herself. All the pain shefelt when

herself. All the pain she
felt when YoonA left, the
endless longing in her heart
all these years without
YoonA, the nights she cried
herself to sleep thinking
about YoonA. There was no
more reason, for anything,
because YoonA was gone.
Every night, she found a way
to lock all of it behind a
door and wake up with the
audacity to hope for
something better in the
morning. The door creaked and
lurched, struggling to hold
back all her demons. When
YoonA came back and she saw
that face again, something
buckled. The door reached its
limit and tonight, it gave
way.
"You left me! Y-You left
when.. You left when I.. when
I-I realised that.." Jessica
shook her head, feeling the
tears hit her neck. She
couldn't say it right now,
the pain was still so raw and
real; she should be over it,
but she isn't. And the kicker
is that, she still loved her.
Even through all the pain,
she loved YoonA, still loves
her so much.
"Jessica.." Her voice.. weak
and quivering, made Jessica
look up to stare into YoonA's
eyes. The girl looked just as
pained and torn apart as she
did, as those tears traced
tracks down her face, too.
Jessica blinked her own
tears, throat bobbing as she
swallowed and transfixed her
eyes on YoonA's shoulder so
she wouldn't have to look the
girl in the eyes.
"I want.. I need you out
here.." YoonA wrapped her
fingers around Jessica's
wrist, pulling them up and
holding them to her chest,
and Jessica forced herself to
meet YoonA's teary eyes.
She's never been so aware of
the height difference between
them — it's only a few
centimetres, but it feels
like a mile.
"I-I'm so sorry I left. Was
it too wrong to give you the
space that you needed? You
were hating on me, you were
shutting me off. Then that
night happened.." YoonA
inhaled deeply, steeling
herself. "You let me.. You
let me take it. You just
didn't know how fulfilled I
felt that time,knowing you're
already mine, fully mine.
Except.. for your heart.
There was that moment when
you looked at me.. and I
know.. I see how broken you
were. How broken your heart
was. And I know in myself
that I couldn't mend it, I
can never.. because I was the
one who caused it. That alone
was enough for me to force
myself to walk away and give
you space.. You badly needed
it. We badly needed it.. You
can never get over what you
think of me, your doubts
about me, your distrust on
me, if I were still here. T-
That's the reason why I had
to go away.."
At the words, Jessica sobbed
even harder, now completely
out of control as she
attempted to catch her breath
and draw away from YoonA. But
it was all a futile endeavour
when YoonA reeled her back in
and in a split second,
YoonA's lips were on hers.
Lips met. Tongues met. Souls
met.
Hearts might have met too,
had it not been for Jessica's
carefully constructed walls.
Those walls kept her from
being vulnerable; vulnerable,
in the sense that she'd fully
give in to this girl. Fully
give in and forget everything
that had transpired between
them, those painful things.
Vulnerability is for the
weak.
Jessica Jung would never let
herself be weak again.
She withdrew from the rough
kiss, and pushed away from
YoonA.. pushed away till
they're no longer holding
each other, and able to hold
each other. The distance was
killing her, every fibre of
her being was shattering as
she looked into those
miserable, tearful, doe eyes,
but she can't go back.
She couldn't go back into
those arms.. not now.
She needed air. This is when
she needed that space. But
YoonA was here. YoonA was in
her space, and she could
barely breathe within these
small boundaries. YoonA
shouldn't be here now. She
shouldn't have been here in
the first place..
"L-Leave me. Leave me, Y-
YoonA. C-Can you do that,
now? Please..?"
Three years before this day,
YoonA left her and she cried
all her nights away because
the girl wasn't there. YoonA
wasn't there beside her.
Right at this instance, YoonA
was here, but she's still
crying, wailing even as she
asked— as she begged the girl
to leave her.
Fucking irony.
Maybe she's a masochist;
because she told YoonA to
leave, watched as the girl
leaves, and mentally painted
YoonA's face as she left like
it'll be the last time she's
going to see her, and it
might be.
The door shut, and clicked,
and Jessica was alone once
more. Alone in the misery
that she brought upon her own
self.
"I.. I-I love you, YoonA.. I
still do.." she croaked
brokenly to the empty room,
into the still air, and the
silence mocked her. She
weakly fell on her knees,
onto the floor, and stared at
the closed door as if YoonA
were still behind it, and
found herself tearing up
silently when she realised
YoonA wasn't there, and why
she wasn't.
Yes, maybe Jessica Jung's a
masochist.. She's the
masochist bringing all this
pain to herself and making
all these ironies. God, how
she wished she didn't tell
YoonA to leave, that she just
let her stay, and be with
her. She wished she could
just turn the hands of time
and take it all back.
She missed YoonA so much..
she missed her just the same.
But she didn't voice that out
and pushed the girl away
instead. She felt like
dying.. the fourth time
around. The pain was
excruciating, too excessive
that even a numbing pill would
be incapable of taking it
away. Everything just felt so
wrong..
"YoonA.. I-I need you... C-
Come back, please.."
But YoonA isn't there anymore
to hear any of it.

