He stiffens. “That’s not the impres

He stiffens. “That’s not the impression I got last night. You said—”
“I know what I said. But last night was the reason why you should walk away, Daniel.” I turn, and his hands move to my waist. “You saw what it’s like for me.” My throat is so tight, thinking of how he found me on that bathroom floor. He practically ripped the door off its hinges to get to me. That’s how badly I scared him. “You’d resent me. It wouldn’t even take that long.”
“Sometimes,” he says, his voice hard, “you seem to know me so well. Better than anyone. And sometimes, it’s like you’re completely blind.”
I can’t look at him, so I stare at the hollow of his throat, at his pulse ticking beneath his skin. “What do you want, Daniel?”
“I want you to join me out in the world, because I’d like it better if you were with me.”
“I can’t—”
“You can try. I’ll help you.”
“Are you insane?” I push on his chest, and he lets me go. “I completely humiliated myself last night. I wanted to die, just so it would stop. And you, what? You think I should simply get over it and go out on a date with you?”
He shakes his head. “I know it’s not that easy. But you don’t have to stay like this. I’ve been talking to—”
I put up my hands. “Stop. You talked to my mom about this? Because you sound just like her.” His mouth snaps shut. “Did she pay you for this, too?” I squeak. “Is that what this is?”
He stares at me for a moment, his blue eyes like chips of ice. “You really believe that’s how I’d do this? After everything we’ve gone through, you think I’m here because your mom paid me.”
I scoot away from him, all my bitterness leaking out. “Isn’t that the reason you do things, Daniel? I saw you last night, in your element. You looked pretty comfortable.”
He takes a step toward me. “You’re lashing out because you’re scared, Stella. You can’t fool me.”
I backtrack, nearly toppling over a chair near the table. “I don’t need to fool you. We can be honest with each other, right? I went last night to tell you all about how I feel. But you know what I’ve realized? It doesn’t matter. Because I am how I am, and that alone should be enough to send you running in the other direction.”
His eyes flash. “And do you see me running? Did you see me running last night, right toward you? Did you see me tanking my prospects by acting like a drunken shithead, just to make things easier for you?”
I cover my face with my hands. “Yes, I saw it all, Daniel, and I’m so grateful, and it felt wonderful that you cared enough to do that. But it won’t last, because you’ll get sick of it. And I would get sick of it, too. I don’t want you to rescue me! It makes me feel pathetic.”
“You’re not pathetic,” he growls. “And stop telling me how I would feel.”
“It took my roommate at Wellesley three months to decide she’d had enough,” I say quietly. “She was sympathetic at first, too, but I wore her down. Now she wants nothing to do with me. I left school two months ago, and no one has written or called. Because I wore them down, too.” I turn away and lean on the table, my fingers spread pale over the dark wood. “I wear everyone down. And I don’t think I could bear it if I did that to you.”
“So you’re not even willing to try?” He sounds like I’ve kicked him in the stomach, and I look over my shoulder to see his expression twisted with anger and pain. “I’m not worth a chance, Stella?”
“What? That’s not what I’m saying at all.”
“Then what are you saying?” he asks quietly. “Because it sounds like you’re not going to give me a chance, because you’ve already decided how this ends. It sounds like you’re saying I’m not worth the risk.”
“I’m saying I’m not worth it!” I shout.
He reaches me in two strides and takes my face in his hands. “You have no idea what you’re worth to me.” His lips collide with mine as he wraps a steely arm around my waist, crushing me against him. His taste, the rough feel of him, the way his tongue plunges into my mouth, it melts me in an instant, shatters my misery for one brief moment, makes me forget where I am and why I would ever push him away. It’s so fierce that there’s no way around it, no way to defeat it, no way to hold it back. He fists his hand in the hair at the back of my neck, and I couldn’t escape this kiss if I wanted to. It goes on and on, until my fingers are clawed against his back, until my tongue thrusts into his mouth, until he’s hard against me and all I want is to pull our clothes off so there’s nothing between us.
My world is spinning when he breaks our kiss and presses his forehead to mine. “This is up to you,” he says between breaths, his eyes closed. “I can’t make you want me, and I can’t make you want to get better. But if you did want those things, I’m here. It has to be both, though.”
I look up at him. “What do you mean?”
