I could see the agony in his eyes.

I could see the agony in his eyes. What had happened to his brother? Jared had thought that life with Katherine was bad, but his father turned out to be a horror. And he had to make the decision to abandon ship without his brother.

“Did you go to the police?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Not at first. There was no way I wanted to deal with that. I just wanted to forget about it. But when my mom saw what happened to me, she forced me to go. I never told them what happened to me, but I did report what happened to my brother. She insisted on taking pictures of me just in case, though. The police took my brother away from my dad and put him into foster care. I wanted him with me, but my mom’s drinking didn’t inspire any confidence with the state.”

“Have you seen your dad since?” I wanted to gag using the word “dad” for a man like that.

“I saw him today.” Jared stunned me. “I see him every weekend.”

“What?! Why?” So that’s where he went, but how could he put himself in the same room as a monster like that?

“Because life’s a bitch, that’s why.” He gave me a bitter smile and looked away. “Last year, after you left for France, I went a little crazy. I drank and got into a lot of fights. Madoc and I both had a ball for a while. I hated that you were gone, but I’d also found out that Jax had been transferred to another foster home after the last family had hit him. It was a bad time.”

He got up to go stand at the window, and I noticed he was clenching his fists. He wasn’t teary anymore. He was pissed.

“So I tracked down his old foster dad, and I fucked him up. Like, really bad.” His eyebrows lifted, but there was no regret in his tone. “He was in the hospital for a week. The judge decided that, while my feelings were understandable, my reaction was not. He thought it would be poetic to sentence me to forced visits with my father in prison, since he was still in jail for abusing my brother as well as the drugs that the cops found at his house. It looked like I was on the same path, so the judge ordered one visit a week for a year.”

“So that’s where you go. To Stateville Prison in Crest Hill.” It wasn’t a question, just a clarification. I remembered the receipts in his room.

“Yeah, every Saturday. Today was my last visit, though.”

I nodded gratefully. “Where is your brother now?”

The first hint of a smile played on Jared’s lips. “He’s in Weston. Safe and sound with a good family. I’ve been seeing him on Sundays. But my mom and I are trying to get the state to agree to let him live with us. She’s been sober for a while. He’s almost seventeen, so it’s not like he’s a kid.”

This was a lot to absorb. I was elated that he’d finally confided in me. He’d been hurt, which had probably made him feel abandoned by the people that should’ve protected him. But I was still puzzled about one thing.

I walked over to him. “Why didn’t you tell me all of this years ago? I could’ve been there for you.” I got up from the bed, and walked over to him.

He ran a hand through his hair and inched away from me to lean on the railing. “When I finally got home that summer, you were my first thought. Well, other than doing what I could to help Jax. I had to see you. My mom could go to hell. All I wanted was you. I loved you.” He gripped the railing at his sides, and his body went rigid. “I went to your house, but your grandma said you were out. She tried to get me to stay. I think she saw that I didn’t look right. But I ran off to find you, anyway. After a while, I found myself at the fish pond in the park.” He raised his eyes to meet mine. “And there you were…with your dad and my mom, playing the little family.”

The little family?

“Jared—” I started.

“Tate, you didn’t do anything wrong. I know that now. You just have to understand my mindset. I had been through hell. I was weak and hurting from the abuse. I was hungry. I’d been betrayed by the people I was supposed to be able to count on: my mom who didn’t help when I needed her, my dad who hurt me and my helpless brother. And then I saw you with our parents, looking like the happy, sweet family. While Jaxon and I were in pain and struggling to make it through every day in one piece, you got to see the mother that I never had. Your dad took you on picnics and for ice cream while mine was whipping me. I felt like no one wanted me and that life moved on without me. No one cared.”

Jared’s mom had gone on a couple of outings with us that summer. My dad was always trying to help her get straight. He loved Jared and knew Katherine was a good person at heart. He was only trying to get her out of the house and show her, in a humble way, what she was missing out on with her own son.

“You became a target, Tate. I hated my parents, I was worried about my brother, and I sure as hell couldn’t rely on anyone but myself. When I hated you, it made me feel better. A lot better. Even after I realized that nothing was your fault, I still couldn’t stop trying to hate you. It felt good, because I couldn’t hurt who I wanted to hurt.”

Silent tears streamed down my face, and Jared walked up to me and cupped my cheeks with his hands. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I know I can make this up to you. Don’t hate me.”

I shook my head. “I don’t hate you. I mean I’m a little pissed, but mostly I just hate the wasted time.”

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close.

“You said you loved me. I hate that we lost that,” I said sadly.

Bending down, he grabbed the backs of my thighs and lifted me up. My breath caught, and I held onto his neck. His warm body only made me want to curl up in him. I wrapped my legs around him as he walked to the bed and sat down.

