After my mother falls back to sleep

After my mother falls back to sleep, I go to the grocery store. Kel's favorite food is basagna. It's how he used to say lasagna, so we still call it basagna. I gather everything I need for the meal and I go back home and start cooking.
 
"Smells like basagna," Mom says as she comes out of her bedroom. She's in regular clothes now. She must have taken her scrubs off for the last time.
 
"Yep. I figured we could make Kel his favorite tonight. He'll need it."
 
She walks to the sink and washes her hands before she starts helping me layer the noodles.
 
"So, I guess we finally stopped carving pumpkins?" she asks.
 
"Yep," I reply. "The pumpkins have all been carved."
 
She laughs.
 
"Mom? Before he gets here, we need to talk. About what's going to happen to him."
 
"I want to, Lake. I want to talk about it."
 
"Why don't you want him to be with me? Do you not think I'm capable? That I wouldn't make a good mom?"
 
She layers the last of the noodles as I cover them with sauce.
 
"Lake, I don't think that at all. I just want you to be able to live your life. I've spent the entire last eighteen years raising you, teaching you everything I know. It's supposed to be time for you to go screw up. Make mistakes. Not raise a child."
 
"But sometimes life doesn't happen in chronological order," I say. "You're a prime example of that. If it did, you wouldn't die until you were supposed to. Until you were seventy-seven or so, I think. That's the average age of death."
 
She laughs and shakes her head.
 
"Seriously, Mom. I want him. I want to raise him. He'll want to stay with me, you know he will. You have to give us the choice. We haven't had a choice in any of this. You have to give us this one."
 
"Okay," she says.
 
"Okay? Okay you'll think about it? Or okay, okay?"
 
"Okay, okay."
 
I hug her. I hug her tighter than I've ever hugged her before.
 
"Lake?" she says. "You're getting basagna sauce all over me."
 
I pull away and realize I'm still holding the spatula and it's dripping all over her back.
 
***
 
"Why can't he come over?" Kel asks after I pull in the driveway and send Caulder home.
 
"I told you already. Mom needs to talk to us."
 
We walk inside the house and Mom is putting the basagna in the oven.
 
"Mom, guess what?" Kel says as he runs to the kitchen.
 
"What, Sweetie?"
 
"Our school is having a costume contest on Halloween. The winner gets fifty bucks!"
 
"Fifty bucks? Wow. Have you decided what you want to be yet?"
 
"Not yet." He walks over to the bar and throws his backpack down.
 
"Did your sister tell you we're all having a talk tonight?"
 
"Yeah. She didn't have to, though. We're having basagna."
 
My mother and I both look at him.
 
"Every time we have basagna it's bad news. Y'all cooked basagna when grandpa died. Y'all cooked basagna when y'all told me dad was dead. Y'all cooked basagna when y'all told me we were moving to Michigan. Y'all are cooking basagna right now. Someone's either dying or we're moving back to Texas."
 
My mom looks at me wide eyed, questioning our timing. He seems to have opened it up for an even earlier discussion. She walks over to him and sits down. I follow suit.
 
"You're very observant, that's for sure," she says.
 
"So, which one is it?" he asks, looking up at her.
 
She places her hand on the side of his face and strokes it. "I have lung cancer, Kel."
 
He immediately throws his arms around her and hugs her. She strokes the back of his head, but he doesn't cry. They are both silent for a while as she waits for him to speak.
 
"Are you gonna die?" he finally asks. His voice is muffled because his head is buried in her shirt.
 
"I am, Sweetie. But I don't know when. Until then though, we're going to spend a lot of time together. I quit my job today so that I can spend more time with you."
 
I wasn't sure how he would react. At only nine years old, he probably won't grasp the true reality of it until after she actually passes away. My father's death was sudden and unexpected, which naturally prompted a more dramatic reaction from him.
 
"But what about after you die? Who are we gonna go live with?"
 
"Your sister is an adult now. You're going to live with her."
 
"But I wanna stay here, by Caulder," he says as he lifts his head from her shirt and looks at me. "Layken, are you gonna make me move back to Texas with you?"
 
Up until this very second, I had every intention of moving back to Texas.
 
"No, Kel. We're staying right here."
 
