hapter 30:Jalal's state of mindWhy

hapter 30:

Jalal's state of mind

Why did I get so upset with Jodha? Don't I sometimes doubt Badi Ammi?

Then, Why am I disappointed, when Jodha questioned about her... She has a valid reason to doubt Badi Ammi, In both cases she was right... I also suspected Badi Ammi, not once but many times in the past but never found any evidence or proof against her... and Yes, I also had strong doubts on badi ammi both the times... I have tried to find who conspired against Jodha...Who wrote that letter to Sujamal...??? In that case my first doubt was Badi Ammi... She is the one who receives all the messages first but letter handwriting didn't match with badi ammi's ... Someone else wrote that letter... All of a sudden, all of the gate men disappeared then died before anyone could get to them... Whoever did this conspiracy, cleaned all the evidence very cleverly... In the middle of the night Badi ammi came to inform me about Jodha leaving palace... and the way she poisoned my mind against Jodha... I have not forgotten that Jodha begum... but I can't blame her for such a big conspiracy without any strong evidence.

I have also inquired about the night when I passed out, I didn't wanted you to worry about it so I kept it to myself... I doubted first on Rukaiya begum because she was the one who challenged you, but few days later when I asked her about the night... I realized she was also shocked about me passing out suddenly.. then I discussed it with hakim, why suddenly I passed out... She smelled in my breath and told I was given some sleeping herb...Hakim also mentioned same type of herb use in when someone in extreme pain and Badi Ammi requested that medicine. I went straight to Badi Ammi and asked badi ammi, Why she needed that medicine... She took me to the jail and gave proof that she gave that medicine to an injured prisoner who was beaten ruthlessly by Adham. She again proved herself innocent and proved my doubt wrong but It's still hard to accept because she is not soft hearted at all for prisoners... She is really cruel towards criminals and prisoners.

My mind has doubted on her intentions many times... Because of her high ambitions for position and power, I know she has done some unforgivable crimes. I had strong suspicion on her when Khan baba got murdered... First she played with my mind politically and created huge rift between me and Behram Khan baba... I broke his heart and trust on me by pulling my sword against him. He instantly backed down and decided to walk out of my life even after I begged him not to leave me. She indirectly slowly poisoned my mind by pointing out he was the one who was ruling the entire sultanate and my young blood strived for freedom from him. The way I was played and manipulated, I didn't understood that time but I can clearly see what happened in the past. I even know there was a big conspiracy behind his death... but again no evidence... and I was so dominated by her love... To hide Adham's mistakes she has played many games with many lies... I have ignored all of them... My mind always warned me for her witty and sometimes evil intentions... Even today in Diwan E khaas... I saw her expression, she was upset and angry with the announcement... and when I met her today she completely changed her attitude... she can be a sweet & cruel person at the same time... I know very well, she hates hindu and specially Jodha...

Jodha Begum, I know you are not wrong but my heart doesn't like anyone else accusing Badi Ammi... Somewhere in my heart I believe that she will not betray my trust...and she will never hurt me. She can manipulate me to gain more power but I am sure, her heart beats for me...She loves me more than her own son, Her sacrifices for me are much more valuable in my life than these doubts. She will always stand by me whenever I will need her.

As always, he comforted his restless heart thinking that Badi Ammi loves him and will never betrayed him.

Jodha's Inner talk
Jodha was shocked with Jalal's behavior... She never thought Jalal compared Hamida begum with Maham... and He loved Maham more... She realized unknowingly, she has hurt him deeply... She accused the person who he respects the most... Is my thinking about Maham wrong... am I really wrong...? Why I always feel that she has evil intentions... Is it because she doesn't like me... Have I just built up wrong image of her in my mind... May be Shahenshah is right... I shouldn't have accused her so strongly without any solid proof...

