I slip back into the theater and pl

I slip back into the theater and plop down next to Eric, whose head is on Jude’s shoulder. Jude’s arm is around the back of the seat. I tug gently on his dangling fingers and he glances over at me and raises his eyebrow before turning his attention back to the screen.
I spend the rest of the movie thinking about what just happened with Caleb. My face is still hot with embarrassment. I had been so sure he was going to kiss me. It happened so fast. One minute, we were talking about painting, and the next, he was right there, close enough for me to see the tiny spot on his jaw where he nicked himself shaving, close enough for me to see his pulse beating in the hollow of his throat.
Part of me wanted to crawl into his lap and put my mouth on his. Caleb is undeniably hot, but there’s also something about him that’s vulnerable. It’s like that part of him was calling out to me, begging me to look. Begging me to touch. Like his paintings.
Another part of me wanted to run. Alone, in a park, with a man I don’t know very well. The first time I’ve been that close to a guy in months. Not since Alex, in January, not since that night when everything exploded after weeks of agonizing simmering.
Then Caleb touched me, and it was so gentle that it melted me. His fingers smelled of turpentine and soap—he’d been painting this afternoon, maybe this evening. His skin was warm and rough and my body responded instantly. Just like that, my fears winked out and disappeared, replaced by a restless hunger. We’d been talking about sensation, about how people lose the ability to embrace something for the sheer joy of it without thinking it to death, and that’s what I wanted.
I have a right to this, I’d thought to myself. It’s time for me to experience something for my own pleasure and for no other reason. And as soon as Caleb’s fingertips slid over my skin, I knew he could give that to me.
But it was over so quickly. He jumped up, looking totally spooked, and I realized I’d been leaning forward, practically asking him to kiss me. No wonder he wanted to escape. He has women throwing themselves at him all the time, and I proved myself to be one of them. I had the opportunity to be a friend, and instead I acted like all those prowling women at the front of the class.
It won’t happen again. I can’t believe I did that to him. Maybe I should do us both a favor and drop the class. Except … Dr. Greer might not be happy if I do that. He might think I’m withdrawing from the world again. I’m stuck.
Eric nudges me. “Ready? Or did you want to sit through the credits?” On his other side, Jude is standing up, putting on his jacket. Eric turns to him, and Jude pushes his boyfriend’s glasses higher on the bridge of his nose and gives him a quick kiss.
I get to my feet. “Definitely ready to go.”
We scoot out of there and I climb into the back seat of Eric’s tiny hybrid. “I’m starving,” Jude says. “Can we make a run to Sammy’s?”
“What, my risotto didn’t fill you up?” Eric asks.
Jude tousles Eric’s light brown hair, which is shot through with gray. He’s not even thirty, but it gives him a serious, grown-up kind of appearance that must work in his favor when he’s facing down other lawyers in the courtroom. “I’ve got the appetite of a lumberjack,” Jude says to him. “Plus, Romy needs the nourishment. She’s wasting away.”
Jude glances back at me and I roll my eyes. Sammy’s is open all night and is a prime place for drunken frat boys to hang out, but the omelets are actually really good. “I’m game,” I say.
Eric pulls away from the curb. “There’s our fun-loving Romy. I was afraid you’d gone away.” He says it lightly, but he reaches back and gives my hand a quick squeeze. It’s both awesome and painful, a reminder of how different I was when I moved here and started this graduate program. I was so confident, ready to be an adult, eager to have a career and make my own money instead of living off my parents. When I met Alex a few weeks into the semester—so handsome and smart, a law student who seemed determined to sweep me off my feet—I felt it all falling into place. And a few months later, it was all falling apart, and Eric and Jude were the ones who helped glue me back together.
“Eh. Let’s scale it back to fun-liking Romy,” I tease. “I’m not sure I’m ready to commit.”
“You don’t have to commit to anything, babe. But fun is something you definitely need. Jude was telling me about this avoidance cycle thing the other day. How, if you’re scared of something and you stay away from it, that thing only gets scarier over time? If you want to treat a phobia, you have to expose yourself to what you’re scared of. Did I get that right?”
Jude puts his hand on Eric’s thigh, and I can’t tell if it’s purely affectionate or if he’s giving him a little squeeze that means shut up, honey.
“I don’t have a fun phobia, Eric.”
He shrugs. “Speaking of going away, though, where did you run off to during the movie?”
The heat of embarrassment creeps up my neck. “I went for a walk.”