Narcissistic Mother-in-Lawby MICHEL

Narcissistic Mother-in-Law
by MICHELLE PIPER

What if you come to the realization you have a narcissistic mother-in-law? If you have a narcissistic mother, you already know dealing with her can be more taxing and harder than dealing with anyone else. But what happens when you marry into it? How are you supposed to deal with a narcissistic mother-in-law? You’re not even biologically programmed to love this woman, yet you may feel you have to put up with her because your spouse does.
When you first meet your narcissistic mother-in-law to be, she may act charming, witty, and like she’s genuinely interested in you and your life. In reality, it may be she only wants to deepen the relationship between the two of you in order to use your trust and confidence against you or your spouse later.

She’s a master manipulator and knows what to say and do to make you think she really cares and/or to plant the seed of doubt.

There’s nothing authentic about a narcissistic mother-in-law. They’ve been operators and controllers since childhood, perfecting their craft as they aged.

It may not be until the relationship between you and your partner gets serious, or even until marriage, that you start to feel her wrath. She may see you as competition, vying for control over her child’s love, loyalty and attention.

Narcissistic mother-in-laws are bragging, nagging, intruding, competitive, and defeating people. The boundary-less relationship she likely had with her child is now tarnished because you’ve come into the picture and taken her narcissistic supply away.

When I think about this topic, I think of the movie Monster-In-Law, starring Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez. Jane Fonda plays a successful TV host, a divorcee several times over, and the mother to a son who falls in love with Jennifer Lopez’s character.

When this happens, Fonda’s character is extremely nice and fake to the woman her son is dating. But as soon as she finds out they are getting married, BOOM, Fonda does everything in her power to try to get rid of her.

Her son was her golden child, the one who could do no wrong in her eyes and only deserved the best. Many times with a narcissistic mother, the golden child is a son. If this golden child grows up and ends up being the partner you fall in love with, this could be a serious problem. Unfortunately, no partner may ever be good enough for a golden child.

In the movie, her son never saw the evil and manipulative side of her, but it was there all right. The couple’s relationship almost got to the point of a break up right before the wedding until Fonda’s character has a sudden change of heart and agrees not to interfere with the relationship anymore.

That last part is, of course, the Hollywood happy ending the audience waits for. In the real world, not the one on the big screen, this is definitely not a typical case. The damage of a narcissistic mother-in-law opens wounds for years to come.

From the narcissistic mother-in-law’s perspective, “giving away” her child to be with an adult partner isn’t an option. If that child was her mirror or golden child, the perceived loss can be excruciating to the narcissistic mother-in-law and she’ll feel threatened.

In contrast, if her child was in the scapegoat role, you’re going to hear about it and she’ll try to enlist you against her adult child.

If your partner was in the lost child role, she may resent that you are “distracting the family” from her or her other, golden child, with your marriage ceremony, your children and so forth. How dare you steal the spotlight with your normal life?

Whatever the role your Narcissistic Mother-In-Law put your partner in, you and your spouse will need to show a united front in arguments and disagreements between you and your narcissistic mother-in-law. Your partner relationship will be only as strong as the values you mutually agree to maintain. Whoever affronts them, mother or not, simply cannot be trusted if you wish to protect your intimate bond.

If your spouse isn’t yet aware he or she has a narcissistic parent refrain from talking about her flaws without clear examples of the negative behavior. Initially, your spouse may have difficulty seeing the dysfunctional behavior because, to survive a narcissistic mother in the first place, your partner may have overused coping strategies like “minimizing” or “denying” his or her parent was abusive.

Set limits with her and make sure your spouse is aware and agrees to these limits. Remember, she is emotionally very young, and like a child will test your boundaries. Decide together what role your narcissistic mother-in-law is going to play in your new lives.

If she can, your narcissistic mother-in-law will nitpick at everything you do, from how you spend your resources like money and time, to how you keep your house to how you raise your kids. She wants a say in everything and is a master at getting into your personal space.