Jalal's change of attitude towards Hamida & inner talk
While walking towards Diwan e Khaas Jalal saw Hamida banu sitting on the bench peacefully with closed eyes... Her face had immense calmness... Rays of the sun were making her face glorious... His feet stopped robotically seeing her resting, he was astonished ... Jalal had never seen his Ammi Jaan relaxing like this... He has always seen her running around to finish different tasks... her list of works were sometimes bigger than his work... She was not only active in political work but also helped Rukaiya in harem, Her top priority was social work, after Jalal took over... She was the first one who pointed out about how young girls under fourteen were forcefully getting married to the older men against their wish... She strongly stood in Diwan E Khaas to build a law against this brutality towards little girls. She never mentioned but herself got married in a very young age of twelve to a thirty two year man (Humayun)... She never showed her loneliness and pain to anyone.

Jalal never appreciated directly for her hard work but he always knew she has devoted her life to this sultanate ... He knew, she always worked till late nights and woke up early in the morning... He never saw her doing anything for her own enjoyment... After seeing her resting in the afternoon, little surprising smile smeared his face ... He was standing there and gazing at his mother's divine face and probably admiring her for the first time...

While watching her, he got lost in deep thoughts, He realized how slowly everything has changed since Jodha came to his life... Suddenly his views have changed and now he can see everything so clearly...Hamida's unbreakable trust on Jodha was one of reason Jalal was feeling much more closer to her than ever before. Little by little he was getting detached from Maham, and coming closer to his Ammi Jaan. Realization came with a curbed desire... He thought... I always maintained distance from my ammi jaan but why today... something is pulling me towards her, I always felt Ammi Jaan doesn't love me and she ignored me...but I don't know when and why, I started comparing her with (maham)badi ammi ... Little by little I closed my heart with bitterness towards ammi jaan ... It always hurt me, she picked her duty first than her own children... but lately it feels what she did was right ... I always felt in the past that she was selfish but my vision has changed... now my heart understands her sacrifice... her love... The way I look at everything today is so different and clear... I can see, she is a selfless person... who has sacrificed her motherhood... took hatred from her kids for their betterment... I still remember her helpless vulnerable eyes... when she went out for weeks leaving us in the palace. She always juggled between her kids and her duty towards the sultanate... I have never given her the importance which she deserves...

Jalal reminisced her extremely worried and concerned face when he was injured...then he recalled her cheerful face with tears in DWK earlier today...How she had those grateful expressions when he made the announcement... He never saw this much content feeling on her face before... The way she was relaxing felt like she took withdrawal from her duty... Suddenly he had intense craving and desire for her motherly love ...Unexpectedly his curbed desire blossomed for motherly warmth...

Innocently... Magnetically... his heart moved towards her... He walked by the bench very slowly... He smiled contently seeing her deeply lost in peaceful sleep... He hesitantly sat in front of her with his knees bent down on the floor... It was impossible for him to suppress his strong desire, He gently kept his head on her lap like a little child and wrapped his hands on her legs...

Hamida with little shock opened her eyes... and with a pleasant glee, she saw her son resting on her lap... Seeing this unforeseen, Astonishing moment, her heart started to beat profoundly fast... At the same time she held her breath to comprehend what was happening... It was an unexpected shock for her, blissful tears dribbled down from her cheeks... She couldn't understand how to react to this... how to act... She was feeling overwhelmed with his warmth..

Slowly, she kept her hand on his head and started to caress on his hair for a minute... she was longing for this moment for ages... her unsatisfied dried motherhood feelings awoke after ages with hopes... She had never anticipated receiving this love from her son ... She never thought, not even in her dream that he will come back to her one day like this... She knew that he had started to respect her but she had no hope for love from him... She slowly lifted his face to see in his eyes... Both of them looked at each other with deep love... she saw her lost ten year old son in his innocent eyes... who was longing for her mother for years... his look gave a pinch in her heart... Her lonely life suddenly bloomed with love... She was much more lonelier than Jalal... She lost her husband years ago and responsibility took her kids away from her... But She had accepted this was her destiny...

Finally Jalal broke their silence and with his thick emotional tone he asked "Ammi Jaan, Are you alright?

