying myself food… about striving for perfection—thin and wonderful perfection. It was all about me. It was always about food.
I wasn’t selfish; counseling had taught me that. I was sick and couldn’t see beyond my goal… my… disorder.
I hated thinking about that time. It’s hard for me to remember how it felt, not because of the guilt, but because I may be tempted to go back. That temptation would always be there. There’d always be the chance that I’d fall again. But I’d come so far and it was too hurtful to think of the broken young girl I was back then.
Flopping back on my black, quilted bed, I stared at the patterns in the ceiling of my sorority room, then over to the calendar on my wall.
Over one thousand days had passed.
Four years today.
Four years ago, on this very day, I was announced cured, and my parents gave me permission to attend college. Local, of course. No way were they letting me move to another state where they couldn’t intervene if I relapsed.
Cured. A strange word. I knew I wasn’t cured—at least not really. I fought daily, hourly against the urge to go back to that time. I still regarded food as my enemy; extreme exercise and starvation were my friends. But I wouldn’t go back. Couldn’t. I was stronger. Improved. I had new friends, friends who knew nothing of my troubled past. I had a life again and I wouldn’t give it up. I had to keep moving forward, no retreat, no surrender.
Lexington, you have put on weight… interrupted the voice I fought so hard to quell, a haunting echo in the back of mind. Your hips are wider… There is cellulite on your thighs. You know how to get better. Just let me in, give yourself over to me…
He never left me. He was always there, waiting for the ideal moment to pounce. Waiting for me to weaken just enough to let him take back control.
Shaking my head, I pushed him back into his cave. He would not escape again. If he did, I knew he would eventually win, and I wouldn’t be able to go on. He would finally succeed in killing me.
A knock sounded at my door, and it burst open, jerking me from my dark thoughts. Cass, my blond Texan best friend, the girl who spoke without a filter. The saying was true: everything was bigger in Texas, including Cass. But I envied her. She owned it. Lived it. Wore her size with pride.
As soon as I saw her, I sat up straight, grinning wide, playing the role of the happy-go-lucky girl who always wears a smile. The girl who hides behind her makeup, the reinvented girl who came to UA to escape her past. That made-up girl is the only “Lexi” my friends have ever truly known.
“Yo, biotch! How’s it hangin’?” Cass walked into the room, wearing rhinestone jeans with her usual skintight black tank, and she slumped down on my black velvet loveseat at the side of the room.
“What you doing in bed at five p.m.?” Her blue eyes suddenly widened. “Oh shit! Were you flicking the bean? Do you need some…” She bowed her head and whispered behind her hand, “Lexi time?”
Grabbing my pillow, I groaned and launched it at Cass’s head just as she lifted her middle finger on her left hand, rotated it like a vibrator, and licked her lips. The pillow hit her square in the face, and she scowled.
“Fine, but there’s no shame in getting yourself off… Just saying! I do it at least twice a day. Well, I did until Jimmy-Don started taking care of that shit for me. Lord, what that guy can do with just the tip of his tongue!”
“Thanks for letting me know, Cass,” I said dryly. She just wiggled her eyebrows at me in response.
“So where’s Ally and Molls?” I asked. Ally, the prettiest girl I’d ever seen, courtesy of her Spanish mother’s Latino exotic looks, and Molly, our British transfer genius who had just arrived here at UA a few months back to get her Masters. She was beautiful underneath her mass of brown hair and thick geek glasses. And Molly, the most private girl I knew, had managed to capture the attention of the most popular guy on campus—Rome “Bullet” Prince, Ally’s cousin and star quarterback for the Tide.
“Studying, I think?” Cass finally answered.
Cass shifted in her seat and, glancing at the slightly ajar door, leaned forward. “What the hell’s up with Molls and Rome?”
“I don’t know. Never known the guy to care for anyone but his friends, and then Molls arrives and suddenly he’s always watching her, trying to talk to her.”
“He’s sure got folks talking.”
“Has Molls said anything else about it to you?” I asked.
Cass hit me with her yeah-right expression. “Nah, darlin’. You know that chick’s not into sharing her feelings. But, fuck, Rome Prince! What I wouldn’t give to be rammed from behind by that dude!”
My eyes darted to movement at the door. “Hey, Molls! Hey, Ally!”
Molly timidly entered the room, pushing her thick black glasses up on her nose. Ally followed behind, scowling at Cass in reprimand.
“What are you talking about? I heard my name mentioned,” Molly asked warily.
I swallowed and snapped my gaze to Cass, who was just casually lounging back on the loveseat.
