Chapter 1Kyun dil ki raha pe majbur

Chapter 1
Kyun dil ki raha pe majbur hogaye hum, itne hue kareeb ki door hogaye hum.- Honge Juda Na Hum Sony

It had been 10 days of hell for Jalal. First the loss of his precious child, then to be told that Ruqaiyya's miscarriage had been a conspiracy, and as if that wasn't enough, that his other Begum Jodha had been responsible. There was only so much a man could take. If the murder of his child had devastated him, Jodha's betrayal had shattered him beyond repair.

'Remembering her betrayal is easy, I do it everyday, because there's an ache within my heart that never goes away..'

He had wondered for a fleeting moment why he had felt this way. When it didn't feel like his whole body was on fire from the rage he was feeling, his deep-seeded heart wondered why did it skip a beat as if it were pierced everytime it remembered Jodha's betrayal? If it were anyone else, this matter would have long been over, but now, for Jalal, despite the fact that he felt that he had caught the culprit, peace still seemed to evade him. He felt like a living corpse, his grief rendering him in such a state that he didn't even know whether he was alive or dead, whether he was going through the motions of his daily routines as the shehensha out of instinct or whether he had been lifted into another fleeting, dream-like existence where he was beyond the reach of anyone he held dear. He sometimes felt like a piece of meat over a spit fire, burning and engulfed in flames of white hot anger, like his very blood was ablaze, carrying this poison to every part of his body, yet he never could explain to anyone what pain he was experiencing. He envied the women in the harem, they could cry, scream, vent and release their grief... But him... He had no right to cry, no support through which he could draw strength.

'Jalal aap shehensha hain. Aur shehensha ko rone ka haq nahin hain' His Badi Ammi had told him. She had meant it to quieten him in his moment of grief, but a reminder of the fact that he had no right grieve only served to leaden his heart even more.

He dreamt that he stood at the edge of a great abyss, with no one to pull him back, at one point the dream was so real as he drifted between consciousness and unconsciousness, neither fully awake or deeply asleep, and he found himself at the edge of his balcony. He wondered how easy it would be to tip over the edge and end it all, but as the scion of the Mughal Dynasty he knew that he didn't even have the fortune of being the owner of his own life. His life was not his to live and take as he wished. His life belonged to his subjects, and if he were to take it, it would be the end of his kingdom.

He wept silently at night, for his unborn child, for his unexplainable emotional distress but mostly, for the complete and utter loneliness that he felt in his chest, the very emptiness where his heart should be. It was an emptiness he had hoped his child could fill, a light in the darkness of his existence that not even his mother, his Badi Ammi nor even Ruqaiyya could fill. Now he had nothing, and he would make sure that those who he held responsible would pay the ultimate price, starting with Jodha Begum.

It was the ironic dilemma of one of the most powerful yet one of the most helpless men in the world. It has been said that 'No one can destroy iron more than its own rust can... Likewise, no one can destroy a person more than his own mind can... 'By the tenth day, he was no closer to solving his internal conflict nor was he any closer to finding any other clue that could prove Jodha and her family innocent.