He lets me go and steps back. “You’re too good to let this beat you, Stella. And I can’t sit by and watch your world get smaller. I care about you too much.”
I wipe my bruised lips with the back of my hand, confusion tossing all of my thoughts, sending them bouncing around my brain. “So we’re back to ‘just get over it’? I thought we’d already established that I can’t!”
“That’s not what I’m saying—”
“God! Why, Daniel? Why did you kiss me? Are you trying to make this harder? I went out last night for you, yes, but you saw what happened. And now you’re saying I can’t be with you unless I get over this.” My arms flap uselessly at my sides, frustration roaring through me. “Leave, then. Because I can’t get over it. Don’t you think I would have, if I could?”
“That’s exactly what he thinks,” says a voice from the hallway. Romy walks into the room, looking back and forth between me and Daniel. He gives her a nervous glance as she sits on the arm of the chaise. “He knows you’re already doing everything you know to do.”
I let out a breath. “Then why didn’t you say that?” I ask him.
His lip curls with exasperation. “I was trying, but you were too busy busting my balls to listen.”
“Did you know there are treatments for what you have?” asks Romy. “Really good ones.”
“I’m not going to take drugs.” I say this to Daniel, because surely he’s seen the pharmacy inside my mom’s medicine cabinet? “I don’t even want to start down that road. My mom offered to take me to her psychiatrist, but—”
“Drugs sometimes keep this particular therapy from working as well.” Romy is so matter-of-fact, just like she was last night. It’s both reassuring and intimidating. “They might help you feel better in the moment, but they can keep you from doing what you need to do.”
“And what do I need to do?” I can’t help the edge in my voice. I’m so tired of people telling me how to get better.
Romy tilts her head. “I think that’s a discussion best had with a therapist. But I will tell you this, Stella. Two to three months. You could be better. No drugs if you don’t want them.”
I squint at her. “How do you know?”
She shrugs. “I have some really good professors, and a really good therapist.”
Hope sparks inside me. “You—you have this, too? You get panic attacks?”
“No, but I’ve had other issues.” She gets up and walks toward me, past Daniel, who moves aside for her. “And I know I’m worth helping.” She touches my arm. “I don’t know you, Stella. I don’t know what you think of yourself, or how brave or cowardly you think you are. But I know Daniel, and I know you’re special to him. So I think you’re worth helping. You have to want it, though, because it takes work.”
“Of course I want it,” I whisper. “I’d change if I could. But I can’t.”
“I’m not going to argue with you,” she says gently. “I know you’re saying that because you’ve tried really hard, and you’ve felt defeated every time, and that’s exhausting.”
Tears start in my eyes before I can stop them. “That’s exactly what it is. I’m so tired.”
Her fingers tighten on my arm. “I know. And it’s not fair. You shouldn’t have to suffer like this. I saw how much it hurt you last night. I saw how much you wanted it to be different.”
“I just wanted to be there like a normal person,” I rasp, sniffling. “I just wanted to …” I glance at Daniel and look away quickly.
“I know you did. You should get to have that. And you can, Stella. If you do this kind of therapy, if you really do it, it will help. You’ll be able to do the things you want, and you’ll be in control of it.”
“How can you say that?”
She smiles. “I’d be a pretty lousy therapist if I didn’t believe therapy helped.” She squeezes my arm and leans in, getting on her tiptoes. “And it would be worth it,” she whispers, very quietly. “Daniel is worth it.”
“I know,” I say automatically. That isn’t a question. It hasn’t been for a while. But is she right? Two or three months? That’s all it takes? It sounds way too easy, like a trick.
My mom’s high, ringing laughter floats through the house, coming from the library. Romy looks toward the hallway. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I need to save my boyfriend from your mom.”
I snort. “No, I think that’s a good idea.”
She pulls a card from her pocket and hands it to me. “That’s my therapist. Her name is Heather. She’s really nice.” She turns on her heel and walks out of the room.