Even when limits are put into place, it may not stop her from overstepping your boundaries. If things do not change, you and your spouse may need to strictly limit interactions with her (low contact) or completely sever them (no contact).

In a normal family, tensions usually ease or are at least tolerated over time. You were probably not raised the same way as your spouse nor did you grow up with the same values, beliefs, and family issues and problems. Getting married means accepting differences and making each other better people. When it comes to a narcissistic mother-in-law, however, you and your spouse are expected to make unreasonable concessions.

In a narcissistic family system, issues are more difficult to overcome because the less functional a family, the more rigidly it holds onto old, unproductive patterns.

Be aware of your narcissistic mother-in-law’s history in order to better defend against her manipulations. Narcissists are toxic but predictable. If you observe her dysfunction with a studied eye, you and your spouse can effectively strategize against her repetitive boundary violations and unrealistic expectations.

The motivation for her narcissistic behavior may be the result of a myriad of causes which can hint at future inappropriate behavior. She may have been spoiled or overindulged when she was a child.

She may be the product of narcissistic parenting, perhaps the daughter of a narcissistic mother herself, and was only loved conditionally based on achievements and performance. Her toxic behavior could also be due to some form of abuse or neglect as a child and her narcissism resulted as a defense mechanism to it all.

Knowing her history doesn’t excuse her hurtful actions but can better equip you to protect you, your spouse and children from her.

Unlike her, you are capable of being empathetic. You can walk in another person’s shoes and take a look from their perspective.

Although there are ways of confronting your narcissistic mother-in-law in a fair way to set limits, normal limit setting may not be enough to curb the toxic behavior of a narcissistic mother-in-law.

As a reasonable person, you’ll usually first attempt the gentle boundary setting which has worked with mentally healthy people throughout your life, but eventually be forced by the pathology of the narcissistic mother-in-law to go to greater lengths like low or no contact to protect your relationship against the bizarre violation of the healthy boundaries you and your partner have established. Decide on the amount of phone calls, visits, and exposure to her that you and your family receive.

Don’t take what she says to heart as she can only reflect back a distorted view of others due to her own impairment and her perceptions of you will be flawed.

As a couple, discuss your limits and boundaries regarding your narcissistic mother-in-law. Then, set them in order to decrease the likelihood your narcissistic mother-in-law will hurt your relationship or the ones you love.

Hasil (Spanyol) 1:

