After my mother falls back to sleep

After my mother falls back to sleep, I go to the grocery store. Kel's favorite food is basagna. It's how he used to say lasagna, so we still call it basagna. I gather everything I need for the meal and I go back home and start cooking.
 
"Smells like basagna," Mom says as she comes out of her bedroom. She's in regular clothes now. She must have taken her scrubs off for the last time.
 
"Yep. I figured we could make Kel his favorite tonight. He'll need it."
 
She walks to the sink and washes her hands before she starts helping me layer the noodles.
 
"So, I guess we finally stopped carving pumpkins?" she asks.
 
"Yep," I reply. "The pumpkins have all been carved."
 
She laughs.
 
"Mom? Before he gets here, we need to talk. About what's going to happen to him."
 
"I want to, Lake. I want to talk about it."
 
"Why don't you want him to be with me? Do you not think I'm capable? That I wouldn't make a good mom?"
 
She layers the last of the noodles as I cover them with sauce.
 
"Lake, I don't think that at all. I just want you to be able to live your life. I've spent the entire last eighteen years raising you, teaching you everything I know. It's supposed to be time for you to go screw up. Make mistakes. Not raise a child."
 
"But sometimes life doesn't happen in chronological order," I say. "You're a prime example of that. If it did, you wouldn't die until you were supposed to. Until you were seventy-seven or so, I think. That's the average age of death."
 
She laughs and shakes her head.
 
"Seriously, Mom. I want him. I want to raise him. He'll want to stay with me, you know he will. You have to give us the choice. We haven't had a choice in any of this. You have to give us this one."
 
"Okay," she says.
 
"Okay? Okay you'll think about it? Or okay, okay?"
 
"Okay, okay."
 
I hug her. I hug her tighter than I've ever hugged her before.
 
"Lake?" she says. "You're getting basagna sauce all over me."
 
I pull away and realize I'm still holding the spatula and it's dripping all over her back.
 
***
 
"Why can't he come over?" Kel asks after I pull in the driveway and send Caulder home.
 
"I told you already. Mom needs to talk to us."
 
We walk inside the house and Mom is putting the basagna in the oven.
 
"Mom, guess what?" Kel says as he runs to the kitchen.
 
"What, Sweetie?"
 
"Our school is having a costume contest on Halloween. The winner gets fifty bucks!"
 
"Fifty bucks? Wow. Have you decided what you want to be yet?"
 
"Not yet." He walks over to the bar and throws his backpack down.
 
"Did your sister tell you we're all having a talk tonight?"
 
"Yeah. She didn't have to, though. We're having basagna."
 
My mother and I both look at him.
 
"Every time we have basagna it's bad news. Y'all cooked basagna when grandpa died. Y'all cooked basagna when y'all told me dad was dead. Y'all cooked basagna when y'all told me we were moving to Michigan. Y'all are cooking basagna right now. Someone's either dying or we're moving back to Texas."
 
My mom looks at me wide eyed, questioning our timing. He seems to have opened it up for an even earlier discussion. She walks over to him and sits down. I follow suit.
 
"You're very observant, that's for sure," she says.
 
"So, which one is it?" he asks, looking up at her.
 
She places her hand on the side of his face and strokes it. "I have lung cancer, Kel."
 
He immediately throws his arms around her and hugs her. She strokes the back of his head, but he doesn't cry. They are both silent for a while as she waits for him to speak.
 
"Are you gonna die?" he finally asks. His voice is muffled because his head is buried in her shirt.
 
"I am, Sweetie. But I don't know when. Until then though, we're going to spend a lot of time together. I quit my job today so that I can spend more time with you."
 
I wasn't sure how he would react. At only nine years old, he probably won't grasp the true reality of it until after she actually passes away. My father's death was sudden and unexpected, which naturally prompted a more dramatic reaction from him.
 
"But what about after you die? Who are we gonna go live with?"
 
"Your sister is an adult now. You're going to live with her."
 
"But I wanna stay here, by Caulder," he says as he lifts his head from her shirt and looks at me. "Layken, are you gonna make me move back to Texas with you?"
 
Up until this very second, I had every intention of moving back to Texas.
 
"No, Kel. We're staying right here."
 
Kel sighs, soaking in everything he's just been told. "Are you scared, Mom?" he asks her.
 
"Not anymore," she says. "I've had a lot of time to accept it. In fact, I feel lucky. Unlike your dad, at least I've got warning. Now I get to spend more time with the two of you here at home."
 
He lets go of my mother and puts his elbows on the bar.
 
"You have to promise me something, Layken."
 
"Okay," I respond.
 
"Don't ever make basagna again."
 
We all laugh. We all laugh. This was the hardest thing my mother and I have ever had to do,