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

Dia tegang. "Itu tidak kesan saya tadi malam. Anda berkata — ""Aku tahu apa yang saya katakan. "Tapi tadi malam adalah alasan mengapa Anda harus berjalan pergi, Daniel." Aku berbalik, dan tangannya pindah ke pinggang. "Anda melihat bagaimana rasanya berada untuk saya." Tenggorokan saya begitu ketat, memikirkan bagaimana dia menemukan saya di lantai kamar mandi itu. Ia praktis robek pintu off dengan engsel untuk mendapatkan saya. Itu adalah seberapa buruk aku takut kepadanya. "Anda akan membenci saya. Itu tidak bahkan selama itu.""Kadang-kadang," katanya, suaranya keras, "Anda tampaknya tahu saya dengan baik. Lebih baik daripada siapa pun. Dan kadang-kadang, itu adalah seperti Anda benar-benar buta."Saya tidak dapat melihat dia, jadi aku menatap genggamnya tenggorokan, di pulse nya berdetak di bawah kulit. "Apa yang Anda inginkan, Daniel?""Saya ingin Anda untuk bergabung dengan saya keluar di dunia, karena saya ingin lebih baik jika Anda dengan saya.""Aku tidak bisa —""Anda dapat mencoba. Saya akan membantu Anda.""Apakah Anda gila?" Saya mendorong di dadanya, dan ia membiarkan aku pergi. "Saya benar-benar mempermalukan diri tadi malam. Aku ingin mati, supaya itu akan berhenti. Dan Anda, apa? Anda pikir saya harus mendapatkan lebih dari itu dan pergi keluar berkencan dengan Anda?"Ia menjabat kepala. "Aku tahu tidak mudah. Tapi Anda tidak harus tetap seperti ini. Saya sudah bicara dengan — "Saya memasang tanganku. "Berhenti. Anda berbicara dengan ibuku tentang hal ini? Karena Anda terdengar seperti dia." Mulutnya bentak menutup. "Apakah dia membayar Anda untuk ini, terlalu?" Saya mencicit. "Apakah itu apa ini adalah?"He stares at me for a moment, his blue eyes like chips of ice. “You really believe that’s how I’d do this? After everything we’ve gone through, you think I’m here because your mom paid me.”I scoot away from him, all my bitterness leaking out. “Isn’t that the reason you do things, Daniel? I saw you last night, in your element. You looked pretty comfortable.”He takes a step toward me. “You’re lashing out because you’re scared, Stella. You can’t fool me.”I backtrack, nearly toppling over a chair near the table. “I don’t need to fool you. We can be honest with each other, right? I went last night to tell you all about how I feel. But you know what I’ve realized? It doesn’t matter. Because I am how I am, and that alone should be enough to send you running in the other direction.”His eyes flash. “And do you see me running? Did you see me running last night, right toward you? Did you see me tanking my prospects by acting like a drunken shithead, just to make things easier for you?”I cover my face with my hands. “Yes, I saw it all, Daniel, and I’m so grateful, and it felt wonderful that you cared enough to do that. But it won’t last, because you’ll get sick of it. And I would get sick of it, too. I don’t want you to rescue me! It makes me feel pathetic.”“You’re not pathetic,” he growls. “And stop telling me how I would feel.”“It took my roommate at Wellesley three months to decide she’d had enough,” I say quietly. “She was sympathetic at first, too, but I wore her down. Now she wants nothing to do with me. I left school two months ago, and no one has written or called. Because I wore them down, too.” I turn away and lean on the table, my fingers spread pale over the dark wood. “I wear everyone down. And I don’t think I could bear it if I did that to you.”“So you’re not even willing to try?” He sounds like I’ve kicked him in the stomach, and I look over my shoulder to see his expression twisted with anger and pain. “I’m not worth a chance, Stella?”“What? That’s not what I’m saying at all.”“Then what are you saying?” he asks quietly. “Because it sounds like you’re not going to give me a chance, because you’ve already decided how this ends. It sounds like you’re saying I’m not worth the risk.”“I’m saying I’m not worth it!” I shout.He reaches me in two strides and takes my face in his hands. “You have no idea what you’re worth to me.” His lips collide with mine as he wraps a steely arm around my waist, crushing me against him. His taste, the rough feel of him, the way his tongue plunges into my mouth, it melts me in an instant, shatters my misery for one brief moment, makes me forget where I am and why I would ever push him away. It’s so fierce that there’s no way around it, no way to defeat it, no way to hold it back. He fists his hand in the hair at the back of my neck, and I couldn’t escape this kiss if I wanted to. It goes on and on, until my fingers are clawed against his back, until my tongue thrusts into his mouth, until he’s hard against me and all I want is to