“Erm…” I mumbled, thankful my white makeup covered the red blush of my embarrassment.
Cass rolled her eyes. “We were talking about you getting all dripping wet for Rome Prince! Mr. Turn-any-pussy-into-a-faucet!”
Ally made a gagging sound. “Cass! He’s my cousin! Jesus Christ! The guy’s like my damn brother!”
Molly’s brown eyes were huge behind the lenses of her glasses, and she sputtered, “Bloody hell, Cass! Could you be any more crude!”
Cass winked. “Okay, we’re talking about how Bullet Prince’s got a big rock-hard boner for you.” She looked at Molls. “That better for her majesty?”
Molly was now bright red, and Ally put an arm around her shoulders. “Nothing’s happening between us,” Molly muttered. Even Ally looked like she didn’t believe that excuse of a statement.
“Bullshit!” Cass spat out.
Molly dropped her books on my dresser and her hands hit her hips. “Cass, enough!”
Cass shrugged. “Whatever, Molls. You’ll be riding that bullet train in no time; you mark my words.”
Molly sighed and gripped the bridge of her nose. “Why do I bother?” she whispered.
“So now I’m with my hunky cowboy JD, Molls is sooo gonna be boning Bullet, Ally, well, she’s just too beautiful to remain single for long, so that only leaves you, Sexy Lexi, my little goth princess,” Cass said, leaning forward on the seat.
Molly and Ally walked over and sat beside me. Molly stared at the wooden floor. Cass tended to induce that shell-shocked demeanor in our timid English friend.
“I don’t think so, Cass. Not into the boy thing, thanks,” I assured.
Cass nodded and pursed her lips. “Ahh… You’re into pootang, not pork swords. The makeup, the weird clothes, the metal music, it finally makes sense.”
“Cass—”
“No, Lex, I get it. I’ve seen you checking out my rack. It’s cool. There’ll be some pussy we can hook you up with. I know, we’ll start with the ladies soccer team. Those bitches love—”
“Cass! I’m not a lesbian! Just stop!”
“Okay, calm down, girl! Ain’t no shame in licking clits.”
“Good Lord! Molly, Ally, can you get through to her!” I said, clearly exasperated beyond measure.
Molly laid her hand on my back, causing me to stop breathing and clench my teeth. I hated my back being touched.
Molly faced Cass. “I think she is simply saying she is not ready for a boyfriend yet, Cass. Leave her be. It’s none of our business.”
Cass was suddenly serious. “Why, Lex? You’ve never had a guy in the entire time I’ve known you. What’s going on?”
My heart set off thundering in my chest and my palms began to sweat. Molly’s hand froze on my back, and I knew she’d felt my tense reaction. At least she was the one person who was more private that me; she wouldn’t say anything.
“I just don’t, Cass. Let’s draw a line under that conversation, ’kay?”
Cass sighed and threw up her hands but let it go when I moved to check out the time on my phone.
Hell, I’m late!

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

"Apakah Anda masih menghadiri pertemuan di college, sayang?""Ya, ayah.""Apakah Anda masih makan tepat? Masih menjaga janji Anda dengan Dr Lund?""Ayah! Aku tidak pernah merindukan wawancara! Tidak satu tahun. Kita bisa menghentikan menyapu atas tanah ini setiap kali Anda menghubungi?" Saya mengerang.Ayahku adalah diam untuk sementara, kemudian berbicara dengan nada yang sunyi. "Lexi, itu adalah tahun senior Anda. Anda telah membuat tim cheer Universitas, yang Anda tahu adalah pemicu bagi Anda, dan tekanan hanya mendapatkan lebih intens akademis. Dan sejak Daisy berlalu..." Setiap otot di tubuh saya langsung tegang. "Yah, Anda tidak bisa menyalahkan Momma dan saya untuk khawatir tentang Anda menangani semua itu."Mendesah, aku mencubit jembatan hidung antara jari dan ibu jari. "Aku tahu. Tetapi saya baik, ayah. Aku berjanji.""Oke, sweetheart." Garis pergi tenang dan ayah saya berbisik, "saya sangat bangga padamu. Bahwa Anda pergi di luar sana, berjuang semua ketakutan Anda dan mengambil kembali hidup Anda. Saya hanya berharap kita bisa lihat Anda. "Tenggorokan saya adalah tersumbat ketika aku mendengar kekuatan emosi datang dari ayahku. Aku belum pernah mendengar dia seperti ini sejak hari aku telah meninggalkan rumah sakit. "Aku mengerti, ayah. Anda memiliki pasien Anda perlu khawatir. They're lebih penting daripada menonton saya menghibur."Dia huffed keluar tertawa kecil. "Mereka adalah penting, sweetheart. Tapi saya tidak berpikir