I steady myself, throw my shoulders

I steady myself, throw my shoulders back and hold my head up just like I used to do in high school when I was the new girl in the halls and not accepted yet into the throngs of mean girls with inflated self-entitlement. I flash Bram a confident, albeit hella fake, smile and walk over to his car, all prepared to handle the situation with ease.
But he’s fast and he comes around the hood and right up to me, quickly taking the booster seat out of my hands. I’m prepared for him to smell like cigars and mint again, but this time it’s just something fresh and earthy like the woods after it rains.
“I can handle it,” I tell him. I can’t help but snipe at him, aware that I’m being a bit of a bitch.
He doesn’t seem to notice and before I can ask him if he knows what he’s doing, he’s opening the back door to the vehicle and strapping the seat in like a pro.
I’m almost impressed. “You always give rides to moms?”
He raises his brow. “None as beautiful as you.” He looks at Ava and crouches down to her level. “What’s your name, little one?”
“I’m not, little one,” she says, frowning. “I’m Ava. And I’m a big girl.”
He nods, his face sincere. Now looking at him in the waning daylight, he looks different than I remember six months ago. Older, I guess, though I know he has to be around thirty-five. Maybe the suit and the way it cuts to his body perfectly is making him look more mature. Maybe it’s the car. Maybe it’s the few strands of grey I can see at the temple of his thick head of dark hair. Maybe it’s because I’m sober and so is he. At least, I hope so.
“So, are you the designated driver for the night?” I ask him, picking up Ava and placing her in the booster seat. “Or did you lose a bet?”
“I never lose bets,” he says smoothly as he stands behind me. I quickly look over my shoulder and catch him checking out my ass.
“Get a good look?” I straighten up and turn around.
“Of your arse?” he asks, sticking his hands into his pockets in a boyish gesture. “Yes. But only because I know it bugs you so much. You know, anything that’s remotely sexual.”
My eyes widen and I look down at Ava. She’s completely oblivious and I carefully shut the door. “Look,” I quickly say, pointing at him. “You may think you know me from our little…meeting, but you don’t.”
He reaches out and grasps my finger in his hand. His skin is warm and surprisingly soft, but then again, even though he may have the body for it, I’m sure Bram didn’t get his money from chopping trees all day or doing hard labor.
“Hey,” he says, voice gruff, still holding onto my finger. “I know we don’t really know each other and when we last, erm, talked, well, I may have been a few sheets to the wind. But how about we start again? I’m Bram McGregor.”
He turns my hand over so that he’s now holding it in a handshake. I’m not sure I can do this as easily as he can, but I find myself saying, “Okay. I’m Nicola. Price.”
“Pleasure to meet you, Nicola Price. Can I give you a ride?”
I nod. “That would be nice.” I know my voice sounds stiff, but I guess it’s a start. The problem with my pride, though, is that it rarely lets me forget when it’s been burned.
Luckily Bram is completely genial during the drive to Linden’s apartment in Nob Hill. He spends most of it talking to Ava in the rearview mirror, asking her questions and treating her like she’s an adult. I can tell Ava adores it and by the time we’re close to Steph and Linden’s, she’s all googly-eyed over him. This is not good. Can’t she be like her mom and be suspicious of the men who smile too brightly and say all the right things?
Though I guess with Bram, he has a habit of saying all the wrong things.
“So, Nicola,” he says slowly as we wind through traffic. “You know, I don’t know much about you. Linden says you work in fashion like Stephanie.”
I did, I think bitterly but I manage to say, “Uh-huh.”
“So what’s your job?”
“What’s your job?” I ask, deflecting it back to him. Besides, I’m curious. In the past, Linden only described Bram as a playboy (or “bloody manwhore” I believe were his exact words) who didn’t do much but party it up in New York City. He moved to San Francisco a year ago, I guess to be close to Linden who had a frightful helicopter crash at the time, but I don’t know what he really does except flash those perfect teeth at people.
“I’m an apartment manager,” he says and when he sees the disbelieving look in my eyes, he goes on. “I’m serious. Well, to be more correct, I own an apartment complex in SOMA. Folsom and twelfth beside a Thai restaurant.”