Suegra narcisistapor MICHELLE PIPER¿Qué pasa si llegar a la realización tienes una suegra narcisista? Si tienes una madre narcisista, ya sabes tratar con ella puede ser más plenas y más difícil que tratar con nadie más. ¿Pero que pasa cuando te casas en él? ¿Cómo deben lidiar con una suegra narcisista? Usted está no incluso biológicamente programado para amar a esta mujer, sin embargo, usted puede sentir que ponga para arriba con ella porque su cónyuge no.Cuando usted por primera vez con su suegra narcisista que, ella puede actuar encantador, ingenioso, y como ella es realmente interesada en ti y tu vida. En realidad, puede ser que sólo quiere profundizar la relación entre los dos, para poder utilizar su confianza y confianza contra usted o su cónyuge más adelante.Es un manipulador maestro y sabe qué decir y hacer a que ella realmente le importa y a sembrar la semilla de la duda.No hay nada auténtico sobre una suegra narcisista. Desde la infancia, perfeccionando su oficio como que de años han sido los operadores y controladores.No puede ser hasta grave la relación entre usted y su pareja, o incluso hasta el matrimonio, que comienza a sentir su ira. Ella puede verte como competencia, compiten por el control sobre su hijo amor, lealtad y atención.Mother-in-laws narcisistas son alardear, persistente, intrusa, competitivo y derrotar a la gente. La relación límite-menos probable es que ella tenía con su hijo ahora es empañada porque has entrado en el cuadro y quitado su suministro narcisista.Cuando pienso acerca de este tema, creo que de la película Monster-In-Law, protagonizada por Jane Fonda y Jennifer Lopez. Jane Fonda desempeña una exitosa presentadora de televisión, una mujer divorciada varias veces y la madre a un hijo que cae en amor con el carácter de Jennifer Lopez.Cuando esto sucede, personaje de Fonda es extremadamente agradable y falso a la mujer está saliendo con su hijo. Pero tan pronto como ella descubre que se casan, BOOM, Fonda hace todo en su poder para tratar de deshacerse de ella.Su hijo era su niño de oro, quien no podría hacer ningún mal en ella los ojos y sólo merecía lo mejor. Muchas veces con una madre narcisista, el niño de oro es un hijo. Si este niño de oro crece y termina siendo el socio que usted enamorarse, esto podría ser un problema grave. Por desgracia, ningún socio nunca puede ser lo suficientemente bueno para un niño de oro.En la película, su hijo nunca vio el lado malvado y manipulador de ella, pero estaba allí todos los derechos. Relación de la pareja casi llegó el momento de una pausa justo antes de la boda hasta que el personaje de Fonda tiene un repentino cambio de actitud y compromete a no interferir en la relación ya.Que última parte es, por supuesto, espera el final el público feliz de Hollywood. En el mundo real, no uno en la pantalla grande, esto no es definitivamente un caso típico. El daño de una suegra narcisista abre heridas para años venideros.Desde la perspectiva de la narcisista madre-en-ley, "regalando" su hijo a estar con un adulto socio no es una opción. Si ese niño era su espejo o niño de oro, la pérdida percibida puede ser insoportable a la suegra narcisista y ella se sentirá amenazada.En cambio, si su hijo estuviera en el papel de chivo expiatorio, vas a oír hablar de él y voy a intentar dar de alta contra su hijo adulto.Si su pareja estaba en el papel de niño perdido, ella puede resentir que usted se "distraer a la familia" de su o su otro, niño de oro, con su ceremonia de matrimonio, sus hijos y así sucesivamente. ¿Cómo se atreven robar la atención con tu vida normal?Cualquiera que sea el papel que tu suegra narcisista pone a su pareja, usted y su cónyuge tendrá que mostrar un frente unido en discusiones y desacuerdos entre usted y su suegra narcisista. Su relación de pareja sólo será tan fuerte como los valores que acuerden mantener. Quien afrenta, madre o no, simplemente no se puede confiar si desea proteger su vínculo íntimo.Si su cónyuge no es todavía consciente de él o ella tiene un padre narcisista se abstengan de hablar de sus defectos sin ejemplos claros del comportamiento negativo. Inicialmente, su cónyuge puede tener dificultad para ver el comportamiento disfuncional porque, para sobrevivir en primer lugar una madre narcisista, su pareja ha abusado estrategias de afrontamiento como "minimizar" o "negando" su o su padre era abusivo.Set limits with her and make sure your spouse is aware and agrees to these limits. Remember, she is emotionally very young, and like a child will test your boundaries. Decide together what role your narcissistic mother-in-law is going to play in your new lives.If she can, your narcissistic mother-in-law will nitpick at everything you do, from how you spend your resources like money and time, to how you keep your house to how you raise your kids. She wants a say in everything and is a master at getting into your personal space.Even when limits are put into place, it may not stop her from overstepping your boundaries. If things do not change, you and your spouse may need to strictly limit interactions with her (low contact) or completely sever them (no contact).In a normal family, tensions usually ease or are at least tolerated over time. You were probably not raised the same way as your spouse nor did you grow up with the same values, beliefs, and family issues and problems. Getting married means accepting differences and making each other better people. When it comes to a narcissistic mother-in-law, however, you and your spouse are expected to make unreasonable concessions.In a narcissistic family system, issues are more difficult to overcome because the less functional a family, the more rigidly it holds onto old, unproductive patterns.Be aware of your narcissistic mother-in-law’s history in order to better defend against her manipulations. Narcissists are toxic but predictable. If you observe her dysfunction with a studied eye, you and your spouse can effectively strategize against her repetitive boundary violations and unrealistic expectations.The motivation for her narcissistic behavior may be the result of a myriad of causes which can hint at future inappropriate behavior. She may have been spoiled or overindulged when she was a child.She may be the product of narcissistic parenting, perhaps the daughter of a narcissistic mother herself, and was only loved conditionally based on achievements and performance. Her toxic behavior could also be due to some form of abuse or neglect as a child and her narcissism resulted as a defense mechanism to it all.Knowing her history doesn’t excuse her hurtful actions but can better equip you to protect you, your spouse and children from her.Unlike her, you are capable of being empathetic. You can walk in another person’s shoes and take a look from their perspective.Although there are ways of confronting your narcissistic mother-in-law in a fair way to set limits, normal limit setting may not be enough to curb the toxic behavior of a narcissistic mother-in-law.As a reasonable person, you’ll usually first attempt the gentle boundary setting which has worked with mentally healthy people throughout your life, but eventually be forced by the pathology of the narcissistic mother-in-law to go to greater lengths like low or no contact to protect your relationship against the bizarre violation of the healthy boundaries you and your partner have established. Decide on the amount of phone calls, visits, and exposure to her that you and your family receive.Don’t take what she says to heart as she can only reflect back a distorted view of others due to her own impairment and her perceptions of you will be flawed.As a couple, discuss your limits and boundaries regarding your narcissistic mother-in-law. Then, set them in order to decrease the likelihood your narcissistic mother-in-law will hurt your relationship or the ones you love.