Hamida responded in sentimental emotional tone "I don't know... I am overwhelmed with joy...Feels like soon I am going to wake up and come out this dream and I will be left with lonely hands... It i

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

hapter 30:Jalal's keadaan pikiranMengapa Apakah aku get sangat marah dengan Jodha? Tidak saya kadang-kadang meragukan Badi Ammi?Kemudian, mengapa saya kecewa, ketika Jodha ditanya tentang dia... Dia memiliki alasan yang sah untuk meragukan Badi Ammi, dalam kedua kasus ia benar... Saya juga dicurigai Badi Ammi, bukan sekali tetapi berkali-kali di masa lalu tetapi tidak pernah menemukan apapun bukti atau bukti terhadap dia... dan ya, saya juga punya keraguan yang kuat pada badi ammi kedua kali... Saya telah mencoba untuk menemukan yang mengadakan persepakatan melawan Jodha...Yang menulis surat kepada Sujamal...??? Dalam hal keraguan saya pertama adalah Badi Ammi... Dia adalah orang yang menerima semua pesan pertama tapi surat tulisan tangan tidak cocok dengan badi ammi... Seseorang menulis surat itu... Tiba, semua orang gerbang menghilang kemudian meninggal sebelum siapa pun bisa mendapatkan mereka... Siapapun yang melakukan konspirasi ini, dibersihkan semua bukti sangat cerdik... Di tengah malam Badi ammi datang untuk memberitahu saya tentang Jodha meninggalkan istana... dan cara dia keracunan pikiran saya terhadap Jodha... Saya tidak lupa bahwa Jodha begum... tapi aku tidak bisa menyalahkan dia untuk sebuah konspirasi besar tanpa bukti kuat.Saya juga telah bertanya tentang malam ketika aku pingsan, saya tidak ingin Anda khawatir tentang hal itu jadi aku terus untuk diriku sendiri... Saya meragukan pertama pada Rukaiya begum karena ia adalah orang yang menantang Anda, tetapi beberapa hari kemudian, ketika aku bertanya kepadanya tentang malam... Saya menyadari bahwa ia juga terkejut tentang saya tiba-tiba pingsan. kemudian saya membicarakan dengan hakim, mengapa tiba-tiba aku pingsan... Dia dalam napas dan mengatakan aku diberi beberapa ramuan tidur...Hakim juga menyebutkan jenis ramuan digunakan dalam ketika seseorang dalam kesakitan yang ekstrem dan Badi Ammi meminta bahwa obat yang sama. Aku langsung pergi ke Badi Ammi dan meminta badi ammi, mengapa dia diperlukan bahwa obat... Dia membawaku ke penjara dan memberikan bukti bahwa dia memberikan bahwa obat kepada seorang tahanan yang terluka yang dipukuli kejam oleh Adham. Dia sekali lagi membuktikan dirinya tidak bersalah dan membuktikan salah keraguan saya tapi masih sulit untuk menerima karena dia tidak lembut hati sekali untuk tahanan... Dia benar-benar kejam terhadap penjahat dan tahanan.Pikiranku telah meragukan pada niat Nya berkali-kali... Karena ambisinya yang tinggi untuk posisi dan kekuasaan, saya tahu dia telah melakukan beberapa kejahatan dimaafkan. Aku punya kecurigaan kuat pada dirinya ketika Khan baba mendapat dibunuh... Pertama dia bermain dengan pikiran saya secara politis dan menciptakan besar keretakan antara saya dan baba Behram Khan... Aku patah hati dan kepercayaan pada saya dengan menarik pedang-Ku terhadap dirinya. Dia langsung mundur dan memutuskan untuk berjalan keluar dari kehidupan saya bahkan setelah aku memohon kepadanya untuk tidak meninggalkan saya. Dia tidak langsung perlahan-lahan keracunan pikiran saya dengan menunjuk keluar, dia adalah orang yang memerintah seluruh Kesultanan dan darah muda saya berusaha untuk kebebasan dari-nya. Cara saya bermain dan dimanipulasi, aku tidak mengerti saat itu tetapi saya dapat melihat dengan jelas apa yang terjadi di masa lalu. Aku bahkan tahu ada konspirasi besar di belakang kematian-Nya... tapi sekali lagi tidak ada bukti... dan aku begitu didominasi oleh cinta... Untuk menyembunyikan kesalahan Adham's dia telah bermain banyak permainan dengan banyak kebohongan... Aku telah mengabaikan