He put a hand to my face and guided my eyes to his. “We never lost that. As much as I tried, I could never erase you from my heart. That’s why I was such an asshole and kept guys away from you. You were always mine.”

“Are you mine?” I asked as I wiped my tears.

He kissed the corners of my mouth softly, and I felt heat rise up my neck. “Always have been,” he whispered against my mouth.

I wrapped my arms around him, and he held me tight as I buried my face in his neck. My body relaxed into him, knowing without a doubt that we had crossed over. He wouldn’t hurt me again, and I knew that I needed him like water.

“Are you okay?” I asked. It seemed pretty late for such a dumb question, but I wanted to know.

“Are you?” he responded.

And I loved that about him. He’d been abused, abandoned, and helpless to protect his brother. My embarrassment at his hands seemed like small potatoes compared to that. But I also knew that his trauma wasn’t an excuse to treat me badly all those years.

“I will be,” I promised. If he could take the step to trust me with all of this, then I could try to move forward, too.

“I love you, Tate.”

He lay back on the bed, and I fell with him, clutching him tight. We stayed there, just holding each other, until I felt the steady rise and fall of his chest telling me he was asleep.

***

It was after midnight when awoke. I’d fallen asleep half on and half off of Jared’s chest. My legs were entwined with his, my head tucked in his neck, and my arm draped over his chest. His musk and wind scent filled my world, and I closed my eyes as my fingers slowly threaded through his hair. My lips glided up the side of his smooth neck, tasting his salty skin with an uncontrollable need to touch him with more than just my hands.

Damn. He’s asleep. And he looked peaceful, too. Not one worry creased his brow, and no scowl marred his face.

Shaking my head and deciding to leave him alone, I gently crawled off the bed. Heading to the double doors to pull the curtains, I noticed a light rain splattering my window panes.

Perfect. I had Jared and a rainstorm. I couldn’t help but smile.

I tore off my socks and tiptoed out of the bedroom, letting him sleep.

Heading out the backdoor from the kitchen, I stepped onto the porch with my bare feet. My fingers tingled, and I clenched them into fists with the renewed energy coursing through my body already. The air smelled like autumn. Like apples and burnt leaves.

The awning protected me from getting wet, so I walked down the steps and onto the brick patio. Drops of water fell on my feet, spilling between my toes, and the familiar hum of electricity charged my skin. Crossing my arms over my chest to help keep warm, I felt a surge of goose bumps fall over my arms and legs as I listened to the peaceful pitter-patter of rain dotting the trees and ground.

Tilting my head back to let the sprinkles cover my face, I already felt years younger than I’d been feeling lately, and the wind chimes clinking from Ms. Trent’s back yard lulled me into a peaceful meditation.

The rain was getting slightly heavier, and I closed my eyes as the light wind caressed my face. Thoughts drifted through my mind like clouds, and nothing existed but the distant rumble of thunder and my hair floating on the wind around my face.

As the sprinkle started to turn into a downpour, I opened my eyes and twisted around to head back inside. A semblance of calm had fallen over me, but I nearly screamed when I saw Jared leaning against the house by the back door.

“Jared! You scared me. I thought you were asleep.”

I held my hand to my chest, since my heart felt like it was trying to push through my chest.

But Jared wasn’t saying anything, and I straightened up when he started to approach me. His eyes were scary intense. He didn’t look mad, but he still looked about ready to explode.

If only I could move, then I’d meet him halfway. But I was stuck. His piercing eyes were burning me, and he looked…hungry.

When he reached me, his hands rested on my hips, and he just stared into my eyes for a minute. Normally, anyone making direct eye contact with me for too long of a time was uncomfortable,