Hasil (Spanyol) 3:

¿Narcisista madre - en - Ley
por Michelle Piper

lo que si vienes a la realización tiene un narcisista suegra?Si tienes una madre narcisista, ya sabes tratar con ella puede ser más exigente y más difícil de tratar con nadie más.¿Pero, qué pasa cuando te casas en?¿Cómo vas a lidiar con un narcisista suegra?Ni siquiera estás biológicamente programado para amar a esta mujer, sin embargo, usted puede sentir que tiene que poner con ella porque tu esposo es.
cuando primero conoce a tu suegra a ser narcisista, ella puede actuar encantador, ingenioso, y como ella está realmente interesado en ti y en tu vida.En realidad,Puede ser que ella solo quiere profundizar en la relación entre los dos de usted para usar tu confianza contra usted o su cónyuge después.

es un maestro manipulador y sabe qué decir y hacer para hacerte pensar que realmente le importa y / o para plantar la semilla de la duda.

no no es nada autentico narcisista de una suegra.Han sido los operadores y controladores desde la infancia, perfeccionando su oficio como ellos de.

no puede ser hasta la relación entre usted y su pareja se pone serio, o incluso hasta el matrimonio, que empieza a sentir su ira.Ella puede ver como competencia, que compiten por el control de su hijo es el amor, la lealtad y la atención.

narcisista madre en leyes están alardeando, fastidiar, molestar,Competitivo, y derrotar a la gente.La frontera menos relación que tuvo con su hijo probablemente está empañado porque has venido en la foto y tomado la fuente Narcissistic.

cuando pienso acerca de este tema, creo que de la película Monster in Law, protagonizada por Jane Fonda y Jennifer Lopez.Jane Fonda interpreta a un exitoso presentador de televisión, un divorciado varias veces,Y la madre a un hijo que cae en amor con Jennifer Lopez es carácter.

cuando esto sucede, el personaje de Fonda es extremadamente agradable y falso a la mujer de su hijo está saliendo.Pero tan pronto como se entere de que se casan, boom, Fonda hace todo en su poder para tratar de deshacerse de ella.

su hijo era su niño de oro, el que no podía equivocarse en sus ojos y solo merece el mejor.