mereka semua... Pikiran saya selalu mengingatkan saya untuk niat nya cerdas dan kadang-kadang jahat... Bahkan sampai hari ini di Diwan E khaas... Kulihat ekspresinya, dia tidak marah dan marah dengan pengumuman... dan ketika aku bertemu dengannya hari dia benar-benar berubah sikapnya... dia dapat manis & kejam orang pada saat yang sama... Sangat baik, aku tahu dia membenci hindu dan khusus Jodha...Jodha Begum, saya tahu Anda tidak salah, tapi hatiku tidak suka orang lain menuduh Badi Ammi... Di suatu tempat di dalam hati saya, saya percaya bahwa dia tidak akan mengkhianati kepercayaan saya... dan dia tidak akan pernah menyakiti saya. Dia dapat memanipulasi saya untuk mendapatkan lebih banyak kekuasaan tapi saya yakin, hatinya mengalahkan bagi saya...Dia mencintai saya lebih dari anak sendiri, korban-korban Nya bagi saya jauh lebih berharga dalam hidup saya daripada keraguan ini. Dia selalu akan berdiri oleh saya setiap kali saya akan membutuhkannya.Seperti biasa, ia menghibur hatinya gelisah berpikir bahwa Badi Ammi mencintainya dan tidak akan pernah mengkhianati dirinya.Jodha's Inner bicaraJodha terkejut dengan perilaku Jalal's... Dia tidak pernah berpikir Jalal dibandingkan begum hamidah dengan Maham... dan dia mencintai Maham lebih... Dia menyadari bahwa tanpa sadar, dia telah menyakiti hatinya sangat... Ia menuduh orang yang ia menghormati yang paling... Apakah saya berpikir tentang Maham beres... aku benar-benar salah... Mengapa saya selalu merasa bahwa ia memiliki niat jahat... Apakah karena ia tidak suka padaku... Telah aku hanya membangun salah gambar dirinya dalam pikiran saya... Mungkin Shahenshah tepat... Saya tidak boleh menuduh dia begitu kuat tanpa bukti padat...Jalal's perubahan sikap hamidah & batin bicaraWhile walking towards Diwan e Khaas Jalal saw Hamida banu sitting on the bench peacefully with closed eyes... Her face had immense calmness... Rays of the sun were making her face glorious... His feet stopped robotically seeing her resting, he was astonished ... Jalal had never seen his Ammi Jaan relaxing like this... He has always seen her running around to finish different tasks... her list of works were sometimes bigger than his work... She was not only active in political work but also helped Rukaiya in harem, Her top priority was social work, after Jalal took over... She was the first one who pointed out about how young girls under fourteen were forcefully getting married to the older men against their wish... She strongly stood in Diwan E Khaas to build a law against this brutality towards little girls. She never mentioned but herself got married in a very young age of twelve to a thirty two year man (Humayun)... She never showed her loneliness and pain to anyone.Jalal never appreciated directly for her hard work but he always knew she has devoted her life to this sultanate ... He knew, she always worked till late nights and woke up early in the morning... He never saw her doing anything for her own enjoyment... After seeing her resting in the afternoon, little surprising smile smeared his face ... He was standing there and gazing at his mother's divine face and probably admiring her for the first time...Sambil mengamati dia, ia tersesat di dalam pikiran, ia menyadari bagaimana perlahan-lahan segala sesuatu telah berubah sejak Jodha datang hidupnya... Tiba-tiba pandangannya telah berubah dan sekarang dia dapat melihat segalanya begitu jelas...Hamidah 's dipecahkan kepercayaan pada Jodha adalah salah satu alasan Jalal merasa lebih dekat kepadanya daripada sebelumnya. Sedikit demi sedikit ia adalah mendapatkan terlepas dari Maham, dan datang lebih dekat ke Ammi Jaan nya. Realisasi datang dengan keinginan curbed... Dia pikir... Saya selalu mempertahankan jarak dari jaan ammi saya tapi mengapa hari ini... sesuatu yang menarik saya