pull our clothes off so there’s nothing between us.My world is spinning when he breaks our kiss and presses his forehead to mine. “This is up to you,” he says between breaths, his eyes closed. “I can’t make you want me, and I can’t make you want to get better. But if you did want those things, I’m here. It has to be both, though.”I look up at him. “What do you mean?”He lets me go and steps back. “You’re too good to let this beat you, Stella. And I can’t sit by and watch your world get smaller. I care about you too much.”I wipe my bruised lips with the back of my hand, confusion tossing all of my thoughts, sending them bouncing around my brain. “So we’re back to ‘just get over it’? I thought we’d already established that I can’t!”“That’s not what I’m saying—”“God! Why, Daniel? Why did you kiss me? Are you trying to make this harder? I went out last night for you, yes, but you saw what happened. And now you’re saying I can’t be with you unless I get over this.” My arms flap uselessly at my sides, frustration roaring through me. “Leave, then. Because I can’t get over it. Don’t you think I would have, if I could?”“That’s exactly what he thinks,” says a voice from the hallway. Romy walks into the room, looking back and forth between me and Daniel. He gives her a nervous glance as she sits on the arm of the chaise. “He knows you’re already doing everything you know to do.”I let out a breath. “Then why didn’t you say that?” I ask him.His lip curls with exasperation. “I was trying, but you were too busy busting my balls to listen.”“Did you know there are treatments for what you have?” asks Romy. “Really good ones.”“I’m not going to take drugs.” I say this to Daniel, because surely he’s seen the pharmacy inside my mom’s medicine cabinet? “I don’t even want to start down that road. My mom offered to take me to her psychiatrist, but—”“Drugs sometimes keep this particular therapy from working as well.” Romy is so matter-of-fact, just like she was last night. It’s both reassuring and intimidating. “They might help you feel better in the moment, but they can keep you from doing what you need to do.”“And what do I need to do?” I can’t help the edge in my voice. I’m so tired of people telling me how to get better.Romy tilts her head. “I think that’s a discussion best had with a therapist. But I will tell you this, Stella. Two to three months. You could be better. No drugs if you don’t want them.”I squint at her. “How do you know?”She shrugs. “I have some really good professors, and a really good therapist.”Hope sparks inside me. “You—you have this, too? You get panic attacks?”“No, but I’ve had other issues.” She gets up and walks toward me, past Daniel, who moves aside for her. “And I know I’m worth helping.” She touches my arm. “I don’t know you, Stella. I don’t know what you think of yourself, or how brave or cowardly you think you are. But I know Daniel, and I know you’re special to him. So I think you’re worth helping. You have to want it, though, because it takes work.”“Of course I want it,” I whisper. “I’d change if I could. But I can’t.”“I’m not going to argue with you,” she says gently. “I know you’re saying that because you’ve tried really hard, and you’ve felt defeated every time, and that’s exhausting.”Tears start in my eyes before I can stop them. “That’s exactly what it is. I’m so tired.”Her fingers tighten on my arm. “I know. And it’s not fair. You shouldn’t have to suffer like this. I saw how much it hurt you last night. I saw how much you wanted it to be different.”“I just wanted to be there like a normal person,” I rasp, sniffling. “I just wanted to …” I glance at Daniel and look away quickly.
“I know you did. You should get to have that. And you can, Stella. If you do this kind of therapy, if you really do it, it will help. You’ll be able to do the things you want, and you’ll be in control of it.”
“How can you say that?”
She smiles. “I’d be a pretty lousy therapist if I didn’t believe therapy helped.” She squeezes my arm and leans in, getting on her tiptoes. “And it would be worth it,” she whispers, very quietly. “Daniel is worth it.”
“I know,” I say automatically. That isn’t a question. It hasn’t been for a while. But is she right? Two or three months? That’s all it takes? It sounds way too easy, like a trick.
My mom’s high, ringing laughter floats through the house, coming from the library. Romy looks toward the hallway. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I need to save my boyfriend from your mom.”
I snort. “No, I think that’s a good idea.”
She pulls a card from her pocket and hands it to me. “That’s my therapist. Her name is Heather. She’s really nice.” She turns on her heel and walks out of the room.