saya pernah bahagia seperti ketika saya menonton Anda menghibur. Anda mendapatkan yang terlihat di wajah Anda, yang memberitahu saya jiwa Anda bahagia. Sudah terlalu lama sejak aku melihatmu seperti itu. ""Aku tahu," kataku lembut."Hubungi kami segera. Dan ingat, kami selalu di sini jika Anda mengalami hari yang buruk.""Oke. Katakan Momma aku mencintainya.""Tetap kuat, sweetheart."Dengan itu, ia menutup dan, menit kemudian, aku masih mencekam sel saya. Salah satu yang mengatakan padaku jiwa Anda bahagia. Aku tidak menyadari ayah saya berpikir seperti itu. Tapi sekali lagi, saya tidak peduli banyak tentang seseorang atau sesuatu kembali ketika suara telah saya dalam terus nya. Ketika hari-hari saya masih tentang menghitung gram lemak dan menyangkal diri sendiri makanan... tentang berjuang untuk kesempurnaan-kesempurnaan tipis dan indah. Itu semua tentang aku. Itu selalu tentang makanan.Aku tidak egois; konseling telah mengajari saya bahwa. Aku sakit dan tidak bisa melihat melampaui tujuan saya... saya... gangguan.Aku benci berpikir tentang waktu itu. Sulit bagi saya untuk mengingat bagaimana rasanya, bukan karena kesalahan, tapi karena aku mungkin tergoda untuk kembali. Godaan itu akan selalu berada di sana. Akan selalu ada kesempatan bahwa aku akan jatuh lagi. Tapi aku akan datang sejauh ini dan itu terlalu menyakitkan untuk berpikir gadis muda rusak saya sudah kembali kemudian.Menjatuhkan diri kembali di tempat tidurku hitam, berlapis, aku menatap pola-pola di langit-langit kamar asrama saya, kemudian atas ke kalender di dinding saya.Lebih dari seribu hari telah berlalu.Empat tahun hari ini.Empat tahun yang lalu, pada hari ini, saya diumumkan disembuhkan, dan orang tua saya memberi saya izin untuk menghadiri kuliah. Lokal, tentu saja. Tidak ada cara mereka yang membiarkan saya pindah ke negara lain dimana mereka tidak bisa campur tangan jika saya kambuh.Cured. A strange word. I knew I wasn’t cured—at least not really. I fought daily, hourly against the urge to go back to that time. I still regarded food as my enemy; extreme exercise and starvation were my friends. But I wouldn’t go back. Couldn’t. I was stronger. Improved. I had new friends, friends who knew nothing of my troubled past. I had a life again and I wouldn’t give it up. I had to keep moving forward, no retreat, no surrender.Lexington, you have put on weight… interrupted the voice I fought so hard to quell, a haunting echo in the back of mind. Your hips are wider… There is cellulite on your thighs. You know how to get better. Just let me in, give yourself over to me…He never left me. He was always there, waiting for the ideal moment to pounce. Waiting for me to weaken just enough to let him take back control.Shaking my head, I pushed him back into his cave. He would not escape again. If he did, I knew he would eventually win, and I wouldn’t be able to go on. He would finally succeed in killing me.A knock sounded at my door, and it burst open, jerking me from my dark thoughts. Cass, my blond Texan best friend, the girl who spoke without a filter. The saying was true: everything was bigger in Texas, including Cass. But I envied her. She owned it. Lived it. Wore her size with pride.As soon as I saw her, I sat up straight, grinning wide, playing the role of the happy-go-lucky girl who always wears a smile. The girl who hides behind her makeup, the reinvented girl who came to UA to escape her past. That made-up girl is the only “Lexi” my friends have ever truly known.“Yo, biotch! How’s it hangin’?” Cass walked into the room, wearing rhinestone jeans with her usual skintight black tank, and she slumped down on my black velvet loveseat at the side of the room.“What you doing in bed at five p.m.?” Her blue eyes suddenly widened. “Oh shit! Were you flicking the bean? Do you need some…” She bowed her head and whispered behind her hand, “Lexi time?”Grabbing my pillow, I groaned and launched it at Cass’s head just as she lifted her middle finger on her left hand, rotated it like a vibrator, and licked her lips. The pillow hit her square in the face, and she scowled.“Fine, but there’s no shame in getting yourself off… Just saying! I do it at least twice a day. Well, I did until Jimmy-Don started taking care of that shit for me. Lord, what that guy can do with just the tip of his tongue!”