Kel sighs, soaking in everything he's just been told. "Are you scared, Mom?" he asks her.
 
"Not anymore," she says. "I've had a lot of time to accept it. In fact, I feel lucky. Unlike your dad, at least I've got warning. Now I get to spend more time with the two of you here at home."
 
He lets go of my mother and puts his elbows on the bar.
 
"You have to promise me something, Layken."
 
"Okay," I respond.
 
"Don't ever make basagna again."
 
We all laugh. We all laugh. This was the hardest thing my mother and I have ever had to do,

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

Setelah ibu saya jatuh kembali tidur, aku pergi ke toko kelontong. Makanan favorit dariJaffray adalah basagna. Ini adalah bagaimana ia digunakan untuk mengatakan lasagna, jadi kita masih menyebutnya basagna. Aku mengumpulkan semua yang saya butuhkan untuk makan dan aku pulang dan mulai memasak. "Bau basagna," ibu mengatakan dia datang dari kamar tidur. Dia adalah pakaian biasa sekarang. Dia harus telah mengambil scrub nya untuk terakhir kalinya. "Yap. Saya pikir kita bisa membuat Kel kesukaannya malam ini. Dia akan perlu." Dia berjalan ke wastafel dan mencuci tangan sebelum ia mulai membantu saya lapisan mie. "Jadi, saya kira kita akhirnya berhenti ukiran labu?" Dia bertanya. "Ya," saya menjawab. "Labu memiliki semua telah diukir." Dia tertawa. "Ibu? Sebelum dia sampai di sini, kita perlu berbicara. Tentang apa yang akan terjadi kepadanya." "Saya ingin, danau. Saya ingin berbicara tentang hal itu." "Mengapa tidak Anda ingin dia bersama dengan saya? Apakah Anda tidak berpikir aku mampu? Bahwa saya tidak akan membuat seorang ibu yang baik?" Dia lapisan terakhir dari mie sebagai aku menutupi mereka dengan saus. "Danau, saya tidak berpikir itu sama sekali. Aku hanya ingin Anda mampu untuk hidup Anda. Saya telah menghabiskan seluruh tahun delapan belas membesarkan Anda, mengajar Anda semua yang saya tahu. Ini seharusnya menjadi waktu bagi Anda untuk naik sekrup. Membuat kesalahan. Tidak membesarkan anak." "Tapi kadang-kadang hidup tidak terjadi dalam urutan kronologis," kataku. "Kau contoh utama itu. Jika demikian, Anda tidak akan mati sampai Anda seharusnya. Sampai kau tujuh puluh tujuh atau lebih, saya pikir. Itu adalah usia rata-rata kematian." She laughs and shakes her head. "Seriously, Mom. I want him. I want to raise him. He'll want to stay with me, you know he will. You have to give us the choice. We haven't had a choice in any of this. You have to give us this one." "Okay," she says. "Okay? Okay you'll think about it? Or okay, okay?" "Okay, okay." I hug her. I hug her tighter than I've ever hugged her before. "Lake?" she says. "You're getting basagna sauce all over me." I pull away and realize I'm still holding the spatula and it's dripping all over her back. *** "Why can't he come over?" Kel asks after I pull in the driveway and send Caulder home. "I told you already. Mom needs to talk to us." We walk inside the house and Mom is putting the basagna in the oven. "Mom, guess what?" Kel says as he runs to the kitchen. "What, Sweetie?" "Our school is having a costume contest on Halloween. The winner gets fifty bucks!" "Fifty bucks? Wow. Have you decided what you want to be yet?" "Not yet." He walks over to the bar and throws his backpack down. "Did your sister tell you we're all having a talk tonight?" "Yeah. She didn't have to, though. We're having basagna." My mother and I both look at him. "Every time we have basagna it's bad news. Y'all cooked basagna when grandpa died. Y'all cooked basagna when y'all told me dad was dead. Y'all cooked basagna when y'all told me we were moving to Michigan. Y'all are cooking basagna right now. Someone's either dying or we're moving back to Texas." My mom looks at me wide eyed, questioning our timing. He seems to have opened it up for an even earlier discussion. She walks over to him and sits down. I follow suit. "You're very observant, that's for sure," she says. "So, which one is it?" he asks, looking up at her. She places her hand on the side of his face and strokes it. "I have lung cancer, Kel." He immediately throws his arms around her and hugs her. She strokes the back of his head, but he doesn't cry. They are both silent for a while as she waits for him to speak. "Are you gonna die?" he finally asks. His voice is muffled because his head is buried in her shirt. "I am, Sweetie. But I don't know when. Until then though, we're going to spend a lot of time together. I quit my job today so that I can spend more time with you." I wasn't sure how he would react. At only nine years old, he probably won't grasp the true reality of it until after she actually passes away. My father's death was sudden and unexpected, which naturally prompted a more dramatic reaction from him. "But what about after you die? Who are we gonna go live with?" "Your sister is an adult now. You're going to live with her." "But I wanna stay here, by Caulder," he says as he lifts his head from her shirt and looks at me. "Layken, are you gonna make me move back to Texas with you?" Up until this very second, I had every intention of moving back to Texas. "No, Kel. We're staying right here." Kel sighs, soaking in everything he's just been told. "Are you scared, Mom?" he asks her. "Not anymore," she says. "I've had a lot of time to accept it. In fact, I feel lucky. Unlike your dad, at least I've got warning. Now I get to spend more time with the two of you here at home." He lets go of my mother and puts his elbows on the bar. "You have to promise me something, Layken." "Okay," I respond. "Don't ever make basagna again." We all laugh. We all laugh. This was the hardest thing my mother and I have ever had to do,

