I knew exactly how I felt about Mad

I knew exactly how I felt about Madoc. And I knew why I felt that way. I hated him. I hated what he did to me. But why in the hell did he hate me? I scrubbed my face, going through my morning rituals, while I thought about him. Madoc had been rude last night. Volatile. He clearly despised me. That wasn’t part of the plan.
We had left things unfinished, but what was his problem? He got what he wanted, didn’t he?
Why was he so angry?
I dried my face and threw on my glasses, heading downstairs as I replayed his words from last night.
“Do you think I’d even touch you now? You know what I used to call you? Pussy-on-the-Premises. You were convenient when I needed to blow a load.”
He was never that cruel. Not even before we started—
A loud scream echoed through the long corridor heading to the stairs, and I stopped.
“Madoc, put me down!” Addie’s voice rang from downstairs somewhere. I crossed my arms over my chest, realizing I was still in my tank top with no bra, and Madoc was still in the house. But I quickly dropped them again.
He’s still here. Good. This was where he needed to be, and now I wouldn’t have to work Addie to get him back home.
I tipped my chin down, straightened my shoulders, and headed downstairs. Entering the kitchen, I saw Madoc standing behind Addie and reaching over her shoulder to dip his spoon into the batter she was mixing. His easy smile that always reached his eyes stopped me short, and I narrowed my eyes.
Stop smiling, I mentally ordered him. I narrowed my eyes even more so that my eyebrows were probably touching.
He flipped the spoon upside down and stuffed the chocolate-looking goo into his mouth as Addie tried to snatch it back. He twisted away, and she tried to swat him on the head, but they were both laughing.
“Don’t double-dip, you little brat! I taught you better than that.” She shook her big wooden spoon at him, flinging drops of batter onto her white shirt despite the apron she wore.
Madoc winked at her and walked to the refrigerator, silver spoon still hanging out of his mouth—go figure—and grabbed a Gatorade.
My gaze lingered on the huge tattoo across his back, stretching from shoulder to shoulder.
And my heart missed a beat. Was that my name? But I blinked and shook off the ridiculous idea. No. The tattoo said “Fallen.” They had messed up the “e” by inking it to look like flames.
It was a good-looking tattoo, though, and I had to stop myself from dwelling on how it made him hotter. Tattoos made everyone hotter.
My mother—when I spoke to her—was known to comment on how I’m going to look at eighty with tattoos.
I’m going to look awesome.
His jeans hung low without a belt, and he didn’t have a shirt on as if he just woke up and forgot to finish getting dressed. But who was I to talk? I was standing there in my sleep shorts and tank top, looking a hell of a lot more indecent. My hair was everywhere, spread around my face and down my back in knots and tangles.
He was fresh and bright, and I was wilted.
“Fallon!” Addie exclaimed, and I blinked. “You’re up.” She wasn’t fooling anyone with the nervous edge to her voice.
Madoc faced away from me, but I noticed his arm freeze for two ticks as he took a swig of the Gatorade. He recovered quickly, though.
“Yeah,” I drawled out. “It’s hard to sleep with the commotion going on down here.”
Madoc twisted his head to face me and eyed me over his shoulder with an arched brow. He looked annoyed.
His gaze slowly dropped, taking in my appearance or maybe just trying to make me uncomfortable, but my cheeks immediately warmed anyway. He scaled down my chest, over my stomach until he reached my bare toes, and then came right back up to meet my eyes, disgust clear in his blue depths.
The same flare to his nostrils as last night was there, but his gaze was flat. I clenched my teeth to force myself to breathe more slowly. I couldn’t get upset with the way he looked down on me. I’d trained myself to not get upset.
Madoc was always calm, after all. So calm all the damn time growing up. He didn’t shout or show his anger until he’d had enough. And you never knew exactly when that was going to be. That was the scary part about him.
“Fallon, Madoc surprised me this morning,” Addie jumped in to explain. “But he’s heading back out after breakfast, right?” she asked Madoc, prompting him with raised eyebrows.
He looked to her and back at me, mischief and pleasure evident in his expression.
He shook his head. “Nah,” he said, brushing off Addie’s concern as if he’d just told her he didn’t want any dessert. “Fallon and I talked last night. We’re cool.” He looked over at me, his eyes squinting up in a smile. “I have a hell of a summer planned, and this is a big house. Right, Fallon? We’ll play nice or stay out of each other’s way.”