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

dirinya. Semua rasa sakit diamerasa ketika meninggalkan YoonA,tak ada habisnya kerinduan dalam hatinyabertahun-tahun tanpaYoonA, malam dia menangisdirinya untuk tidur berpikirtentang YoonA. Ada tidak adaalasan lain, untuk apa pun,karena YoonA hilang.Setiap malam, dia menemukan carauntuk mengunci semua itu di belakangpintu dan bangun dengankeberanian untuk berharap untuksesuatu yang lebih baik dalampagi. Pintu creaked danmeluncur, berjuang teruskembali semua setan nya. KapanYoonA kembali dan dia melihatyang menghadapi lagi, sesuatu yanglemas. Mencapai pintu yangbatas dan malam ini, membericara."Anda meninggalkan saya! Y-Anda meninggalkanKapan.. Anda pergi ketika saya... KapanAku-aku menyadari bahwa.. " Jessicamenggelengkan kepalanya, perasaanair mata memukul lehernya. Diatidak bisa mengatakan itu sekarang,rasa sakit itu masih jadi mentah dannyata; Dia harus lebih dari itu,tapi dia tidak. Dan kickeradalah bahwa, ia masih mencintainya.Bahkan melalui semua rasa sakit,Dia mencintai YoonA, masih mencintaiDia begitu banyak."Jessica.." Suaranya. lemahdan bergetar, membuat Jessicamencari untuk menatap ke dalam YoonA'smata. Gadis tampak sepertisedih dan terpisah robek saat ialakukan, sebagai air mata mereka dilacaktrek wajahnya, terlalu.Jessica berkedip dirinya sendiriair mata, tenggorokan mengangguk-angguk saat iamenelan dan terpaku diamata pada YoonA di bahu begituDia tidak harus melihatgadis di mata."Saya ingin... Saya perlu Anda tahudisini.." YoonA dibungkus diajari-jari sekitar Jessicapergelangan tangan, menarik mereka danmenahan mereka ke dadanya,Jessica memaksa dirinya untukmemenuhi YoonA di mata berkaca-kaca.Dia tidak pernah begitu sadarketinggian perbedaan antaramereka — ini adalah hanya beberapasentimeter, tetapi merasaseperti berjarak."Aku-aku sangat menyesal aku meninggalkan. Adalahjuga salah untuk memberikanRuang yang Anda butuhkan? Andayang membenci saya, kaumematikan saya. Kemudian yangmalam terjadi..." YoonAdihirup secara mendalam, steelingdirinya. "Anda membiarkan saya.. AndaBiarkan aku mengambil itu. Anda hanyatidak tahu bagaimana terpenuhi sayamerasa waktu itu, mengetahui Andasudah tambang, sepenuhnya tambang.Kecuali... bagi jantung Anda.Ada saat ketikaAnda memandang saya... dan sayatahu... Aku melihat bagaimana Anda rusakitu. Bagaimana melanggar hati Andaadalah. Dan aku tahu dalam dirikubahwa aku tidak bisa memperbaiki itu, sayatidak pernah bisa. karena sayasatu yang menyebabkannya. Itu sajasudah cukup bagi saya untuk memaksadiriku sendiri untuk berjalan kaki dan memberikanAnda ruang... Anda sangat dibutuhkanitu. Kami sangat membutuhkan... Andatidak pernah bisa mendapatkan lebih dari apa yang Andapikir saya, keragu-raguantentang saya, Anda ketidakpercayaan padasaya, jika saya masih di sini. T-Itulah alasan mengapa saya haruspergi... "Kata-kata, Jessica menangissekarang bahkan lebih keras, benar-benarluar kendali sebagai diaberusaha untuk napasdan menggambar dari YoonA. Tapiitu semua upaya sia-siaKapan YoonA digulung kembalidan dalam hitungan detik,YoonA di bibir berada di miliknya.Bibir bertemu. Lidah bertemu. Jiwa-jiwabertemu.Hati mungkin telah bertemu juga,itu tidak pernah untuk Jessicahati-hati dibangun dinding.Dinding-dinding menahannya darimenjadi rentan; rentan,dalam arti bahwa ia akan sepenuhnyamemberikan gadis ini. Sepenuhnyamemberikan dan melupakan segalanyathat had transpired betweenthem, those painful things.Vulnerability is for theweak.Jessica Jung would never letherself be weak again.She withdrew from the roughkiss, and pushed away fromYoonA.. pushed away tillthey're no longer holdingeach other, and able to holdeach other. The distance waskilling her, every fibre ofher being was shattering asshe looked into thosemiserable, tearful, doe eyes,but she can't go back.She couldn't go back intothose arms.. not now.She needed air. This is whenshe needed that space. ButYoonA was here. YoonA was inher space, and she couldbarely breathe within thesesmall boundaries. YoonAshouldn't be here now. Sheshouldn't have been here inthe first place.."L-Leave me. Leave me, Y-YoonA. C-Can you do that,now? Please..?"Three years before this day,YoonA left her and she criedall her nights away becausethe girl wasn't there. YoonAwasn't there beside her.Right at this instance, YoonAwas here, but she's stillcrying, wailing even as sheasked— as she begged the girlto leave her.Fucking irony.Maybe she's a masochist;because she told YoonA toleave, watched as the girlleaves, and mentally paintedYoonA's face as she left likeit'll be the last time she'sgoing to see her, and itmight be.The door shut, and clicked,and Jessica was alone oncemore. Alone in the miserythat she brought upon her ownself."I.. I-I love you, YoonA.. Istill do.." she croakedbrokenly to the empty room,into the still air, and thesilence mocked her. Sheweakly fell on her knees,onto the floor, and stared atthe closed door as if YoonAwere still behind it, andfound herself tearing upsilently when she realisedYoonA wasn't there, and whyshe wasn't.Yes, maybe Jessica Jung's amasochist.. She's themasochist bringing all thispain to herself and makingall these ironies. God, howshe wished she didn't tellYoonA to leave, that she justlet her stay, and be withher. She wished she couldjust turn the hands of timeand take it all back.She missed YoonA so much..she missed her just the same.But she didn't voice that outand pushed the girl awayinstead. She felt likedying.. the fourth timearound. The pain wasexcruciating, too excessivethat even a numbing pill wouldbe incapable of taking itaway. Everything just felt sowrong.."YoonA.. I-I need you... C-Come back, please.."But YoonA isn't there anymoreto hear any of it.