I wake to the sound of breathing, b

I wake to the sound of breathing, but not my own. Blinking as the rays of the sun pierce my curtains, I look toward the noise.
Caleb is crumpled next to my bed, his long legs bent, his head propped against the edge of my bedside table, still wearing his clothes from yesterday. It looks horrifically uncomfortable, but he’s deeply asleep.
I stare at his face. He’s here. Last night, this was all I wanted. When Alex had been rattling my door handle, demanding I open up and talk to him, when his fists started slamming against the glass right in front of my face, it felt like every one of those blows hit me square in the chest. But I managed to hold it together—I was calm as I told the police officers who he was and pulled out the personal protection order. Alex insisted I had invited him there to talk, but no one listened to a word he said. They put him in cuffs and tucked him into the cruiser and carried him to jail.
As soon as he was gone, though, I felt like I was disintegrating. The co-op was only a few blocks away, and I headed straight for it, praying Caleb would be there. I was so relieved when I saw his truck out front, and when I found him inside, washing his brushes, it was like coming home. Need and safety and longing all rolled together. I could barely speak. All I could do was cling to him.
I’m not the only one who needs him, though. I’m not even the one who needs him the most. And if he’s here in my room, it means that Catherine’s probably in the hospital.
Otherwise, he’d be with her.
As silently as I can, I slide off the end of my bed and tiptoe for the door. Jude is making coffee in my kitchen. He looks up and smiles. “How are you?”
“I’m okay,” I say, my voice creaky with sleep and all the tears I shed yesterday.
“Eric went home to sleep so he could be fresh for today,” he says.
I accept a steaming mug from him. “Thanks for coming over last night. I’m sorry I was such a mess.”
“You had every right to be a mess. If you hadn’t been a mess, I’d be worried you were completely detached emotionally.”
I smile. “Such a therapist.”
“I think I’m getting the hang of it.” He pours coffee for himself. “So. You slipped past Caleb, I see.”
“He was out cold. When did he get here?”
Jude shrugs. “Late. Nearly midnight, I think.” He sips his coffee. “I might have said a few things to him.”
“Oh no. Jude …”
“I can’t help it, Romy! You deserve to have a guy who’ll be there for you!”
“It’s not his fault,” I say quietly. “It’s not like he’s off partying or playing video games.”
“Maybe not, but the fact that you chose not to tell him that you ran into Alex last week speaks volumes.”
I cradle my coffee mug against my chest, letting it warm me from the outside in. “You know why, though. I feel terrible making things worse for him. I want him to have what he needs, and I’ve been trying to give him that, but …” I slump. “When I’m not doing well, I can’t handle it. I can’t be as supportive as he deserves me to be, and I want more from him than he’s able to give. I know you and I aren’t supposed to talk about it, but … Catherine’s not doing well, Jude. Caleb’s constantly having to run to her, and yesterday was no different.”
Jude sighs. “I know.”
I nudge his hip with mine. “You do? You’re actually going to cut him some slack?”
He rolls his eyes. “Maybe a little. But only because he showed up last night.” His lips twitch. “And maybe also because he slept on your floor like an overgrown guard dog. I dig protective guys.”
I chuckle. Eric is exactly that kind of guy, so I know he’s speaking the truth. “Good.” I glance down the hall. “He probably had a terrible afternoon and night.” And I was out cold from the Xanax. “I wasn’t there for him, either.”
A wave of hopelessness crashes over me. This isn’t fair to Caleb. He spends the evening with his desperately mentally ill sister, and then comes over to sleep on the floor next to his traumatized girlfriend. When does he get to worry about himself?
“I don’t know what to do,” I say to Jude. “These problems aren’t going to magically disappear.”
“You could walk away,” Jude says casually.
“No, I don’t think I can.” My eyes blur with tears. “But I don’t think things can go on like this, either.”
Jude rubs my back. “One thing at a time, okay? You have to get through today, and then you can deal with the rest of it. Go take a shower. Eric’s coming to pick you up in less than an hour.”
Down the hall, my door squeaks open, and I hastily wipe at my face as Caleb comes down the hall, his long hair disheveled. His gray eyes search my expression as he draws near, watching me as if Jude weren’t even there. “They told me what happened,” he says to me.
His hands are at his sides, and I so badly want him to reach for me, but he doesn’t. And though I want to throw myself at him and force him to catch me, I won’t. I don’t want to make him feel bad for yesterday.
“I’m all right,” I say. “I wasn’t hurt. How’s Catherine?”
His jaw clenches. “In the hospital. And I have to go.

