When I pause in front of his studio

When I pause in front of his studio, I’m contemplating making a decision that I won’t be proud of tomorrow. If I walk inside, I know what will happen between us. And while I know with Trey being out of town, the likelihood of his ever finding out about this is slim, it still doesn’t make it okay.
The thought of his finding out about it also doesn’t make me want to do it any less.
Before I can even make the choice for myself, the door opens and Owen’s hand reaches out for mine. He pulls me inside the dark studio and closes the door behind me, clicking the lock into place. I wait for my eyes to adjust to the darkness and my conscience to adjust to the fact that I’m here. Inside his studio.
“You shouldn’t stand outside like that,” he says. “Someone might see you.”
I’m not sure whom he’s referring to, but there isn’t a chance of Trey seeing me tonight, considering he’s in San Antonio. “He’s out of town.”
Owen is standing less than two feet away, watching me with his head tilted to the side. I can see a faint smile cross his lips. “So I was told.”
I look down at my feet, embarrassed. I close my eyes and try to talk myself out of this. I’m putting everything at risk by being here. I know if I could shut down the thoughts that have been going through my head, I would be able to see that this isn’t smart. Whether we get caught or not, being with him won’t make anything better. It’ll just make it worse, because I’ll more than likely want him even more after tonight.
“I shouldn’t be here,” I say quietly.
He’s eyeing me with his same unwavering expression. “But you are.”
“Only because you pulled me inside without asking.”
He laughs quietly. “You were standing outside my door trying to decide what to do. I just helped make the decision for you.”
“I haven’t made any decision yet.”
He nods. “Yes you have, Auburn. You’ve made a lot of decisions. You chose to be with Trey for the long haul. And now you’re choosing to be with me for the night.”
I bite my bottom lip and glance away from him. I don’t like his comment, no matter how much truth is in it. Sometimes the truth hurts, and having him lay it out like that makes it seem more black and white than it really is.
“You’re being unfair.”
“No, I’m being selfish,” he says.
“It’s the same thing.”
He takes a step toward me. “No, Auburn, it isn’t. Unfair would be giving you an ultimatum. Being selfish is doing something like this.” His lips connect with mine with strength and purpose. His hands slide into my hair and wrap around the back of my head. He kisses me like he’s giving me every kiss he wishes he could have given me in the past, and every kiss he’ll wish he could give me in the future.
All of them, all at once.
His hands drop to my back and he pulls me against him. I’m not sure where my hands are at this point. I think I’m holding on to him for dear life, but every part of me other than my mouth has just gone completely numb. The only thing I’m fully aware of is his mouth on mine. His kiss is all I know in this moment.
All I want to think about.
But damn it if Trey doesn’t force his way into my thoughts. I don’t care how strong my feelings are for Owen, my loyalty is with Trey. Owen’s actions forced me to make a choice, and now we both have to live with the consequences.
I break apart from him, finding strength to push against his chest. Our mouths separate, but my hands remain pressed against him. I can feel the deep rise and fall of his chest, and knowing he feels what I feel is almost enough for me to pull him back to my mouth.
“Trey,” I say breathlessly. “I’m with Trey now.”
Owen squeezes his eyes shut, like the sound of his name is painful to hear. He’s breathing so heavily, he has to catch his breath before he responds. He opens his eyes and fixes his gaze on mine. “Your commitment is the only part of you that’s with Trey.” He lifts his hand and presses his palm over my shirt, against my heart. “Every other part of you is with me.”
His words affect me more than his kiss. I try to inhale, but his hand pressed against my heart isn’t allowing it. He takes a step closer until we’re flush together. His palm is still pressed to my chest, but now his other arm is wrapped around my lower back.
“He doesn’t make your heart feel like this, Auburn. He doesn’t make it so crazy that it tries to beat through the walls of your chest.”
I close my eyes and lean into him. I think my body makes the choice for me, because my mind has certainly lost all control. I press my face against his neck and listen quietly as our breaths fail to slow. The longer we stand here and the more he says, the heavier our need grows. I can feel it in the way he holds me. I can hear it in the desperate plea of his voice. I can feel it with every rise and fall of his chest.
“I get why you had to choose him,” he says. “I don’t like it, but I understand it. I also know that giving one night to me doesn’t take away the fact that you might be giving him forever. But like I said . . . I’m selfish.