He nodded as he spoke and looked to Addie with the same carefree, innocent, wide-eyed bullshit I’ve seen him use a million times.
This is why Madoc was going to be a great lawyer like his dad. Working people wasn’t just about the words you spoke. It was about body language, tone, and timing. Keep your voice natural, your body relaxed, and distract them with a change of subject as soon as possible.
Here it comes in three, two, one . . .
“Come on,” he nudged Addie. “It’s fine.”
He came up to stand behind her at the counter and reached around and placed his arm across her chest, hugging her close but with his eyes dead set on me. “Just finish my chocolate pancakes. I’m fucking starving.”
“Madoc!” she whisper-yelled, scolding him but failing to hide her smile.
And that was it. He’d won.
Or so he thought.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah, Madoc’s right, Addie. I have no problem with it. I told you that yesterday.” I saw Madoc raise his eyebrows. I bet he thought I was going to fight him on this. “And anyway, I’m gone in a week. I only came to eat the food and use the pool.”
I let the sarcasm drip slowly from my tone and kept my eyes locked to his. I’d missed playing with him more than I wanted to admit.
“Where are you going?” he asked, leaning on his elbows over the wide granite island.
“Chicago. I’m starting Northwestern in the fall. You?”
“Notre Dame,” he sighed, thinning his lips with a hint of resignation to his voice.
No, not resignation exactly. Acceptance. As if he’d lost a battle.
Notre Dame was the family school. Madoc’s father, aunts and uncles, and grandfather had all gone there. Madoc didn’t dislike the school, but I couldn’t tell if he actually liked it, either. It was hard to tell if he had any dreams of his own aside from what his father had planned for him.
“Oh, that’s right!” Addie dumped the spoon into the bowl and brushed her hands on her apron. “I completely forgot to give you your graduation presents.” She walked across the kitchen and grabbed two “somethings” out of a cabinet.
“Fallon, I didn’t know that you’d be here, but I’d gotten you one anyway to ship to you. Here.” She handed both Madoc and me what looked like lanterns. They were black plastic on the bottom with a glass capsule on the top half. The bottom featured five rows of the alphabet.
“A cryptex!” I smiled at her while Madoc looked at his like it was an alien baby.
“But . . .” He pinched his eyebrows together. “You know I just wanted to see you in a bikini,” he told Addie.
“Oh, put a cork in it.” She waved her hand.
“What is this?” His eyebrows were still pinched together while he studied the puzzle case.
“It’s a Puzzle Pod Cryptex,” Addie explained. “You have to solve the riddle that I have taped to the bottom, and dial the five-letter answer to open the pod. Then you can retrieve the present inside.
Madoc read his out loud. “‘At night they come without being fetched, and by day they are lost without being stolen. What are they?’” His eyes shot up to pin Addie. “Seriously?”
He threw back his arm, raising the cryptex high above his head, when Addie reached out and grabbed him.
“No, don’t you dare!” she yelled, while he mock-scowled at her. “You’re not breaking it open! Use your brain.”
“You know I suck at stuff like this.” But then he started dialing letters, guessing at the answer.
I read mine to myself. “What gets wetter the more it dries?”
Please. I snickered and dialed in “towel.” The cryptex opened, and I pulled out a gift card to a skate shop I used to frequent in town.
“Thanks, Addie,” I chirped, not wanting to tell her that I no longer skated.
I looked over at Madoc, who was still working his puzzle with an eyebrow arched. He was struggling, and the more he struggled the dumber he was going to feel. Walking over, I took the cryptex out of his hands, my breath catching for only a moment when my fingers brushed his.
I looked at the puzzle and spoke quietly as I dialed. “‘At night they come without being fetched, and by day they are lost without being stolen.’” It clicked, and I met his soft eyes staring down at me, not the cryptex. “Stars,” I said, almost in a whisper.
He wasn’t breathing. The stern set to his eyes as he loomed over me reminded me of so many times I’d looked up at him, wanting things I was afraid to ask for.
But we were different now. I wanted only his pain, and judging from the girl he’d come home with last night, Madoc was still the same. A user.
I hooded my eyes, trying to appear bored, as I shoved the now-open cryptex back at him.