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 2:

Setelah ibu saya jatuh kembali tidur, aku pergi ke toko kelontong. Makanan favorit Kel adalah basagna. Ini bagaimana ia digunakan untuk mengatakan lasagna, jadi kami masih menyebutnya basagna. Aku mengumpulkan semua yang saya butuhkan untuk makan dan aku kembali ke rumah dan mulai memasak. "Bau seperti basagna," Mom mengatakan saat ia keluar dari kamar tidurnya. Dia di pakaian biasa sekarang. Dia pasti telah mengambil scrub liburnya untuk terakhir kalinya. "Yap. Aku pikir kami bisa membuat Kel malam favoritnya. Dia akan membutuhkannya." Dia berjalan ke wastafel dan mencuci tangan sebelum dia mulai membantu saya lapisan mie. "Jadi, saya kira kita akhirnya berhenti mengukir labu?" dia bertanya. "Ya," jawabku. "The labu semuanya telah diukir." Dia tertawa. "Mom? Sebelum ia tiba di sini, kita perlu bicara. Tentang apa yang akan terjadi padanya." "Aku ingin, Lake. Saya ingin berbicara tentang hal itu." " Mengapa Anda tidak ingin dia bersamaku? Apakah Anda tidak berpikir aku mampu? Bahwa aku tidak akan membuat ibu yang baik? " dia lapisan terakhir dari mie yang saya menutupi mereka dengan saus. " Lake, saya tidak berpikir bahwa sama sekali. saya hanya ingin Anda untuk dapat menjalani hidup Anda. aku telah menghabiskan seluruh delapan belas tahun terakhir membesarkan Anda, mengajar Anda semua yang saya tahu. Ini seharusnya menjadi waktu bagi Anda untuk pergi mengacaukan. membuat kesalahan. tidak membesarkan seorang anak. " " Tapi kadang-kadang hidup tidak terjadi secara kronologis, "kataku. "Kau contoh utama dari itu. Jika tidak, Anda tidak akan mati sampai Anda seharusnya. Sampai kau tujuh puluh tujuh atau lebih, saya pikir. Itu rata-rata usia kematian." Dia tertawa dan getar nya kepala. "Serius, Mom. aku ingin dia. saya ingin membesarkan dia. dia akan ingin tinggal dengan saya, Anda tahu dia akan. Anda harus memberikan kami pilihan. Kami tidak punya pilihan dalam semua ini . Anda harus memberikan kita satu ini. " " Oke, "katanya. " Oke? Oke Anda akan berpikir tentang hal itu? Atau apa-apa, oke? " " Oke, oke. " aku memeluknya. Aku memeluknya erat daripada yang pernah saya memeluknya sebelumnya. "Lake?" katanya. "Anda mendapatkan saus basagna seluruh saya." Aku menarik diri dan menyadari aku masih memegang spatula dan itu menetes seluruh punggungnya. *** "Mengapa tidak bisa dia datang?" Kel bertanya setelah aku menarik di jalan masuk dan mengirim pulang Caulder. "Saya sudah katakan. Ibu untuk berbicara dengan kami." Kami berjalan di dalam rumah dan Ibu adalah meletakkan basagna di oven. "Mom, coba tebak?" Kel mengatakan saat ia berjalan ke dapur. "Apa, Sweetie?" "Sekolah kami memiliki kontes kostum Halloween. Pemenangnya mendapat lima puluh dolar!" "Lima puluh dolar? Wow. Apakah Anda memutuskan