SundayReview | Op-Ed ColumnistThe M

SundayReview | Op-Ed Columnist
The Moral Bucket List

APRIL 11, 2015
Photo
Credit Rachel Levit. Photography by Tony Cenicola/The New York Times
Continue reading the main story
Continue reading the main story
[David Brooks]

David Brooks
Continue reading the main story Share This Page

ABOUT once a month I run across a person who radiates an inner light. These people can be in any walk of life. They seem deeply good. They listen well. They make you feel funny and valued. You often catch them looking after other people and as they do so their laugh is musical and their manner is infused with gratitude. They are not thinking about what wonderful work they are doing. They are not thinking about themselves at all.

When I meet such a person it brightens my whole day. But I confess I often have a sadder thought: It occurs to me that I’ve achieved a decent level of career success, but I have not achieved that. I have not achieved that generosity of spirit, or that depth of character.

a few years ago i realized that i wanted to be a bit more like those people. i realized that if i wanted to do that i was going to have to work harder to save my own soul. i was going to have to have the sort of moral adventures that produce that kind of goodness. i was going to have to be better at balancing my life.

It occurred to me that there were two sets of virtues, the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral — whether you were kind, brave, honest or faithful. Were you capable of deep love?

We all know that the eulogy virtues are more important than the résumé ones. But our culture and our educational systems spend more time teaching the skills and strategies you need for career success than the qualities you need to radiate that sort of inner light. Many of us are clearer on how to build an external career than on how to build inner character.

But if you live for external achievement, years pass and the deepest parts of you go unexplored and unstructured. You lack a moral vocabulary. It is easy to slip into a self-satisfied moral mediocrity. You grade yourself on a forgiving curve. You figure as long as you are not obviously hurting anybody and people seem to like you, you must be O.K. But you live with an unconscious boredom, separated from the deepest meaning of life and the highest moral joys. Gradually, a humiliating gap opens between your actual self and your desired self, between you and those incandescent souls you sometimes meet.
David Brooks
Politics, culture and the social sciences.

The Revolution Lives! APR 10
What Candidates Need APR 7
On Conquering Fear APR 3
Religious Liberty and Equality MAR 31
The Field Is Flat MAR 27

See More »

So a few years ago I set out to discover how those deeply good people got that way. I didn’t know if I could follow their road to character (I’m a pundit, more or less paid to appear smarter and better than I really am). But I at least wanted to know what the road looked like.
Photo
Credit Rachel Levit. Photography by Tony Cenicola/The New York Times

I came to the conclusion that wonderful people are made, not born — that the people I admired had achieved an unfakeable inner virtue, built slowly from specific moral and spiritual accomplishments.

If we wanted to be gimmicky, we could say these accomplishments amounted to a moral bucket list, the experiences one should have on the way toward the richest possible inner life. Here, quickly, are some of them:
Continue reading the main story

THE HUMILITY SHIFT We live in the culture of the Big Me. The meritocracy wants you to promote yourself. Social media wants you to broadcast a highlight reel of your life. Your parents and teachers were always telling you how wonderful you were.

But all the people I’ve ever deeply admired are profoundly honest about their own weaknesses. They have identified their core sin, whether it is selfishness, the desperate need for approval, cowardice, hardheartedness or whatever. They have traced how that core sin leads to the behavior that makes them feel ashamed. They have achieved a profound humility, which has best been defined as an intense self-awareness from a position of other-centeredness.

SELF-DEFEAT External success is achieved through competition with others. But character is built during the confrontation with your own weakness. Dwight Eisenhower, for example, realized early on that his core sin was his temper. He developed a moderate, cheerful exterior because he knew he needed to project optimism and confidence to lead. He did silly things to tame his anger. He took the names of the people he hated, wrote them down on slips of paper and tore them up and threw them in the garbage. Over a lifetime of self-confrontation, he developed a mature temperament. He made himself strong in his weakest places.

THE DEPENDENCY LEAP Many people give away the book “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” as a graduation gift. This book suggests that life is an autonomous journey. We master certain skills and experience adventures and certain challenges on our way to individual success. This individualist worldview suggests that character is this little iron figure of willpower inside. But people on the road to character understand that no person can achieve self-mastery on his or her own. Individual will, reason and compassion are not strong enough to consistently defeat selfishness, pride and self-deception. We all need redemptive assistance from outside.

People on this road see life as a process of commitment making. Character is defined by how deeply rooted you are. Have you developed deep connections that hold you up in times of challenge and push you toward the good? In the realm of the intellect, a person of character has achieved a settled philosophy about fundamental things. In the realm of emotion, she is embedded in a web of unconditional loves. In the realm of action, she is committed to tasks that can’t be completed in a single lifetime.

