I keep telling myself that leaving

I keep telling myself that leaving this confession is just to get closure so I can move ahead with Trey, but I know it’s for purely selfish reasons.
I grab another piece of paper from my purse and quickly scribble words across it.

He’s out of town this weekend.

I slide the paper through the slot without even folding it. As soon as it’s out of my reach, my chest tightens, and I immediately regret what I just wrote. That wasn’t a confession; it was an invitation. One that I need to rescind. Right now. I’m not that girl.
Why did I just do that?
I attempt to slip my fingers through the slot, knowing the paper has fallen to the floor by now. I grab another piece from my purse and write something to follow up the last confession.

Ignore that confession. That wasn’t an invitation. I don’t know why I wrote it.

I slide that piece of paper through the slot and immediately regret that one even more. Now I just look like an idiot. Again, I tear off another piece of paper and write on it, knowing I should somehow get this paper and pen out of my own reach.

You really should have a way for people to retract their confessions, Owen. Like maybe a twenty-second return policy.

I slide that one through the door as well, and shove the paper and pen into my purse.
What have I just done?
I slide the strap of my purse up my shoulder and continue toward the salon. I swear this has to be the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done. Maybe he won’t read them until Monday, and the weekend will be over.


It’s been eight hours since my slipup this morning as I was walking past Owen’s studio. I’ve had a lot of time to consider why I would even think it was okay to leave something like that for him to read. I know it was a weak moment, but it isn’t fair of me to do that to him. If he really did develop feelings for me in the short time I knew him, the fact that I refuse to be with him is out of his control. And then I go and leave stupid notes like I’ve been leaving for the past few weeks, even though today was the first day I actually left confessions that pertained to the two of us.
I’ve made my decision though, and even if I don’t feel for Trey the way he feels for me, I would never betray him. Once I make a commitment to someone, I’m the type of person who will honor that commitment.
We’ve had the discussion about not seeing other people, even though to me it still doesn’t necessarily feel like we’re even seeing each other. This means I need to somehow find a way to get over the thought of Owen. I need to stop worrying about him. I need to stop walking by his studio when I know there are different routes I could take. I need to put my focus and energy into my relationship with Trey, because if I want Trey to be a figure in AJ’s life, I need to be committed to making that relationship work.
And Trey has been good to me. I know his bout of jealousy in the parking lot yesterday scared me, but I can’t blame him. Seeing Owen and me together more than likely filled him with insecurity, so of course he’s angry. And he’s good to AJ. He could provide for us in a way that I can’t do on my own. There isn’t a reason in the world why I shouldn’t want to make this work with Trey other than my own selfishness.
“I’m leaving,” Donna says, peeking around the corner. “Do you mind locking up?”
Donna is the newest employee, and she’s been here for about two weeks now. She’s already got more clients than I do and does a way better job. Not that I’m bad at what I do, I’m just not that great. It’s hard to be great at something you hate.
“No problem.”
She tells me good-bye, and I finish washing the dye bowls in the sink. Several minutes after she leaves, the bell chimes, signaling someone has entered the salon. I step around the partition in order to let whoever it is know that we’re finished for the day, but my words are caught in my throat when I see him.
He’s standing by the front door, looking around the salon. When his gaze falls on me, the song playing through the overhead speaker comes to a timely end and a heavy silence fills the room.
If I could feel for Trey even a fraction of what Owen makes me feel just standing across the room from me, I could probably make that relationship work without issue.
But I don’t feel this with anyone else. Just Owen.
He begins to walk toward me with quiet confidence. I’m not moving at all. I’m not even sure my heart is moving. I know my lungs aren’t moving, because I haven’t taken a breath since I stepped around this corner and saw him standing there.
He pauses when he’s about five feet away from me. His stare hasn’t deviated once, and I can no longer control the obvious rise and fall of my chest. His presence alone is causing me actual, physical turmoil.
“Hi,” he says. His expression is cautious. He’s not giving away a single ounce of emotion. I don’t know if he’s angry about my confessions, but he’s here, so he obviously knew they were from me.