He took a deep breath and smiled, the intense concentration now gone. “Thank you.” Then he turned to Addie. “See? We’re getting along fine.”
And he left through the sliding-glass doors leading to the vast patio and pool area with his gift card to the go-kart track.
I swallowed, trying to calm the windstorm in my stomach. “So that’s it?” I asked Addie. “You’re letting him stay, after all?”
“You said you were okay with it.”
“I am,” I rushed to add. “I’m just . . . I just don’t want you to get in trouble with the boss.”

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

Aku tahu persis bagaimana saya merasa tentang Utica. Dan aku tahu mengapa aku merasa seperti itu. I membencinya. Aku benci apa yang dia lakukan kepada saya. Tapi mengapa di neraka dia membenci saya? Aku menggosok wajah saya, akan melalui ritual-ritual pagi saya, sementara aku berpikir tentang dirinya. Utica telah kasar tadi malam. Mudah menguap. Dia jelas membenci saya. Itu bukan bagian dari rencana.Kami telah meninggalkan hal-hal yang belum selesai, tapi apa masalahnya? Ia mendapat apa yang ia inginkan, tidak dia?Mengapa Apakah dia begitu marah?Saya kering wajah saya dan melemparkan pada kacamata saya, menuju lantai bawah seperti saya memutar kata-kata dari tadi malam."Apakah Anda pikir saya akan bahkan menyentuh Anda sekarang? Anda tahu apa yang saya digunakan untuk menelepon Anda? Pus-the-lokal. Kau nyaman ketika saya diperlukan untuk meniup beban."Dia tidak pernah yang kejam. Tidak bahkan sebelum kita mulai —Jeritan keras bergema melalui koridor panjang menuju tangga, dan aku berhenti."Utica, meletakkan saya!" Addie's suara berdering dari bawah di suatu tempat. Aku menyeberang lengan saya dadaku, menyadari saya masih di atas tangki saya dengan bra tidak, dan Utica berada di rumah. Tapi aku cepat menjatuhkan mereka lagi.Dia adalah masih di sini. Bagus. Ini adalah mana dia perlu, dan sekarang aku tidak harus bekerja Addie untuk mendapatkan dia kembali ke rumah.Saya tip dagu saya turun, meluruskan bahu saya, dan menuju lantai bawah. Memasuki dapur, kulihat Utica berdiri di belakang Addie dan mencapai atas bahunya mencelupkan nya sendok ke dalam adonan dia pencampuran. Senyumnya mudah yang selalu mencapai matanya berhenti pendek saya, dan saya mempersempit mataku.Berhenti tersenyum, mental memerintahkan dia. Saya mempersempit mata saya bahkan lebih sehingga alisku yang mungkin menyentuh.Ia membalik sendok terbalik dan boneka goo mencari cokelat ke dalam mulutnya seperti Addie mencoba untuk merebut kembali. Dia memutar, dan dia mencoba untuk memukul dia di kepala, tetapi mereka berdua tertawa."Jangan double-dip, Anda sedikit brat! Saya mengajar Anda lebih baik dari itu." Dia mengguncang sendok kayu nya besar padanya, melemparkan tetes adonan ke kemeja putih meskipun celemek yang dipakainya.Utica mengedipkan mata padanya dan berjalan ke lemari es, sendok perak masih tergantung dari mulutnya — pergi tokoh — dan menyambar Gatorade.Pandangan berlama-lama pada tato besar di punggungnya, peregangan dari bahu.Dan hati saya merindukan mengalahkan. Itu nama saya? Tapi aku berkedip dan menepis gagasan konyol. Wakakak Tato mengatakan "Fallen." Mereka telah mengacaukan "e" oleh tinta untuk terlihat seperti api.Itu tato tampan, meskipun, dan aku harus menahan diri dari memikirkan bagaimana itu membuatnya lebih panas. Tato membuat semua orang yang panas.Ibu saya-ketika saya berbicara kepadanya — dikenal untuk mengomentari bagaimana saya akan melihat delapan puluh dengan tato.Aku akan terlihat mengagumkan.Jeans-nya menggantung rendah tanpa sabuk, dan dia tidak punya baju seolah-olah dia hanya bangun dan lupa untuk menyelesaikan berpakaian. Tapi yang saya bicara? Saya berdiri dalam tidur celana pendek dan tank top, saya sedang melihat neraka yang jauh lebih