ENERGIZING LOVE Dorothy Day led a disorganized life when she was young: drinking, carousing, a suicide attempt or two, following her desires, unable to find direction. But the birth of her daughter changed her. She wrote of that birth, “If I had written the greatest book, composed the greatest symphony, painted the most beautiful painting or carved the most exquisite figure I could not have felt the more exalted creator than I did when they placed my child in my arms.”

That kind of love decenters the self. It reminds you that your true riches are in another. Most of all, this love electrifies. It puts you in a state of need and makes it delightful to serve what you love. Day’s love for her daughter spilled outward and upward. As she wrote, “No human creature could receive or contain so vast a flood of love and joy as I often felt after the birth of my child. With this came the need to worship, to adore.”
Continue reading the main story

She made unshakable commitments in all directions. She became a Catholic, started a radical newspaper, opened settlement houses for the poor and lived among the poor, embracing shared poverty as a way to build community, to not only do good, but be good. This gift of love overcame, sometimes, the natural self-centeredness all of us feel.
Continue reading the main story

THE CALL WITHIN THE CALL We all go into professions for many reasons: money, status, security. But some people have experiences that turn a career into a calling. These experiences quiet the self. All that matters is living up to the standard of excellence inherent in their craft.

Frances Perkins was a young woman who was an activist for progressive causes at the start of the 20th century. She was polite and a bit genteel. But one day she stumbled across the Triangle Shirtwaist factory fire, and watched dozens of garment workers hurl themselves to their deaths rather than be burned alive. That experience shamed her moral sense and purified her ambition. It was her call within a call.

After that, she turned herself into an instrument for the cause of workers’ rights. She was willing to work with anybody, compromise with anybody, push through hesitation. She even changed her appearance so she could become a more effective instrument for the movement. She became the first woman in a United States cabinet, under Franklin D. Roosevelt, and emerged as one of the great civic figures of the 20th century.

THE CONSCIENCE LEAP In most lives there’s a moment when people strip away all the branding and status symbols, all the prestige that goes with having gone to a certain school or been born into a certain family. They leap out beyond the utilitarian logic and crash through the barriers of their fears.

The novelist George Eliot (her real name was Mary Ann Evans) was a mess as a young woman, emotionally needy, falling for every man she met and being rejected. Finally, in her mid-30s she met a guy named George Lewes. Lewes was estranged from his wife, but legally he was married. If Eliot went with Lewes she would be labeled an adulterer by society. She’d lose her friends, be cut off by her family. It took her a week to decide, but she went with Lewes. “Light and easily broken ties are what I neither desire theoretically nor could live for practically. Women who are satisfied with such ties do not act as I have done,” she wrote.

She chose well. Her character stabilized. Her capacity for empathetic understanding expanded. She lived in a state of steady, devoted love with Lewes, the kind of second love that comes after a person is older, scarred a bit and enmeshed in responsibilities. He served her and helped her become one of the greatest novelists of any age. Together they turned neediness into constancy.


Commencement speakers are always telling young people to follow their passions. Be true to yourself. Thi