He’s looking at me like I’ll know, like most newbies to the Bay Area do, like we know every Thai restaurant in town and every person called Dan.
“That couldn’t be cheap,” I say, looking back out the window as we crawl past the cars. There are so many gorgeous buildings in this city, places to die for, and over and over again I can’t help but wonder who can afford to live here. I once met an Uber driver who used to drive trucks across the country, who grew up in the city. He said back then, San Francisco was full of children. Now, you rarely see them. Sometimes I wonder if it would be better for Ava. and for me, to just move to a small town where she can have a different kind of life. Then I think about my dreams for my future, my career, and wonder if it’s okay for me to give up on them. I know it’s selfish of me not to, but I still can’t quite let go.
“Nothing in life is cheap,” Bram says but I barely hear him. I have to bring myself back into the moment and stop my head and my worries from running away on me. I came out tonight to put those on the backburner. God knows I’ll have more than enough time to worry after this.
“Am I boring you?” he asks and I turn my head to look at him.
“No. Sorry, I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
My brows lift up. “I don’t think we’re at that ‘let’s tell each other what we’re thinking’ stage.”
“Not yet.”
Not ever, I think. But I don’t want to answer any more questions about myself, so I ask him to tell me more about the apartment and I force myself to listen. The more he talks about it, though, the more I see this is something he’s actually stressing a bit over. I mean, it’s hard to tell if Bram is stressed or not because he always has that charmer expression on his face like he’s always trying to get in someone’s pants, male or female. But there’s a harder glint to his eyes when he talks about the rent of the building and how much he has to charge in order to make his mortgage.
“So why did you buy it?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I needed to do something.”
“Well, I wouldn’t worry about it,” I tell him. “Rent is phenomenal in the city even in SOMA. Everyone predicted it would be the next place to become the it place. Hell, I bet the Tenderloin will turn that way soon too. Hanging with crack addicts will become the cool thing to do and hipsters will take over the street corners. And my rent will go up once again.” He shoots me a quick glance at the hardness that crept up in my voice. I try to sound breezier. “Anyway, I’m sure you bought at the right time.”
“Maybe,” he says, running his long fingers over his dark stubble. He’s got a very manly-looking chin, but I quickly chide myself for noticing. “But when I bought the place, I was hoping to…well, doesn’t matter does it? What’s done is done.”

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

Aku tetap diriku, melempar saya bahu punggung dan memegang kepala saya seperti saya digunakan untuk melakukan di SMA ketika aku masih gadis baru di lorong-lorong dan tidak diterima belum ke kerumunan berarti gadis dengan hak diri yang meningkat. Saya flash Bram percaya diri, meskipun hella palsu, tersenyum dan berjalan ke mobilnya, Semua dipersiapkan untuk menangani situasi dengan mudah.Tapi ia cepat dan dia datang di sekitar tenda dan sampai saya, dengan cepat mengambil kursi booster keluar dari tangan saya. Saya siap baginya untuk berbau seperti cerutu dan mint lagi, tapi kali ini hanya sesuatu yang segar dan bersahaja seperti hutan setelah hujan."Saya bisa mengatasinya," Aku katakan padanya. Aku tidak bisa menahan snipe padanya, menyadari bahwa saya menjadi sedikit menyebalkan.Ia tidak memperhatikan dan sebelum aku bisa meminta dia jika dia tahu apa yang dia lakukan, dia membuka