ke arahnya, aku selalu merasa Ammi Jaan tidak mencintaiku dan dia mengabaikan saya... tapi aku tidak tahu kapan dan mengapa, aku mulai membandingkan dirinya dengan Ami badi (maham)... Sedikit demi sedikit aku menutup hati saya dengan kepahitan menuju ammi jaan... Itu selalu menyakitiku, ia mengambil tugasnya pertama daripada anak-anaknya sendiri... tapi akhir-akhir ini rasanya apa yang dia lakukan benar... Saya selalu merasa di masa lalu bahwa dia adalah egois tapi visi saya telah berubah... sekarang hatiku memahami dia mengorbankan... cinta... Cara saya melihat segala sesuatu hari ini sangat berbeda dan jelas... Aku bisa melihat, dia adalah orang tanpa pamrih... yang telah dikorbankan ibu nya... mengambil kebencian dari anak-anaknya untuk kemajuan mereka... Saya masih ingat matanya rentan tak berdaya... ketika dia pergi untuk minggu yang meninggalkan kami di istana. Dia selalu juggled antara anak-anaknya dan tugasnya terhadap Kesultanan... Aku tidak pernah memberikan pentingnya yang dia pantas...Jalal dinding wajahnya sangat khawatir dan khawatir ketika ia terluka... maka dia ingat wajahnya ceria dengan air mata di DWK sebelumnya hari ini...Bagaimana dia telah ekspresi mereka bersyukur ketika ia membuat pengumuman... Dia tidak pernah melihat perasaan banyak konten ini di wajahnya sebelum... Cara dia adalah menyegarkan merasa seperti dia mengambil penarikan dari tugasnya... Tiba-tiba dia memiliki keinginan yang intens dan keinginan untuk cinta keibuan...Tiba-tiba keinginan curbed berkembang untuk kehangatan keibuan...Polos... Magnetis... hatinya pindah ke arahnya... Dia berjalan oleh bangku sangat lambat... Dia tersenyum contently melihat dia sangat hilang dalam damai tidur... Dia ragu-ragu duduk depannya dengan berlutut membungkuk di lantai... Itu mungkin baginya untuk menekan keinginan kuat, dia lembut terus kepalanya di pangkuannya, seperti seorang anak kecil dan dibungkus tangannya pada kakinya...Hamidah dengan sedikit syok membuka matanya... dan dengan gembira menyenangkan, ia melihat anaknya beristirahat di pangkuannya... Melihat saat ini tak terduga, mengherankan, hatinya mulai memukul sangat cepat... Pada saat yang sama ia mengadakan nya napas untuk memahami apa yang terjadi... Itu adalah kejutan yang tak terduga untuknya, meneteskan air mata bahagia turun dari pipi... Dia tidak bisa memahami bagaimana untuk bereaksi terhadap hal ini... Bagaimana bertindak... Ia merasa kewalahan dengan kehangatan nya...Perlahan-lahan, dia terus tangannya di atas kepalanya dan mulai membelai pada rambut selama satu menit... dia kerinduan untuk saat ini untuk usia... Ibu kering nya tidak puas perasaan terbangun setelah usia dengan harapan... Dia tidak pernah telah diantisipasi menerima cinta ini dari anaknya... Dia tidak pernah berpikir, bahkan dalam mimpinya bahwa ia akan datang kembali untuk satu hari seperti ini... Ia tahu bahwa ia telah mulai untuk menghormati dia tapi dia tidak punya harapan untuk cinta dari-nya... Ia perlahan-lahan mengangkat mukanya di mata... Keduanya saling memandang dengan cinta yang mendalam... dia melihat hilang sepuluh tahun anaknya di matanya tidak bersalah... yang kerinduan untuk ibunya selama bertahun-tahun... melihat memberikan sejumput dalam hatinya... Hidupnya yang kesepian tiba-tiba bermekaran dengan cinta... Dia adalah jauh lebih sedih daripada Jalal... Dia kehilangan suaminya tahun yang lalu dan mengambil tanggung jawab anak-anaknya dari dia... Tapi ia telah menerima ini adalah takdir nya...Akhirnya Jalal memecah keheningan dan dengan nada emosional nya tebal dia bertanya "Ammi Jaan, Apakah Anda baik-baik saja?Hamidah menanggapi sentimentil nada emosional "Aku tidak tahu... Aku kewalahan dengan sukacita...Terasa seperti segera aku akan bangun dan keluar mimpi ini dan saya akan ditinggalkan dengan tangan kesepian... Itu saya