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

Ketika saya berhenti di studio, aku merenungkan keputusan bahwa saya tidak akan bangga besok. Jika aku berjalan di dalam, aku tahu apa yang akan terjadi antara kami. Dan sementara aku tahu dengan Trey berada di luar kota, kemungkinan ia pernah mencari tahu tentang hal ini ramping, itu masih tidak membuat apa-apa.Pikiran untuk mencari tahu tentang hal itu juga tidak membuat saya ingin melakukannya kurang.Sebelum saya bahkan dapat membuat pilihan untuk diri sendiri, membuka pintu dan mencapai tangan pengkhotbah Owen ini keluar untuk tambang. Dia menarik saya di dalam studio gelap dan menutup pintu belakang saya, mengklik kunci ke tempatnya. Aku menunggu mata saya untuk menyesuaikan diri dengan kegelapan dan hati nurani saya untuk menyesuaikan diri dengan fakta bahwa saya di sini. Di dalam studionya."Anda tidak berdiri di luar seperti itu," katanya. "Seseorang mungkin melihat Anda."Saya tidak yakin siapa dia merujuk ke, tetapi tidak ada kesempatan Trey melihat saya malam ini, mengingat ia berada di San Antonio. "Ia adalah luar kota."Owen berdiri kurang dari dua kaki jauhnya, menonton saya dengan kepalanya miring ke samping. Aku bisa melihat senyum yang lemah cross bibirnya. "Jadi saya diberitahu."Aku melihat ke bawah di kakiku, malu. Aku memejamkan mata dan mencoba berbicara sendiri dari ini. Aku meletakkan segala sesuatu pada risiko oleh berada di sini. Saya tahu jika saya bisa menutup pikiran yang telah melalui kepala saya, saya akan dapat melihat bahwa ini bukan pintar. Apakah kita tertangkap atau tidak, yang dengannya tidak akan membuat sesuatu yang lebih baik. Itu hanya akan membuatnya lebih buruk, karena aku akan lebih dari mungkin ingin bahkan lebih setelah malam ini.“I shouldn’t be here,” I say quietly.He’s eyeing me with his same unwavering expression. “But you are.”“Only because you pulled me inside without asking.”He laughs quietly. “You were standing outside my door trying to decide what to do. I just helped make the decision for you.”“I haven’t made any decision yet.”He nods. “Yes you have, Auburn. You’ve made a lot of decisions. You chose to be with Trey for the long haul. And now you’re choosing to be with me for the night.”I bite my bottom lip and glance away from him. I don’t like his comment, no matter how much truth is in it. Sometimes the truth hurts, and having him lay it out like that makes it seem more black and white than it really is.“You’re being unfair.”“No, I’m being selfish,” he says.“It’s the same thing.”He takes a step toward me. “No, Auburn, it isn’t. Unfair would be giving you an ultimatum. Being selfish is doing something like this.” His lips connect with mine with strength and purpose. His hands slide into my hair and wrap around the back of my head. He kisses me like he’s giving me every kiss he wishes he could have given me in the past, and every kiss he’ll wish he could give me in the future.All of them, all at once.His hands drop to my back and he pulls me against him. I’m not sure where my hands are at this point. I think I’m holding on to him for dear life, but every part of me other than my mouth has just gone completely numb. The only thing I’m fully aware of is his mouth on mine. His kiss is all I know in this moment.All I want to think about.But damn it if Trey doesn’t force his way into my thoughts. I don’t care how strong my feelings are for Owen, my loyalty is with Trey. Owen’s actions forced me to make a choice, and now we both have to live with the consequences.I break apart from him, finding strength to push against his chest. Our mouths separate, but my hands remain pressed against him. I can feel the deep rise and fall of his chest, and knowing he feels what I feel is almost enough for me to pull him back to my mouth.“Trey,” I say breathlessly. “I’m with Trey now.”Owen squeezes his eyes shut, like the sound of his name is painful to hear. He’s breathing so heavily, he has to catch his breath before he responds. He opens his eyes and fixes his gaze on mine. “Your commitment is the only part of you that’s with Trey.” He lifts his hand and presses his palm over my shirt, against my heart. “Every other part of you is with me.”His words affect me more than his kiss. I try to inhale, but his hand pressed against my heart isn’t allowing it. He takes a step closer until we’re flush together. His palm is still pressed to my chest, but now his other arm is wrapped around my lower back.“He doesn’t make your heart feel like this, Auburn. He doesn’t make it so crazy that it tries to beat through the walls of your chest.”I close my eyes and lean into him. I think my body makes the choice for me, because my mind has certainly lost all control. I press my face against his neck and listen quietly as our breaths fail to slow. The longer we stand here and the more he says, the heavier our need grows. I can feel it in the way he holds me. I can hear it in the desperate plea of his voice. I can feel it with every rise and fall of his chest.“I get why you had to choose him,” he says. “I don’t like it, but I understand it. I also know that giving one night to me doesn’t take away the fact that you might be giving him forever. But like I said . . . I’m selfish.