tidak senonoh. Rambut saya adalah di mana-mana, tersebar di sekitar wajah saya dan saya kembali di knot dan kusut.Dia adalah segar dan cerah, dan saya adalah layu."Fallon!" Addie berseru, dan aku berkedip. "Kau naik." Dia tidak membodohi siapapun dengan ujung saraf untuk suaranya.Utica menghadapi dariku, tapi aku melihat lengannya membeku selama dua kutu ketika ia mengambil seteguk Gatorade. Ia sembuh dengan cepat, meskipun."Ya," Aku digambarkan keluar. "Sangat sulit untuk tidur dengan keributan terjadi di sini."Utica memutar kepalanya menghadapi saya dan bermata saya atas bahu-nya dengan alis melengkung. Dia tampak kesal.Tatapan perlahan-lahan jatuh, mengambil dalam penampilan saya atau mungkin hanya mencoba untuk membuat saya tidak nyaman, tetapi pipiku segera dihangatkan pula. Ia skala turun dadaku, atas perut saya sampai ia mencapai kaki telanjang saya, dan kemudian datang kembali untuk memenuhi mata saya, jijik jelas di kedalaman biru nya.Sama suar untuk hidungnya seperti tadi malam ada, tapi pandangan nya datar. Aku mengepalkan gigi memaksa diri untuk bernapas lebih lambat. Aku tidak bisa marah dengan cara dia melihat ke bawah pada saya. Saya telah melatih diri untuk tidak marah.Utica adalah selalu tenang, setelah semua. Begitu tenang sepanjang waktu sialan tumbuh. Dia tidak berteriak atau menunjukkan kemarahannya sampai ia punya cukup. Dan Anda tidak pernah tahu persis Kapan yang akan menjadi. Itu adalah bagian yang menakutkan tentang dirinya."Fallon, Utica terkejut saya pagi ini," Addie melompat masuk untuk menjelaskan. "Tapi ia sedang menuju kembali setelah sarapan, benar?" Dia bertanya Utica, mendorong dia dengan mengangkat alis.Dia tampak padanya dan kembali pada saya, kerusakan dan kesenangan yang nyata dalam ekspresi.Ia menggelengkan kepala. "tidak," katanya, menyikat dari Addie's keprihatinan seolah-olah ia telah hanya menceritakan dia tidak ingin setiap hidangan penutup. "Fallon dan aku berbicara malam terakhir. Kami sedang dingin." Dia memandangku, matanya menyipitkan mata dalam senyum. "Aku punya neraka dari musim panas yang direncanakan, dan ini adalah sebuah rumah besar. Kanan, Fallon? Kami akan bermain baik atau tetap keluar dari jalan satu sama lain."Dia mengangguk saat ia berbicara dan memandang ke Addie dengan omong kosong riang, tidak bersalah, mata terbelalak sama aku sudah melihat dia menggunakan satu juta kali.Inilah sebabnya mengapa Utica akan menjadi seorang pengacara yang besar seperti ayahnya. Bekerja orang-orang tidak hanya tentang kata-kata yang Anda berbicara. Itu tentang bahasa tubuh, nada, dan waktu. Menjaga suara alam, tubuh Anda santai, dan mengalihkan perhatian mereka dengan perubahan subjek sesegera mungkin.Di sini datang dalam tiga, dua, satu...Ayolah,"ia mendorong Addie. "Baik-baik saja."Dia datang untuk berdiri di belakang dia di konter dan sekitar dan menempatkan tangannya di dadanya, memeluk dia dekat, tetapi dengan matanya yang mati ditetapkan pada saya. "Hanya selesai pancake cokelat saya. Aku fucking kelaparan.""Utica!" dia berteriak berbisik, cacian dia tetapi gagal untuk menyembunyikan senyumnya.Dan itu saja. Ia telah memenangkan.Atau jadi ia berpikir.Aku membersihkan tenggorokanku. "Ya, Utica yang benar, Addie. Saya tidak punya masalah dengan itu. Saya mengatakan kepada Anda bahwa hari." Kulihat Utica menaikkan alis nya. Aku yakin dia pikir aku akan melawan dia ini. "Dan lagi pula, saya pergi dalam seminggu. Aku hanya datang untuk makan makanan dan menggunakan kolam."Aku membiarkan sarkasme menetes perlahan-lahan dari nada saya dan terus mata saya terkunci ke nya. Aku merindukan bermain dengan dia lebih dari saya ingin mengakui."Mana Anda akan?" Dia bertanya, bersandar pada siku Nya atas pulau granit lebar."Chicago. Aku mulai Northwestern pada musim gugur. Anda?""Notre