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

Bab 1Kyun dil ki raha pe majbur hogaye hum, itne hue kareeb ki pintu hogaye hum.-Honge Juda Na Hum SonySudah 10 hari neraka untuk Jalal. Pertama hilangnya berharga anaknya, maka harus diberitahu bahwa Ruqaiyya keguguran telah konspirasi, dan seolah-olah itu tidak cukup, bahwa nya Begum Jodha lainnya telah bertanggung jawab. Ada hanya begitu banyak orang bisa mengambil. Jika pembunuhan anak-Nya telah hancur nya, Jodha's pengkhianatan telah hancur nya bisa diperbaiki.'Mengingat pengkhianatan nya mudah, saya melakukannya setiap hari, karena ada sakit hati saya yang tidak pernah hilang...'Dia bertanya-tanya untuk waktu yang singkat mengapa ia merasa cara ini. Ketika itu tidak merasa seperti seluruh tubuhnya sedang terbakar dari kemarahan ia merasa, hatinya unggulan dalam bertanya-tanya mengapa Apakah itu berdetak seolah-olah setiap kali menembus itu diingat pengkhianatan Jodha's? Jika orang lain, hal ini akan sudah lama atas, tapi sekarang, untuk Jalal, meskipun fakta bahwa ia merasa bahwa ia telah menangkap pelakunya, perdamaian masih tampak untuk menghindari kepadanya. Dia merasa seperti mayat hidup, kesedihannya render dia dalam keadaan seperti itu bahwa dia bahkan tidak tahu apakah ia adalah hidup atau mati, apakah ia akan melalui gerakan nya rutinitas sehari-hari sebagai shehensha dari naluri, atau apakah dia telah diangkat ke lain sekilas, keberadaan mimpi-seperti mana ia berada di luar jangkauan orang dia yang diselenggarakan sayang. Dia kadang-kadang merasa seperti sepotong daging atas sebuah meludah membakar api dan terbakar dalam api itu kemarahan panas putih, seperti darahnya sangat itu terbakar, membawa racun ini untuk setiap bagian dari tubuhnya, namun ia tidak pernah bisa menjelaskan kepada siapapun apa sakit ia mengalami. Dia iri perempuan selir, mereka bisa menangis, menjerit, ventilasi dan melepaskan kesedihan mereka... Tetapi dia... Ia tidak berhak untuk menangis, tidak ada dukungan yang melaluinya Dia bisa menarik kekuatan.' Jalal aap shehensha hain. Aur shehensha ko rone ka haq nahin hain' nya Badi Ammi kepadanya. Dia telah dimaksudkan untuk menenangkan dia di saat kesedihan, tetapi pengingat dari kenyataan bahwa ia tidak berhak berduka hanya melayani untuk kelam hatinya bahkan lebih.Ia bermimpi bahwa ia berdiri di tepi jurang yang besar, dengan tidak ada yang menarik dia kembali, pada satu titik mimpi itu begitu nyata seperti ia hanyut antara kesadaran dan ketidaksadaran, tidak benar-benar terjaga atau sangat tertidur, dan ia menemukan dirinya di tepi balkon. Dia bertanya-tanya betapa mudahnya akan ujung atas tepi dan akhir semua itu, tapi sebagai entris dari Dinasti Mughal dia tahu bahwa dia bahkan tidak punya keberuntungan menjadi pemilik dari hidupnya sendiri. Hidup ini bukan darinya untuk hidup dan seperti dia berharap. Hidupnya milik rakyatnya, dan jika ia mengambil itu, ini akan menjadi akhir kerajaan-nya.Dia menangis diam-diam pada malam hari, anaknya yang belum lahir, untuk kesedihan emosional yang dijelaskan tapi sebagian besar, untuk lengkap dan mengucapkan kesepian bahwa ia merasa di dadanya, kekosongan sangat mana hatinya harus. Itu ia menginginkan anaknya bisa mengisi, cahaya dalam kegelapan mengenai keberadaan-nya yang bahkan tidak ibunya, nya Badi Ammi atau bahkan Ruqaiyya bisa mengisi kekosongan. Sekarang ia tidak ada, dan dia akan memastikan bahwa orang-orang yang dia bertanggung jawab akan membayar harga tertinggi, dimulai dengan Jodha Begum.Ini adalah dilema ironis salah satu yang paling kuat namun salah satu orang paling berdaya di dunia. Telah dikatakan bahwa ' tidak ada yang dapat menghancurkan besi lebih dari karat sendiri dapat... Demikian juga, tidak ada yang dapat menghancurkan orang lebih dari pikirannya sendiri dapat... ' Oleh hari kesepuluh, ia tidak lebih dekat kepada pemecahan konflik internal nya atau apakah dia lebih dekat untuk mencari petunjuk lain yang bisa membuktikan Jodha dan keluarganya tidak bersalah.