“Thanks for letting me know, Cass,” I said dryly. She just wiggled her eyebrows at me in response.“So where’s Ally and Molls?” I asked. Ally, the prettiest girl I’d ever seen, courtesy of her Spanish mother’s Latino exotic looks, and Molly, our British transfer genius who had just arrived here at UA a few months back to get her Masters. She was beautiful underneath her mass of brown hair and thick geek glasses. And Molly, the most private girl I knew, had managed to capture the attention of the most popular guy on campus—Rome “Bullet” Prince, Ally’s cousin and star quarterback for the Tide.“Studying, I think?” Cass finally answered.Cass shifted in her seat and, glancing at the slightly ajar door, leaned forward. “What the hell’s up with Molls and Rome?”“I don’t know. Never known the guy to care for anyone but his friends, and then Molls arrives and suddenly he’s always watching her, trying to talk to her.”“He’s sure got folks talking.”“Has Molls said anything else about it to you?” I asked.Cass hit me with her yeah-right expression. “Nah, darlin’. You know that chick’s not into sharing her feelings. But, fuck, Rome Prince! What I wouldn’t give to be rammed from behind by that dude!”My eyes darted to movement at the door. “Hey, Molls! Hey, Ally!”Molly timidly entered the room, pushing her thick black glasses up on her nose. Ally followed behind, scowling at Cass in reprimand.“What are you talking about? I heard my name mentioned,” Molly asked warily.I swallowed and snapped my gaze to Cass, who was just casually lounging back on the loveseat.“Erm…” I mumbled, thankful my white makeup covered the red blush of my embarrassment.Cass rolled her eyes. “We were talking about you getting all dripping wet for Rome Prince! Mr. Turn-any-pussy-into-a-faucet!”Ally made a gagging sound. “Cass! He’s my cousin! Jesus Christ! The guy’s like my damn brother!”Molly’s brown eyes were huge behind the lenses of her glasses, and she sputtered, “Bloody hell, Cass! Could you be any more crude!”Cass winked. “Okay, we’re talking about how Bullet Prince’s got a big rock-hard boner for you.” She looked at Molls. “That better for her majesty?”Molly was now bright red, and Ally put an arm around her shoulders. “Nothing’s happening between us,” Molly muttered. Even Ally looked like she didn’t believe that excuse of a statement.“Bullshit!” Cass spat out.Molly dropped her books on my dresser and her hands hit her hips. “Cass, enough!”Cass shrugged. “Whatever, Molls. You’ll be riding that bullet train in no time; you mark my words.”Molly sighed and gripped the bridge of her nose. “Why do I bother?” she whispered.“So now I’m with my hunky cowboy JD, Molls is sooo gonna be boning Bullet, Ally, well, she’s just too beautiful to remain single for long, so that only leaves you, Sexy Lexi, my little goth princess,” Cass said, leaning forward on the seat.Molly and Ally walked over and sat beside me. Molly stared at the wooden floor. Cass tended to induce that shell-shocked demeanor in our timid English friend.
“I don’t think so, Cass. Not into the boy thing, thanks,” I assured.
Cass nodded and pursed her lips. “Ahh… You’re into pootang, not pork swords. The makeup, the weird clothes, the metal music, it finally makes sense.”
“Cass—”
“No, Lex, I get it. I’ve seen you checking out my rack. It’s cool. There’ll be some pussy we can hook you up with. I know, we’ll start with the ladies soccer team. Those bitches love—”
“Cass! I’m not a lesbian! Just stop!”
“Okay, calm down, girl! Ain’t no shame in licking clits.”
“Good Lord! Molly, Ally, can you get through to her!” I said, clearly exasperated beyond measure.
Molly laid her hand on my back, causing me to stop breathing and clench my teeth. I hated my back being touched.
Molly faced Cass. “I think she is simply saying she is not ready for a boyfriend yet, Cass. Leave her be. It’s none of our business.”
Cass was suddenly serious. “Why, Lex? You’ve never had a guy in the entire time I’ve known you. What’s going on?”
My heart set off thundering in my chest and my palms began to sweat. Molly’s hand froze on my back, and I knew she’d felt my tense reaction. At least she was the one person who was more private that me; she wouldn’t say anything.
“I just don’t, Cass. Let’s draw a line under that conversation, ’kay?”
Cass sighed and threw up her hands but let it go when I moved to check out the time on my phone.
Hell, I’m late!