Dame," ia mendesah, penipisan bibir dengan sedikit pengunduran diri suaranya.Tidak, tidak pengunduran diri persis. Penerimaan. Seperti jika ia telah kehilangan pertempuran.Notre Dame adalah sekolah keluarga. Utica 's Bapa, Bibi dan Paman dan kakek semua sudah ada. Utica tidak menyukai sekolah, tapi aku tidak bisa mengatakan jika ia benar-benar menyukainya, baik. Itu sulit untuk mengatakan jika dia punya impian-impian apapun sendiri selain apa yang ayahnya telah direncanakan baginya."Oh, itu benar!" Addie dibuang sendok ke dalam mangkuk dan disikat tangannya pada celemek nya. "Aku benar-benar lupa untuk memberikan hadiah kelulusan Anda." Dia berjalan melintasi dapur dan menyambar dua "sesuatu" dari kabinet."Fallon, aku tidak tahu bahwa Anda akan berada di sini, tapi aku sudah Anda satu tetap mengirimkan kepada Anda. Disini." Dia menyerahkan Utica dan saya apa yang tampak seperti lentera. Mereka adalah plastik hitam di bagian bawah dengan kaca kapsul di atas setengah. Bagian bawah menampilkan lima baris abjad."Desperate Space!" Aku tersenyum pada dirinya sementara Utica memandang nya seperti itu bayi asing."Tapi..." Ia mencubit alis nya bersama-sama. "Kau tahu aku hanya ingin melihat Anda dalam bikini," katanya kepada Addie.“Oh, put a cork in it.” She waved her hand.“What is this?” His eyebrows were still pinched together while he studied the puzzle case.“It’s a Puzzle Pod Cryptex,” Addie explained. “You have to solve the riddle that I have taped to the bottom, and dial the five-letter answer to open the pod. Then you can retrieve the present inside.Madoc read his out loud. “‘At night they come without being fetched, and by day they are lost without being stolen. What are they?’” His eyes shot up to pin Addie. “Seriously?”He threw back his arm, raising the cryptex high above his head, when Addie reached out and grabbed him.“No, don’t you dare!” she yelled, while he mock-scowled at her. “You’re not breaking it open! Use your brain.”“You know I suck at stuff like this.” But then he started dialing letters, guessing at the answer.I read mine to myself. “What gets wetter the more it dries?”Please. I snickered and dialed in “towel.” The cryptex opened, and I pulled out a gift card to a skate shop I used to frequent in town.“Thanks, Addie,” I chirped, not wanting to tell her that I no longer skated.I looked over at Madoc, who was still working his puzzle with an eyebrow arched. He was struggling, and the more he struggled the dumber he was going to feel. Walking over, I took the cryptex out of his hands, my breath catching for only a moment when my fingers brushed his.I looked at the puzzle and spoke quietly as I dialed. “‘At night they come without being fetched, and by day they are lost without being stolen.’” It clicked, and I met his soft eyes staring down at me, not the cryptex. “Stars,” I said, almost in a whisper.He wasn’t breathing. The stern set to his eyes as he loomed over me reminded me of so many times I’d looked up at him, wanting things I was afraid to ask for.But we were different now. I wanted only his pain, and judging from the girl he’d come home with last night, Madoc was still the same. A user.I hooded my eyes, trying to appear bored, as I shoved the now-open cryptex back at him.He took a deep breath and smiled, the intense concentration now gone. “Thank you.” Then he turned to Addie. “See? We’re getting along fine.”And he left through the sliding-glass doors leading to the vast patio and pool area with his gift card to the go-kart track.I swallowed, trying to calm the windstorm in my stomach. “So that’s it?” I asked Addie. “You’re letting him stay, after all?”“You said you were okay with it.”“I am,” I rushed to add. “I’m just . . . I just don’t want you to get in trouble with the boss.”