I was the female version of Dean ri

I was the female version of Dean right now, texting someone who was so not interested. Had he stressed over that text as much as I had? He’d probably gone through three different versions before settling on the innocuous greeting. Seeing that truly was a kick to the chest. My heart ached.
Slipping the phone into the back pocket of my jeans, I swallowed the cluster of tears that were threatening to turn me into a fat, angry baby. I needed to pull it together. I made this mess. Reece made his decision. Contrary to what Katie believed, I wasn’t in love with him.
I hadn’t fallen that far for him.
I hadn’t fallen for anyone that hard and I never would.
Friday afternoon, I wasn’t thinking about Reece at all. A different kind of problem had surfaced, a far more serious one than my relationship or lack thereof.
Nurse Venter stood beside me, at the foot of Charlie’s bed, her face contorted in a sympathetic expression that really did reach her tired eyes. “If you need anything, you know where to find me.”
Afraid to speak, all I could do was nod. She left the room, quietly closing the door behind her, and I was stuck standing. It was like someone had pressed the pause button on life.
Charlie was back on the feeding tube.
I wanted to close my eyes, but what was the point? It didn’t change what I was seeing. It wouldn’t undo anything. When I opened them up, Charlie would still be in the same position. His life would not somehow rewind.
The pale lilac comforter was tucked up to Charlie’s slender chest, hiding everything from the shoulders down, but I knew that his hands were restrained under the blanket, secured to the bed.
I hated that, absolutely loathed that he was tied up. It seemed too inhumane and cruel even though I knew there was a valid reason for it. The moment the feeding tube was hooked up, he’d started pulling at it. They did this for his own good, but it still hurt to see it.
I forced myself to the chair next to his bed and sat stiffly, placing the tote beside me. Reaching out, I found his hand under the blanket and folded both of mine over his. “Charlie,” I whispered. “What are we going to do?”
Charlie’s eyes were open, and I wished they were closed, because there was something wrong with them. They were dull, absolutely lifeless. I would’ve thought he was a mannequin if it wasn’t for the occasional blink or tremor that coursed down his arm.
Fear clawed at me as I stared at him. Oh God, he didn’t look good. I couldn’t remember him ever looking this frail and sallow before.
Minutes ticked by and the only sound was the chirping of birds outside the window and the low hum of conversation from other rooms. There was a ball of cold dread sitting in the center of my chest as I sat there. This . . . this reminded me of my grandfather who’d been sick and in hospice care before passing away. I was a little girl then, but I remembered my mom sitting at a bed just like this, holding my grandfather’s hand and whispering to him while he slept so deeply I couldn’t remember seeing his chest move.
This felt like that, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were not alone in this room. That there was a third entity, and it was death.
Scooting as close as I could get to the bed, I closed my eyes and rested my head on the pillow next to his. “I miss you so much,” I whispered thickly. “I know you know that.”
Tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes as I tightened my hold on the blanket and his hand. Who knew I could still cry so easily after the week I had? Maybe I was turning into an emotional mess. At this moment, I didn’t care. The turmoil I felt over Reece was nothing in comparison to how I felt now. I wanted to crawl in bed with him, but I was afraid of disturbing his feeding tube.
I knew that I needed to act like nothing was wrong. I needed to pull out one of the paintings I brought in for him—one that I had done weeks ago, and I needed to read to him. That was the normalcy of our visits. I liked to think both of us needed that.
But as I lay there, all I could think was about the span of minutes that had changed everything for Charlie, for me. No matter how many years had passed, it still felt like yesterday.