pintu belakang untuk kendaraan dan tegap kursi di seperti pro.Saya hampir terkesan. "Anda selalu memberikan wahana untuk ibu-ibu?"Dia mengangkat alis nya. "Tidak secantik Anda." Dia memandang Ava dan crouches ke tingkat nya. "Apa itu nama Anda, sedikit satu?""Aku tidak, sedikit satu," katanya, mengerutkan kening. "Aku Ava. "Dan aku seorang gadis yang besar."Dia mengangguk, wajahnya tulus. Sekarang melihat dia di siang hari menyusut, dia terlihat berbeda daripada aku ingat enam bulan yang lalu. Lebih tua, saya kira, meskipun aku tahu dia harus sekitar tiga puluh lima. Mungkin setelan dan cara memotong tubuhnya sempurna adalah membuat dia terlihat lebih matang. Mungkin itu adalah mobil. Mungkin itu adalah beberapa helai abu-abu yang saya dapat melihat pada Bait kepala tebal dari rambut gelap. Mungkin itu adalah karena aku sadar dan begitu juga dia. Setidaknya, aku berharap demikian."Jadi, Apakah Anda pengandar yang ditunjuk untuk malam?" Aku bertanya kepadanya, mengambil Ava dan menempatkan dia di kursi booster. "Atau apakah Anda kehilangan taruhan?""Saya tidak pernah kehilangan taruhan," katanya lancar ketika ia berdiri di belakang saya. Aku segera Cari over my shoulder dan menangkap dia memeriksa pantatku."Mendapatkan tampilan yang baik?" Saya berdiri tegak dan berbalik."Dari pantat Anda?" Dia bertanya, menempel tangannya ke dalam saku dalam sikap kekanak-kanakan. "Ya. Tapi hanya karena saya tahu itu bug Anda begitu banyak. Anda tahu, apa pun yang jauh seksual."Memperluas mataku dan aku melihat ke bawah di Ava. Dia benar-benar menyadari dan aku dengan hati-hati menutup pintu. "Lihat," Aku cepat berkata, menunjuk kepadanya. "Anda mungkin berpikir Anda tahu saya dari kami sedikit... Rapat, tapi Anda tidak."Dia mengulurkan dan menggenggam jari saya di tangannya. Kulitnya hangat dan mengejutkan lembut, tapi sekali lagi, meskipun ia mungkin memiliki tubuh untuk itu, saya yakin Bram tidak mendapatkan uang dari memotong pohon sepanjang hari atau melakukan kerja keras."Hei," katanya, suara kasar, masih memegang jari saya. "Saya tahu kita tidak benar-benar tahu satu sama lain dan ketika kita terakhir, erm, berbicara, Yah, aku mungkin telah beberapa lembar untuk angin. Tapi bagaimana kita mulai lagi? Aku Bram McGregor."Dia ternyata tanganku selama sehingga ia sekarang adalah memegangnya di jabat tangan. Saya tidak yakin saya bisa melakukan ini dengan mudah karena dia bisa, tapi aku mendapati diriku berkata, "Oke. Aku Nicola. Harga.""Senang bertemu dengan Anda, Nicola Price. Dapatkah saya memberikan tumpangan?"Aku mengangguk. "Itu akan bagus." Aku tahu suara suara saya kaku, tapi kurasa itu adalah awal. Masalah dengan kesombongan saya, meskipun, adalah bahwa hal itu jarang memungkinkan saya lupa ketika itu telah dibakar.Untungnya Bram benar-benar ramah selama perjalanan ke Linden di apartemen di Nob Hill. Dia menghabiskan sebagian besar berbicara Ava di kaca spion, mengajukan pertanyaan-pertanyaan dia dan memperlakukan dia seperti dia adalah orang dewasa. Saya dapat memberitahu Ava memuja itu dan pada saat kami sedang Steph dan Linden's, dia semua bermata googly atas dirinya. Hal ini tidak baik. Tidak dia bisa seperti ibunya dan bersikap curiga terhadap orang-orang yang tersenyum terlalu cerah dan mengatakan semua hal yang benar?Meskipun saya kira dengan Bram, ia memiliki kebiasaan mengatakan semua hal-hal yang salah."Jadi, Nicola," katanya perlahan-lahan karena kami angin melalui lalu lintas. "Kau tahu, aku tidak tahu banyak tentang Anda. Linden mengatakan Anda bekerja di fashion seperti Stephanie."Saya lakukan, saya pikir pahit tetapi saya mengelola untuk mengatakan, "Uh-huh.""Jadi apa adalah pekerjaan Anda?""Apa itu pekerjaan Anda?" Saya bertanya, membelokkan kembali kepadanya. Selain itu, saya ingin tahu. Di