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

Aku bangun dengan suara pernapasan, tapi tidak saya sendiri. Berkedip seperti sinar matahari menembus tirai saya, saya melihat ke arah kebisingan.Kaleb kusut di samping tempat tidurku, kakinya yang panjang membungkuk, kepala tetap ditopang terhadap tepi meja samping tempat tidur saya, masih mengenakan pakaian dari kemarin. Kelihatannya mengerikan tidak nyaman, tapi dia sangat tertidur.Aku menatap wajahnya. Dia ada di sini. Tadi malam, inilah yang saya inginkan. Ketika Alex telah telah gemeretak pegangan pintu saya, menuntut saya membuka dan berbicara dengan dia, ketika genggamnya mulai membanting terhadap kaca tepat di depan wajahku, rasanya seperti setiap salah satu dari mereka pukulan memukul saya persegi di dada. Tapi aku berhasil untuk memegang bersama-aku tenang seperti yang saya bilang petugas kepolisian yang ia dan mengeluarkan perintah perlindungan pribadi. Alex bersikeras aku telah mengundang dia di sana untuk berbicara, tetapi tidak ada yang mendengarkan sepatah kata katanya. Mereka menempatkannya di borgol dan terselip kapal penjelajah dan membawanya ke penjara.Segera setelah dia sudah pergi, meskipun, aku merasa seperti aku adalah disintegrasi. Co-op adalah hanya beberapa blok jauhnya, dan saya menuju langsung untuk itu, berdoa Kaleb akan berada di sana. Saya merasa sangat lega ketika melihat truk nya di depan, dan ketika saya menemukan dia di dalam, cuci sikat nya, itu seperti pulang ke rumah. Kebutuhan dan keselamatan dan kerinduan semua digulung bersama-sama. Aku hampir tidak bisa bicara. Yang bisa saya lakukan adalah berpaut kepada-Nya.Saya tidak satu-satunya yang butuh dia, meskipun. Saya tidak bahkan orang yang butuh dia yang paling. Dan jika dia ada di sini di kamar saya, itu berarti bahwa Catherine itu mungkin di rumah sakit.Otherwise, he’d be with her.As silently as I can, I slide off the end of my bed and tiptoe for the door. Jude is making coffee in my kitchen. He looks up and smiles. “How are you?”“I’m okay,” I say, my voice creaky with sleep and all the tears I shed yesterday.“Eric went home to sleep so he could be fresh for today,” he says.I accept a steaming mug from him. “Thanks for coming over last night. I’m sorry I was such a mess.”“You had every right to be a mess. If you hadn’t been a mess, I’d be worried you were completely detached emotionally.”I smile. “Such a therapist.”“I think I’m getting the hang of it.” He pours coffee for himself. “So. You slipped past Caleb, I see.”“He was out cold. When did he get here?”Jude shrugs. “Late. Nearly midnight, I think.” He sips his coffee. “I might have said a few things to him.”“Oh no. Jude …”“I can’t help it, Romy! You deserve to have a guy who’ll be there for you!”“It’s not his fault,” I say quietly. “It’s not like he’s off partying or playing video games.”“Maybe not, but the fact that you chose not to tell him that you ran into Alex last week speaks volumes.”I cradle my coffee mug against my chest, letting it warm me from the outside in. “You know why, though. I feel terrible making things worse for him. I want him to have what he needs, and I’ve been trying to give him that, but …” I slump. “When I’m not doing well, I can’t handle it. I can’t be as supportive as he deserves me to be, and I want more from him than he’s able to give. I know you and I aren’t supposed to talk about it, but … Catherine’s not doing well, Jude. Caleb’s constantly having to run to her, and yesterday was no different.”Jude sighs. “I know.”I nudge his hip with mine. “You do? You’re actually going to cut him some slack?”He rolls his eyes. “Maybe a little. But only because he showed up last night.” His lips twitch. “And maybe also because he slept on your floor like an overgrown guard dog. I dig protective guys.”I chuckle. Eric is exactly that kind of guy, so I know he’s speaking the truth. “Good.” I glance down the hall. “He probably had a terrible afternoon and night.” And I was out cold from the Xanax. “I wasn’t there for him, either.”A wave of hopelessness crashes over me. This isn’t fair to Caleb. He spends the evening with his desperately mentally ill sister, and then comes over to sleep on the floor next to his traumatized girlfriend. When does he get to worry about himself?“I don’t know what to do,” I say to Jude. “These problems aren’t going to magically disappear.”“You could walk away,” Jude says casually.“No, I don’t think I can.” My eyes blur with tears. “But I don’t think things can go on like this, either.”Jude rubs my back. “One thing at a time, okay? You have to get through today, and then you can deal with the rest of it. Go take a shower. Eric’s coming to pick you up in less than an hour.”Down the hall, my door squeaks open, and I hastily wipe at my face as Caleb comes down the hall, his long hair disheveled. His gray eyes search my expression as he draws near, watching me as if Jude weren’t even there. “They told me what happened,” he says to me.His hands are at his sides, and I so badly want him to reach for me, but he doesn’t. And though I want to throw myself at him and force him to catch me, I won’t. I don’t want to make him feel bad for yesterday.“I’m all right,” I say. “I wasn’t hurt. How’s Catherine?”His jaw clenches. “In the hospital. And I have to go.