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

Saya adalah versi perempuan dari Dean sekarang, texting seseorang jadi tidak tertarik. Telah ia stres atas teks sebanyak aku? Dia telah mungkin pergi melalui tiga versi yang berbeda sebelum menetap di berbahaya salam. Melihat itu benar-benar adalah menendang ke dada. Hatiku sakit.Tergelincir telepon ke dalam saku celana jins saya kembali, saya menelan cluster air mata yang mengancam untuk mengubah saya menjadi bayi lemak, marah. Saya perlu untuk menarik bersama-sama. Saya membuat kekacauan ini. Reece membuat keputusannya. Bertentangan dengan apa yang Katie percaya, aku tidak jatuh cinta dengannya.Aku tidak jatuh yang jauh baginya.Aku tidak jatuh untuk siapa saja yang keras dan saya tidak akan pernah.Jum'at, saya tidak berpikir tentang Reece sama sekali. Yang berbeda jenis masalah telah muncul, yang jauh lebih serius daripada hubungan saya atau ketiadaan.Perawat Venter berdiri di samping saya, di kaki Charlie's tidur, wajahnya mengerut dalam ekspresi simpatik yang benar-benar mencapai mata lelah. "Jika Anda membutuhkan sesuatu, Anda tahu di mana menemukan saya."Takut untuk berbicara, yang bisa saya lakukan adalah mengangguk. Dia meninggalkan Kamar, diam-diam menutup pintu di belakangnya, dan aku terjebak berdiri. Rasanya seperti seseorang telah menekan tombol pause hidup.Charlie adalah kembali pada sonde.Aku ingin memejamkan mata, tapi apa adalah titik? Itu tidak mengubah apa yang kulihat. Itu tidak akan membatalkan apa-apa. Ketika saya membuka mereka, Charlie akan tetap berada di posisi yang sama. Hidupnya akan tidak entah bagaimana mundur.Penghibur pucat ungu terselip untuk Charlie's ramping dada, bersembunyi segala sesuatu dari bahu ke bawah, tapi aku tahu bahwa tangannya yang menahan di bawah selimut, diamankan ke tempat tidur.Aku benci itu, benar-benar dibenci bahwa ia diikat. Tampaknya terlalu tidak manusiawi dan kejam meskipun aku tahu ada alasan yang sah untuk itu. Saat sonde ketagihan, dia sudah mulai menarik itu. Mereka melakukan ini untuk kebaikan sendiri, tapi itu masih terluka untuk melihatnya.Aku memaksa diriku ke kursi di samping tempat tidurnya dan duduk kaku, menempatkan tote sampingku. Mengulurkan tangan, saya menemukan tangannya di bawah selimut dan dilipat kedua saya atas. "Charlie," bisikku. "Apa yang kita akan lakukan?"Charlie's mata yang terbuka, dan saya berharap mereka tertutup, karena ada sesuatu yang salah dengan mereka. Mereka adalah membosankan, dan benar-benar tak bernyawa. Aku akan berpikir dia adalah manekin kalau bukan karena kadang-kadang berkedip atau getaran yang coursed ke bawah lengan.Ketakutan mencakar padaku seperti aku menatapnya. Oh Tuhan, dia tidak terlihat bagus. Aku tidak bisa ingat dia pernah melihat ini lemah dan sallow sebelum.Menit oleh ticked dan itu hanya suara kicau burung di luar jendela dan dengung yang rendah percakapan dari kamar lain. Ada bola dingin ketakutan duduk di pusat dada saya sebagai aku duduk di sana. Ini... ini mengingatkan saya kakek saya yang telah sakit dan perawatan rumah sakit sebelum meninggal dunia. Saya adalah seorang gadis kecil itu, tapi aku ingat ibuku duduk di tempat tidur seperti ini, memegang tangan kakek saya dan berbisik kepadanya sementara dia tidur begitu mendalam saya tidak ingat melihat dadanya bergerak.Ini merasa seperti itu, dan aku tidak bisa menyingkirkan perasaan bahwa kita bukanlah sendirian di ruangan ini. Bahwa ada suatu entitas yang ketiga, dan itu adalah kematian.Scooting sedekat aku bisa ke tempat tidur, aku memejamkan mata dan beristirahat kepala saya di atas bantal di sebelah nya. "I miss you so much," bisikku tebal. "Aku tahu kau tahu itu."Air mata bocor keluar dari sudut mataku seperti saya mengencang saya terus selimut dan tangan. Siapa yang tahu aku masih bisa menangis begitu mudah setelah minggu aku? Mungkin aku telah berubah ke dalam kekacauan emosional. Saat ini, aku tidak peduli. Kekacauan aku merasa atas Reece ada dibandingkan dengan bagaimana aku merasa sekarang. Saya ingin merayap di tempat tidur dengan dia, tapi aku takut mengganggu nya tabung.Saya tahu bahwa saya perlu untuk bertindak seperti tidak ada yang salah. Saya perlu untuk menarik keluar salah satu lukisan saya membawa dia — yang saya lakukan minggu lalu, dan saya perlu membaca kepadanya. Itu adalah normal dari kunjungan kami. Aku suka berpikir kita berdua diperlukan bahwa.But as I lay there, all I could think was about the span of minutes that had changed everything for Charlie, for me. No matter how many years had passed, it still felt like yesterday.