masa lalu, Linden hanya digambarkan Bram sebagai playboy (atau "berdarah manwhore" saya percaya adalah kata yang tepat) yang tidak berbuat banyak tapi pihak it di New York City. Ia pindah ke San Francisco setahun yang lalu, saya kira untuk menjadi dekat dengan Linden yang kecelakaan helikopter mengerikan saat itu, tapi saya tidak tahu apa yang dia benar-benar kecuali flash gigi-gigi yang sempurna pada orang."Saya seorang manajer apartemen," katanya dan ketika ia melihat tampilan disbelieving di mata saya, dia melanjutkan. "Aku serius. Nah, untuk menjadi lebih benar, saya sendiri sebuah apartemen kompleks di SOMA. Folsom dan kedua belas di samping restoran Thailand.Dia menatapku seperti aku akan tahu, seperti kebanyakan pemula untuk Bay Area, seperti yang kita tahu setiap Thai restaurant di kota dan setiap orang yang dipanggil Dan."Yang tidak bisa menjadi murah," saya mengatakan, melihat kembali keluar jendela seperti yang kami merangkak melintasi mobil. Ada begitu banyak bangunan indah di kota ini, tempat-tempat untuk mati, dan berulang -ulang lagi saya tidak dapat membantu tapi bertanya-tanya siapa yang mampu untuk tinggal di sini. Saya pernah bertemu sopir Uber yang digunakan untuk mengemudi truk di seluruh negeri, yang dibesarkan di kota. Katanya kembali kemudian, San Francisco itu penuh dengan anak-anak. Sekarang, Anda jarang melihat mereka. Kadang-kadang aku bertanya-tanya jika itu akan lebih baik untuk Ava. dan bagi saya, untuk pindah ke sebuah kota kecil di mana ia dapat memiliki hidup yang berbeda. Kemudian saya berpikir tentang impian saya untuk masa depan saya, saya karir dan bertanya-tanya jika tidak apa-apa bagi saya untuk menyerah pada mereka. Aku tahu hal ini egois saya tidak perlu, tapi aku masih tidak cukup melepaskan.“Nothing in life is cheap,” Bram says but I barely hear him. I have to bring myself back into the moment and stop my head and my worries from running away on me. I came out tonight to put those on the backburner. God knows I’ll have more than enough time to worry after this.“Am I boring you?” he asks and I turn my head to look at him.“No. Sorry, I was just thinking.”“About what?”My brows lift up. “I don’t think we’re at that ‘let’s tell each other what we’re thinking’ stage.”“Not yet.”Not ever, I think. But I don’t want to answer any more questions about myself, so I ask him to tell me more about the apartment and I force myself to listen. The more he talks about it, though, the more I see this is something he’s actually stressing a bit over. I mean, it’s hard to tell if Bram is stressed or not because he always has that charmer expression on his face like he’s always trying to get in someone’s pants, male or female. But there’s a harder glint to his eyes when he talks about the rent of the building and how much he has to charge in order to make his mortgage.“So why did you buy it?” I ask.He shrugs. “I needed to do something.”"Yah, aku tidak akan khawatir tentang hal itu," Aku katakan padanya. "Sewa fenomenal di kota bahkan di SOMA. Semua orang diperkirakan akan tempat berikutnya untuk menjadi itu tempat. Neraka, aku yakin Tenderloin akan mengubah bahwa cara segera juga. Tergantung dengan pecandu crack akan menjadi yang keren untuk dilakukan dan hipsters akan mengambil alih sudut-sudut jalan. Dan sewa akan naik sekali lagi. Dia menembak saya sekilas pada kekerasan yang merangkak naik dalam suara saya. Saya mencoba untuk suara breezier. "Pokoknya, saya yakin Anda membeli pada waktu yang tepat.""Mungkin," katanya, menjalankan jari-jarinya panjang atas jerami gelap nya. Dia punya dagu yang sangat jantan tampak, tapi aku cepat menegur diri untuk memperhatikan. "Tapi ketika saya membeli tempat, saya berharap untuk... baik, tidak masalah apakah itu? Apa yang dilakukan dilakukan."