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http://subscene.com/u/659433
Improved by: @Ivandrofly.

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MAN: All right, baby girl, you ready
for your first day at work with Daddy?

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- Daddy, go fast!
- Huh. Okay!

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(GIGGLING)

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- Happy Halloween!
- Happy Halloween to you, too, Officer Cooper.

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(BEEPING)

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Yes!

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Where'd that scumbag come from?

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We're gonna have to move quick.

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- 10-24: Bomb threat.
- 10-24: Bomb threat.

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- 10-71: Shooting.
- 10-71: Shooting.

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He doesn't smell like Santa.

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You're so pretty.

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Oh, thanks, baby, you are too.

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(GIGGLING)

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- Thanks, Daddy.
- Have fun.

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Uh, I'll have her back by 10:00.

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8:30? 8:00.

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I'll have her back by 8:00.

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(CRASHING
AND PEOPLE YELLING INDISTINCTLY)

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All units respond to a 10-15.

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DISPATCH: Copy that. Noise disturbance.

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OFFICER: Freeze! Police!

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(GRUNTING THEN CROWD GASPING)

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WOMAN: Oh, my God!

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Police officer coming through!
Get out of the way! Move your vehicle!

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(CAR HORNS HONKING)

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Get back in your car, sir!
Get back in your vehicle.

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(TIRES SCREECH)

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Oh.

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- What do you think you're doing?
- Aah! I can explain.

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- I know it's not cool to leave in the middle...
- Date. It was a first date.

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And, honestly, I expected more
out of a guy I met on Christian Mingle.

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It's just that... Don't take this
the wrong way. You're kind of intense.

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Intense? Intense how?

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When I said I had to leave early,
you pulled your gun out on the table.

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No, no. I was doing a thing like:

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"Don't you walk away
until I get a second date."

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- It was supposed to be funny.
- It really wasn't.

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I was just chasing you
because you forgot your wallet.

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Okay. Thanks.

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- I'm gonna walk back to my car now.
- All right.

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- Bye!
- Bye.

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Hey. You forgot to pay your bill.

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Dang it!

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I really thought this one
was gonna work out.

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REPORTER ON TV: News out of Texas: A huge break...

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in the case against notorious
cartel leader Vicente Cortez.

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Sources say a cartel insider...

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is prepared to testify
against the violent crime lord.

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I will be out in a few hours.

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I will never miss my
daughter's birthday.

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Cortez is suspected of
more than 100 murders

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while dominating the U.S.
drug trade.

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Law enforcement officials
have called him "untouchable" until now.

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MAN: Since when is it illegal
to dance naked...

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- on my own street?
- POLICE: Shut up!

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- MAN: Hey, Coop.
- Oh, no. Hold on.

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- I don't have time for this.
- Wait a second. Slow down.

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My legs are shorter than yours.

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Detective Hauser, come back.
You know protocol.

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All evidence has to be submitted
in a proper-size Nolan envelope.

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This is dangerous
and could hurt someone.

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You encounter a lot
of danger here, Coop?

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As a matter of fact, I do.
The other day they brought in a duffle bag.

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I opened it, there was a live raccoon
in there. It could've had rabies.

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Or it could've had worse.

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Raccoon herpes.

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That's real contagious.

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How does it feel?

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I imagine a burning sensation
in the little guy's genital region.

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MAN OVER PA: Officer Cooper,
report to Captain Emmett's office.

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Sorry, boys. I'd like to keep talking
with y'all, but the captain needs me.

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Watch your head, detective.

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I was gonna say, "How does it feel
being a glorified secretary?"

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(MEN LAUGHING)

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Cooper, this is Deputy U.S.
Marshal Jackson, in from Dallas.

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All due respect, Captain Emmett, I know
exactly who Deputy Marshal Jackson is.

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- It's an honor to meet you, sir.
- Thank you.

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What I'm about to say
cannot leave this room.

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- Okay?
- Yes, sir.

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Do you know who Felipe Riva is?

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Yes. He is the top lieutenant
in the Cortez cartel.

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Since 1989, he's responsible for all
their "finances," a.k.a., money laundering.

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He is known as The Bank of Bogotá,
The Tender Tender...

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The Lender Lender, The Money Launderer,
El Chapo, The Pork Chop, La Chalupa...

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Okay. Okay, okay.

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Riva and his wife
are gonna testify against Cortez.

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But Cortez has killed
every potential witness we've had.

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Which is why only the three of us
can know this.

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He has people on his payroll everywhere.

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Now, tomorrow morning, Deputy Jackson
is gonna escort Riva to Dallas...

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so he can testify
the following morning at 8:00 A.M.

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And you...

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- are gonna go with him.
- Me?

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Uh-huh.

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You want me to go to Dallas?

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The law requires a female escort
for Mrs. Riva.

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Oh, yes, of course. Section 290.

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The Richards Rule.

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I know you've been wanting
to get off the bench.

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- Yes, sir.
- And ever since the shotgun incident...

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Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Hold up.

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You're the Cooper?

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As in, "He just pulled a Cooper"?
As in, "Don't Cooper that shit"?

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I was following protocol, sir.

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(LAUGHING)

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I found the source
of the noise complaint.

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- GIRL: Who's got the keys?
- Hey, I got shotgun!

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Drop your weapon!

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(TASER WHIRRING THEN BOY GRUNTING)

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GIRL: Oh, my gosh!

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- BOY: Why would you do that?
- GIRL: Why?

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He just wanted to sit in the front seat!

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Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

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Oh, God.

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(LAUGHING)

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I'm so sor...

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I'm sor... Actually, I thought
you were an urban myth.

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You'd never heard someone
calling "shotgun" to sit in the front?

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That's a negative, sir.
I've never heard that term used that way.

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Look, all you have to do
is take care of Riva's wife.

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- Yes.
- Okay?

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