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

I keep telling myself that leaving this confession is just to get closure so I can move ahead with Trey, but I know it’s for purely selfish reasons.I grab another piece of paper from my purse and quickly scribble words across it.He’s out of town this weekend.I slide the paper through the slot without even folding it. As soon as it’s out of my reach, my chest tightens, and I immediately regret what I just wrote. That wasn’t a confession; it was an invitation. One that I need to rescind. Right now. I’m not that girl.Why did I just do that?I attempt to slip my fingers through the slot, knowing the paper has fallen to the floor by now. I grab another piece from my purse and write something to follow up the last confession.Ignore that confession. That wasn’t an invitation. I don’t know why I wrote it.I slide that piece of paper through the slot and immediately regret that one even more. Now I just look like an idiot. Again, I tear off another piece of paper and write on it, knowing I should somehow get this paper and pen out of my own reach.You really should have a way for people to retract their confessions, Owen. Like maybe a twenty-second return policy.I slide that one through the door as well, and shove the paper and pen into my purse.What have I just done?I slide the strap of my purse up my shoulder and continue toward the salon. I swear this has to be the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done. Maybe he won’t read them until Monday, and the weekend will be over.It’s been eight hours since my slipup this morning as I was walking past Owen’s studio. I’ve had a lot of time to consider why I would even think it was okay to leave something like that for him to read. I know it was a weak moment, but it isn’t fair of me to do that to him. If he really did develop feelings for me in the short time I knew him, the fact that I refuse to be with him is out of his control. And then I go and leave stupid notes like I’ve been leaving for the past few weeks, even though today was the first day I actually left confessions that pertained to the two of us.I’ve made my decision though, and even if I don’t feel for Trey the way he feels for me, I would never betray him. Once I make a commitment to someone, I’m the type of person who will honor that commitment.We’ve had the discussion about not seeing other people, even though to me it still doesn’t necessarily feel like we’re even seeing each other. This means I need to somehow find a way to get over the thought of Owen. I need to stop worrying about him. I need to stop walking by his studio when I know there are different routes I could take. I need to put my focus and energy into my relationship with Trey, because if I want Trey to be a figure in AJ’s life, I need to be committed to making that relationship work.Dan Trey telah baik padaku. Aku tahu nya bout kecemburuan di tempat parkir kemarin ketakutan saya, tapi aku tidak bisa menyalahkan dia. Melihat Owen dan saya bersama-sama lebih dari mungkin dipenuhi dia ketidakamanan, jadi tentu saja dia marah. Dan ia baik untuk AJ. Ia dapat memberikan kita dengan cara yang tidak bisa saya sendiri. Tidak ada alasan di dunia mengapa aku tidak ingin membuat pekerjaan ini dengan Trey selain keegoisan saya sendiri."Aku meninggalkan," Donna mengatakan, mengintip di sekitar sudut. "Apakah Anda keberatan mengunci?"Donna adalah karyawan terbaru, dan dia telah di sini selama sekitar dua minggu sekarang. Dia telah mendapat lebih banyak klien daripada yang saya lakukan dan cara yang lebih baik pekerjaan. Tidak bahwa I am buruk pada apa yang saya lakukan, saya hanya tidak yang besar. Sulit untuk menjadi besar di sesuatu yang Anda benci."Tidak ada masalah."Dia mengatakan selamat tinggal, dan aku menyelesaikan mencuci pewarna mangkuk di wastafel. Beberapa menit setelah dia berangkat, lonceng berdentang, signaling seseorang telah memasuki salon. Aku melangkah di sekitar partisi untuk membiarkan siapa pun yang tahu bahwa kami selesai untuk hari, tetapi kata-kata saya terjebak dalam tenggorokan saya ketika saya menemuinya.Dia berdiri oleh pintu depan, mencari di sekitar salon. Ketika tatapan jatuh pada saya, lagu yang diputar melalui overhead speaker datang ke sebuah akhir yang tepat waktu dan keheningan berat mengisi kamar.Jika aku bisa merasakan untuk Trey bahkan sebagian kecil dari apa Owen membuat saya merasa hanya berdiri di seberang ruangan dari saya, saya mungkin bisa membuat hubungan itu bekerja tanpa masalah.But I don’t feel this with anyone else. Just Owen.He begins to walk toward me with quiet confidence. I’m not moving at all. I’m not even sure my heart is moving. I know my lungs aren’t moving, because I haven’t taken a breath since I stepped around this corner and saw him standing there.He pauses when he’s about five feet away from me. His stare hasn’t deviated once, and I can no longer control the obvious rise and fall of my chest. His presence alone is causing me actual, physical turmoil.“Hi,” he says. His expression is cautious. He’s not giving away a single ounce of emotion. I don’t know if he’s angry about my confessions, but he’s here, so he obviously knew they were from me.