apa yang Anda inginkan untuk menjadi belum?" "Belum." Dia berjalan ke bar dan melempar ranselnya ke bawah. "Apakah kakak Anda memberitahu Anda kita semua memiliki bicara malam ini?" "Ya. Dia tidak perlu, meskipun. Kami memiliki basagna." Ibu saya dan aku baik melihat dia. "Setiap kali kita memiliki basagna itu berita buruk. kalian dimasak basagna ketika kakek meninggal. kalian dimasak basagna ketika kalian bilang ayah sudah mati. kalian dimasak basagna ketika kalian mengatakan saya kami pindah ke Michigan. Kalian sedang memasak basagna sekarang. Seseorang baik mati atau kita akan pindah kembali ke Texas. " Ibuku menatapku lebar bermata, mempertanyakan waktu kami. Dia tampaknya telah membukanya untuk diskusi lebih awal. Dia berjalan ke arahnya dan duduk. Aku mengikutinya. "Kau sangat jeli, itu sudah pasti," katanya. "Jadi, yang satu itu?" dia bertanya, sambil menatapnya. Dia menempatkan tangannya di sisi wajahnya dan stroke itu. "Saya menderita kanker paru-paru, Kel." Dia segera melemparkan pelukannya dan memeluknya. Dia mengusap bagian belakang kepalanya, tapi dia tidak menangis. Mereka berdua diam untuk sementara waktu sambil menunggu dia untuk berbicara. "Apakah kau akan mati?" ia akhirnya bertanya. Suaranya teredam karena kepalanya dimakamkan di bajunya. "Saya, Sweetie. Tapi saya tidak tahu kapan. Sampai saat itu meskipun, kita akan menghabiskan banyak waktu bersama-sama. Saya keluar dari pekerjaan saya hari ini sehingga saya bisa menghabiskan lebih banyak waktu dengan Anda. " saya tidak yakin bagaimana dia akan bereaksi. Pada usia sembilan tahun, ia mungkin tidak akan memahami realitas sejati itu sampai setelah dia benar-benar meninggal. Kematian ayahku tiba-tiba dan tak terduga, yang secara alami memicu reaksi lebih dramatis dari dia. "Tapi bagaimana setelah Anda mati? Siapa akan kita tinggal bersama?" "Kakakmu adalah orang dewasa sekarang. Kau akan hidup dengan nya. " " Tapi aku ingin tinggal di sini, oleh Caulder, "katanya sambil mengangkat kepalanya dari bajunya dan menatapku. "Layken, kau akan membuat saya kembali ke Texas dengan Anda?" Sampai detik ini, saya berniat untuk pindah kembali ke Texas. "Tidak, Kel. Kami tinggal di sini." Kel mendesah, berendam dalam semuanya dia hanya diberitahu. "Apakah kau takut, Mom?" dia bertanya padanya. "Tidak lagi," katanya. "Aku punya banyak waktu untuk menerimanya. Bahkan, saya merasa beruntung. Tidak seperti ayahmu, setidaknya aku punya peringatan. Sekarang aku bisa menghabiskan lebih banyak waktu dengan Anda berdua di sini di rumah." Dia melepaskan ibu saya dan menempatkan siku di bar. "Anda harus berjanji sesuatu, layken." "Oke," aku menanggapi. "Jangan pernah melakukan basagna lagi." Kami semua tertawa. Kita semua tertawa. Ini adalah hal yang paling sulit ibu saya dan saya pernah harus melakukan,