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

SundayReview | Op-Ed kolumnisDaftar ember Moral11 APRIL 2015FotoKredit Rachel Levit. fotografi oleh Tony Cenicola/The New York TimesLanjutkan membaca cerita utamaLanjutkan membaca cerita utama[David Brooks]David BrooksLanjutkan membaca cerita utama berbagi Halaman iniSEKITAR sekali sebulan aku berlari melintasi orang yang memancarkan cahaya batin. Orang-orang ini dapat dalam setiap saat hidupnya. Mereka tampak sangat bagus. Mereka mendengarkan dengan baik. Mereka membuat Anda merasa lucu dan dihargai. Anda sering menangkap mereka merawat orang lain dan mereka melakukannya mereka tertawa musik dan mereka cara diresapi dengan rasa syukur. Mereka tidak berpikir tentang pekerjaan luar biasa apa yang mereka lakukan. Mereka tidak berpikir tentang diri mereka sama sekali.Ketika saya bertemu orang semacam itu mencerahkan saya sepanjang hari. Tapi aku mengakui aku sering memiliki pemikiran sedih: itu terjadi kepada saya bahwa saya telah mencapai tingkat kesuksesan karir yang layak, tetapi saya belum mencapai itu. Saya belum mencapai bahwa kemurahan hati Roh, atau bahwa kedalaman karakter.beberapa tahun lalu saya menyadari bahwa saya ingin menjadi sedikit lebih seperti orang-orang. Saya menyadari bahwa jika saya ingin melakukan bahwa saya akan harus bekerja lebih keras untuk menyelamatkan jiwa saya sendiri. Aku akan harus memiliki jenis petualangan moral yang menghasilkan kebaikan semacam itu. Aku akan menjadi lebih baik dalam menyeimbangkan kehidupan saya.Terpikir olehku bahwa ada dua set kebajikan, kebajikan resume dan kebajikan pidato. Kebajikan resume adalah keterampilan yang Anda bawa ke pasar. Kebajikan pidato adalah orang yang berbicara tentang di pemakaman Anda-Apakah Anda masih baik, berani, jujur atau setia. Apakah Anda mampu cinta yang mendalam?Kita semua tahu bahwa kebajikan pidato lebih penting daripada resume yang. Tapi budaya dan sistem pendidikan kita menghabiskan lebih banyak waktu mengajar keterampilan dan strategi yang Anda butuhkan untuk kesuksesan karir daripada kualitas Anda harus memancarkan cahaya batin semacam itu. Banyak dari kita jelas tentang bagaimana membangun karir eksternal daripada tentang bagaimana membangun karakter batin.Tetapi jika Anda tinggal untuk pencapaian eksternal, tahun-tahun berlalu dan bagian terdalam Anda pergi belum diselidiki dan terstruktur. Anda tidak memiliki kosakata moral. Sangat mudah untuk masuk ke biasa moral-diri puas mewah menampilkan biasa saja. Anda nilai sendiri pada kurva memaafkan. Anda mencari selama Anda tidak jelas menyakiti orang dan orang-orang tampaknya seperti Anda, Anda harus OK Tapi Anda hidup dengan kebosanan sadar, dipisahkan dari makna yang terdalam dari kehidupan dan kebahagiaan moral tertinggi. Secara bertahap, kesenjangan memalukan terbuka antara sebenarnya diri dan diri Anda diinginkan, antara Anda dan jiwa-jiwa pijar yang kadang-kadang Anda bertemu.David BrooksPolitik, budaya dan ilmu-ilmu sosial. Kehidupan revolusi! APR 10 Apa calon perlu APR 7 Pada penakluk takut APR 3 Kebebasan beragama dan kesetaraan MAR 31 Bidang ini datar 27 MARLihat lebih lanjut»Jadi beberapa tahun yang lalu saya mulai untuk menemukan bagaimana orang-orang sangat baik sampai seperti itu. Aku tidak tahu jika saya bisa mengikuti jalan mereka untuk karakter (I 'm pundit, lebih atau kurang dibayar untuk tampil lebih cerdas dan lebih baik daripada aku benar-benar). Tapi aku paling tidak ingin tahu apa yang tampak seperti jalan.FotoKredit Rachel Levit. fotografi oleh Tony Cenicola/The New York TimesAku sampai pada kesimpulan bahwa orang-orang yang indah dibuat, tidak dilahirkan — bahwa orang-orang yang saya mengagumi telah mencapai kebajikan batin unfakeable, dibangun perlahan-lahan dari prestasi moral dan spiritual yang khusus.Jika kita ingin menarik perhatian, kita bisa mengatakan prestasi ini berjumlah daftar ember moral, pengalaman seseorang harus memiliki di jalan menuju kehidupan batin mungkin terkaya. Di sini, dengan cepat, yang beberapa di antaranya:Lanjutkan membaca cerita utamaPERGESERAN kerendahan hati kita hidup dalam budaya besar me. Meritokrasi ingin Anda mempromosikan diri. Media sosial ingin Anda untuk menyiarkan sorot reel hidup Anda. Orang tua dan guru yang selalu mengatakan kepada Anda betapa indahnya kau.Tetapi semua orang yang pernah sangat saya kagumi sangat jujur tentang kelemahan mereka sendiri. Mereka telah mengidentifikasi dosa inti mereka, apakah itu keegoisan, putus asa perlunya persetujuan, pengecut, hardheartedness atau apa pun. Mereka telah dilacak bagaimana dosa inti mengarah pada perilaku yang membuat mereka merasa malu. Mereka telah mencapai kerendahan hati mendalam, yang terbaik didefinisikan sebagai kesadaran diri intens dari posisi lain oleh pemusatan.MENGALAHKAN diri eksternal keberhasilan dicapai melalui kompetisi dengan orang lain. Tapi karakter dibangun selama konfrontasi dengan kelemahan Anda sendiri. Dwight Eisenhower, misalnya, menyadari sejak awal bahwa dosanya inti emosinya. Ia mengembangkan eksterior yang moderat, ceria karena ia tahu ia butuhkan untuk proyek optimisme dan kepercayaan diri untuk memimpin. Dia melakukan hal-hal yang konyol untuk menjinakkan amarahnya. Ia mengambil nama orang dia membenci, menuliskan