Hope U all enjoy this chapter... Fr

Hope U all enjoy this chapter... Friends... I won't be able to update weekly for next few weeks ... I will update every alternate week... I am going through many problems at my work... I am working late hours so hope U understand and support my decision. I really enjoy reading your comments... I do read every single comment but due to of short time I focus on updating chapter instead replying to every comment... Please keep commenting... your comments keep me going... Thanks... Bhavini Shah

Chapter 30:

Jalal's state of mind

Why did I get so upset with Jodha? Don't I sometimes doubt Badi Ammi?

Then, Why am I disappointed, when Jodha questioned about her... She has a valid reason to doubt Badi Ammi, In both cases she was right... I also suspected Badi Ammi, not once but many times in the past but never found any evidence or proof against her... and Yes, I also had strong doubts on badi ammi both the times... I have tried to find who conspired against Jodha...Who wrote that letter to Sujamal...??? In that case my first doubt was Badi Ammi... She is the one who receives all the messages first but letter handwriting didn't match with badi ammi's ... Someone else wrote that letter... All of a sudden, all of the gate men disappeared then died before anyone could get to them... Whoever did this conspiracy, cleaned all the evidence very cleverly... In the middle of the night Badi ammi came to inform me about Jodha leaving palace... and the way she poisoned my mind against Jodha... I have not forgotten that Jodha begum... but I can't blame her for such a big conspiracy without any strong evidence.

I have also inquired about the night when I passed out, I didn't wanted you to worry about it so I kept it to myself... I doubted first on Rukaiya begum because she was the one who challenged you, but few days later when I asked her about the night... I realized she was also shocked about me passing out suddenly.. then I discussed it with hakim, why suddenly I passed out... She smelled in my breath and told I was given some sleeping herb...Hakim also mentioned same type of herb use in when someone in extreme pain and Badi Ammi requested that medicine. I went straight to Badi Ammi and asked badi ammi, Why she needed that medicine... She took me to the jail and gave proof that she gave that medicine to an injured prisoner who was beaten ruthlessly by Adham. She again proved herself innocent and proved my doubt wrong but It's still hard to accept because she is not soft hearted at all for prisoners... She is really cruel towards criminals and prisoners.

My mind has doubted on her intentions many times... Because of her high ambitions for position and power, I know she has done some unforgivable crimes. I had strong suspicion on her when Khan baba got murdered... First she played with my mind politically and created huge rift between me and Behram Khan baba... I broke his heart and trust on me by pulling my sword against him. He instantly backed down and decided to walk out of my life even after I begged him not to leave me. She indirectly slowly poisoned my mind by pointing out he was the one who was ruling the entire sultanate and my young blood strived for freedom from him. The way I was played and manipulated, I didn't understood that time but I can clearly see what happened in the past. I even know there was a big conspiracy behind his death... but again no evidence... and I was so dominated by her love... To hide Adham's mistakes she has played many games with many lies... I have ignored all of them... My mind always warned me for her witty and sometimes evil intentions... Even today in Diwan E khaas... I saw her expression, she was upset and angry with the announcement... and when I met her today she completely changed her attitude... she can be a sweet & cruel person at the same time... I know very well, she hates hindu and specially Jodha...

Jodha Begum, I know you are not wrong but my heart doesn't like anyone else accusing Badi Ammi... Somewhere in my heart I believe that she will not betray my trust...and she will never hurt me. She can manipulate me to gain more power but I am sure, her heart beats for me...She loves me more than her own son, Her sacrifices for me are much more valuable in my life than these doubts. She will always stand by me whenever I will need her.

As always, he comforted his restless heart thinking that Badi Ammi loves him and will never betrayed him.

Jodha's Inner talk
Jodha was shocked with Jalal's behavior... She never thought Jalal compared Hamida begum with Maham... and He loved Maham more... She realized unknowingly, she has hurt him deeply... She accused the person who he respects the most... Is my thinking about Maham wrong... am I really wrong...? Why I always feel that she has evil intentions... Is it because she doesn't like me... Have I just built up wrong image of her in my mind... May be Shahenshah is right... I shouldn't have accused her so strongly without any solid proof...

Jalal's change of attitude towards Hamida & inner talk
While walking towards Diwan e Khaas Jalal saw Hamida banu sitting on the bench peacefully with closed eyes... Her face had immense calmness... Rays of the sun were making her face glorious... His feet stopped robotically seeing her resting, he was astonished ... Jalal had never seen his Ammi Jaan relaxing like this... He has always seen her running around to finish different tasks... her list of works were sometimes bigger than his work... She was not only active in political work but also helped Rukaiya in harem, Her top priority was social work, after Jalal took over... She was the first one who pointed out about how young girls under fourteen were forcefully getting married to the older men against their wish... She strongly stood in Diwan E Khaas to build a law against this brutality towards little girls. She never mentioned but herself got married in a very young age of twelve to a thirty two year man (Humayun)... She never showed her loneliness and pain to anyone.

Jalal never appreciated directly for her hard work but he always knew she has devoted her life to this sultanate ... He knew, she always worked till late nights and woke up early in the morning... He never saw her doing anything for her own enjoyment... After seeing her resting in the afternoon, little surprising smile smeared his face ... He was standing there and gazing at his mother's divine face and probably admiring her for the first time...

While watching her, he got lost in deep thoughts, He realized how slowly everything has changed since Jodha came to his life... Suddenly his views have changed and now he can see everything so clearly...Hamida's unbreakable trust on Jodha was one of reason Jalal was feeling much more closer to her than ever before. Little by little he was getting detached from Maham, and coming closer to his Ammi Jaan. Realization came with a curbed desire... He thought... I always maintained distance from my ammi jaan but why today... something is pulling me towards her, I always felt Ammi Jaan doesn't love me and she ignored me...but I don't know when and why, I started comparing her with (maham)badi ammi ... Little by little I closed my heart with bitterness towards ammi jaan ... It always hurt me, she picked her duty first than her own children... but lately it feels what she did was right ... I always felt in the past that she was selfish but my vision has changed... now my heart understands her sacrifice... her love... The way I look at everything today is so different and clear... I can see, she is a selfless person... who has sacrificed her motherhood... took hatred from her kids for their betterment... I still remember her helpless vulnerable eyes... when she went out for weeks leaving us in the palace. She always juggled between her kids and her duty towards the sultanate... I have never given her the importance which she deserves...