mereka pada potongan-potongan kertas dan merobek mereka dan melemparkan mereka di sampah. Selama seumur hidup diri konfrontasi, ia mengembangkan temperamen yang matang. Ia membuat dirinya kuat di nya tempat yang paling lemah.THE DEPENDENCY LEAP Many people give away the book “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” as a graduation gift. This book suggests that life is an autonomous journey. We master certain skills and experience adventures and certain challenges on our way to individual success. This individualist worldview suggests that character is this little iron figure of willpower inside. But people on the road to character understand that no person can achieve self-mastery on his or her own. Individual will, reason and compassion are not strong enough to consistently defeat selfishness, pride and self-deception. We all need redemptive assistance from outside.People on this road see life as a process of commitment making. Character is defined by how deeply rooted you are. Have you developed deep connections that hold you up in times of challenge and push you toward the good? In the realm of the intellect, a person of character has achieved a settled philosophy about fundamental things. In the realm of emotion, she is embedded in a web of unconditional loves. In the realm of action, she is committed to tasks that can’t be completed in a single lifetime.ENERGIZING LOVE Dorothy Day led a disorganized life when she was young: drinking, carousing, a suicide attempt or two, following her desires, unable to find direction. But the birth of her daughter changed her. She wrote of that birth, “If I had written the greatest book, composed the greatest symphony, painted the most beautiful painting or carved the most exquisite figure I could not have felt the more exalted creator than I did when they placed my child in my arms.”That kind of love decenters the self. It reminds you that your true riches are in another. Most of all, this love electrifies. It puts you in a state of need and makes it delightful to serve what you love. Day’s love for her daughter spilled outward and upward. As she wrote, “No human creature could receive or contain so vast a flood of love and joy as I often felt after the birth of my child. With this came the need to worship, to adore.”Continue reading the main storyShe made unshakable commitments in all directions. She became a Catholic, started a radical newspaper, opened settlement houses for the poor and lived among the poor, embracing shared poverty as a way to build community, to not only do good, but be good. This gift of love overcame, sometimes, the natural self-centeredness all of us feel.Continue reading the main storyTHE CALL WITHIN THE CALL We all go into professions for many reasons: money, status, security. But some people have experiences that turn a career into a calling. These experiences quiet the self. All that matters is living up to the standard of excellence inherent in their craft.Frances Perkins was a young woman who was an activist for progressive causes at the start of the 20th century. She was polite and a bit genteel. But one day she stumbled across the Triangle Shirtwaist factory fire, and watched dozens of garment workers hurl themselves to their deaths rather than be burned alive. That experience shamed her moral sense and purified her ambition. It was her call within a call.After that, she turned herself into an instrument for the cause of workers’ rights. She was willing to work with anybody, compromise with anybody, push through hesitation. She even changed her appearance so she could become a more effective instrument for the movement. She became the first woman in a United States cabinet, under Franklin D. Roosevelt, and emerged as one of the great civic figures of the 20th century.THE CONSCIENCE LEAP In most lives there’s a moment when people strip away all the branding and status symbols, all the prestige that goes with having gone to a certain school or been born into a certain family. They leap out beyond the utilitarian logic and crash through the barriers of their fears.The novelist George Eliot (her real name was Mary Ann Evans) was a mess as a young woman, emotionally needy, falling for every man she met and being rejected. Finally, in her mid-30s she met a guy named George Lewes. Lewes was estranged from his wife, but legally he was married. If Eliot went with Lewes she would be labeled an adulterer by society. She’d lose her friends, be cut off by her family. It took her a week to decide, but she went with Lewes. “Light and easily broken ties are what I neither desire theoretically nor could live for practically. Women who are satisfied with such ties do not act as I have done,” she wrote.She chose well. Her character stabilized. Her capacity for empathetic understanding expanded. She lived in a state of steady, devoted love with Lewes, the kind of second love that comes after a person is older, scarred a bit and enmeshed in responsibilities. He served her and helped her become one of the greatest novelists of any age. Together they turned neediness into constancy.Commencement speakers are always telling young people to follow their passions. Be true to yourself. Thi