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

Aku bisa melihat penderitaan di matanya. Apa yang telah terjadi kepada saudaranya? Jared telah berpikir bahwa hidup dengan Katherine yang buruk, tetapi ayahnya ternyata horor. Dan dia harus membuat keputusan untuk meninggalkan kapal tanpa saudaranya."Apakah Anda pergi ke polisi?" Saya bertanya.Ia menggelengkan kepala. "Tidak pada awalnya. Ada tidak ada cara yang saya ingin berurusan dengan itu. Aku hanya ingin lupa tentang hal itu. Tetapi ketika ibu saya melihat apa yang terjadi kepada saya, dia memaksa saya untuk pergi. Aku tidak pernah mengatakan kepada mereka apa yang terjadi kepada saya, tetapi saya tidak melaporkan apa yang terjadi dengan adikku. Dia bersikeras mengambil gambar saya hanya dalam kasus, meskipun. Polisi mengambil saudara saya dari ayah saya dan menempatkannya dalam asuh. Aku ingin dia dengan saya, tetapi ibu saya minum tidak menginspirasi kepercayaan apapun dengan keadaan.""Apakah Anda melihat ayahmu sejak?" Saya ingin muntah menggunakan kata "Ayah" orang seperti itu."Saya melihat dia hari ini." Jared tertegun saya. "Saya melihat dia setiap akhir pekan.""Apa? Kenapa?" Sehingga di mana ia pergi, tapi bagaimana bisa ia menempatkan dirinya di kamar yang sama sebagai rakasa seperti itu?"Karena hidup adalah menyebalkan, itu sebabnya." Dia memberikan senyum pahit dan memalingkan. "Tahun lalu, setelah Anda meninggalkan untuk Perancis, saya pergi sedikit gila. Saya minum dan masuk ke banyak perkelahian. Utica dan saya punya bola untuk sementara. Aku benci bahwa kau pergi, tapi saya akan juga menemukan bahwa Jax telah ditransfer ke rumah orangtua asuh lain setelah keluarga terakhir telah memukulnya. Itu adalah waktu yang buruk."Dia bangun untuk pergi berdiri di jendela, dan aku melihat dia adalah mengepalkan genggamnya. Dia tidak lagi berkaca-kaca. Ia kesal."Jadi saya melacak tua angkat dad, dan saya kacau kepadanya. Seperti, benar-benar buruk. Mengangkat alis nya, tetapi tidak ada penyesalan dalam nada nya. "Dia adalah di rumah sakit selama seminggu. Hakim memutuskan bahwa, sementara perasaan saya dimengerti, reaksi saya tidak. Dia pikir itu akan puitis kalimat saya ke paksa kunjungan dengan ayah saya di penjara karena ia masih dalam penjara untuk menyalahgunakan adikku serta obat-obatan yang polisi ditemukan di rumahnya. Itu tampak seperti aku berada di jalan yang sama, sehingga hakim memesan satu kunjungan seminggu selama setahun.""Jadi itulah mana Anda pergi. Stateville penjara di Crest Hill." Bukan sebuah pertanyaan, hanya klarifikasi. Aku ingat kuitansi di kamar."Ya, setiap hari Sabtu. Hari ini adalah kunjungan terakhir saya, walaupun."Aku mengangguk syukur. "Mana adalah saudara sekarang?"Tanda-tanda pertama senyum dimainkan pada bibir Jared's. "Dia adalah di Weston. Selamat dan sehat dengan baik keluarga. Saya telah melihat dia pada hari Minggu. Tetapi ibu saya dan saya mencoba untuk mendapatkan negara setuju untuk membiarkan dia hidup dengan kami. Dia telah mabuk untuk sementara. Dia adalah hampir tujuh belas tahun, jadi tidak seperti dia adalah anak."Ini adalah yang banyak menyerap. Saya sangat gembira bahwa ia akhirnya telah mengaku pada saya. Dia telah terluka, yang mungkin telah membuat dia merasa ditinggalkan oleh orang-orang yang seharusnya sudah melindunginya. Tapi aku masih bingung tentang satu hal.Aku berjalan ke kepadanya. "Mengapa tidak Anda ceritakan semua ini tahun lalu? Aku bisa berada di sana untuk Anda." Aku bangun dari tempat tidur dan berjalan ke kepadanya.Dia berlari tangan melalui rambutnya dan inchi dari saya untuk bersandar di pagar. "Ketika saya akhirnya mendapat rumah musim panas, Anda yang saya pikir pertama. Nah, Selain melakukan apa yang saya bisa untuk membantu Jax. Aku melihat Anda. Ibu saya bisa pergi ke neraka. Yang saya inginkan adalah Anda. Aku mencintaimu." Ia mencengkeram pagar di sisi tubuhnya, dan tubuhnya pergi kaku. "Aku pergi ke rumah Anda, tetapi nenek Anda mengatakan Anda berada di luar. Dia mencoba untuk mendapatkan saya untuk tinggal. Saya pikir ia melihat bahwa saya tidak melihat kanan. Tapi aku berlari ke menemukan Anda, anyway. Setelah beberapa saat, aku mendapati diriku di kolam ikan di taman." Ia mengangkat mata untuk bertemu dengan saya. "Dan tidak kau... dengan ayahmu dan ibuku, bermain keluarga kecil."Keluarga kecil?"Jared —" saya mulai."Tate, Anda tidak melakukan sesuatu yang salah. Aku tahu bahwa sekarang. Anda hanya perlu memahami pola pikir saya. Aku telah melalui neraka. Saya sangat lemah dan sakit dari penyalahgunaan. Aku merasa lapar. Aku telah mengkhianati oleh orang-orang yang seharusnya saya dapat mengandalkan: ibuku yang tidak membantu ketika saya membutuhkan ayah nya, saya yang menyakiti saya dan kakak saya tak berdaya. Dan kemudian aku melihat Anda dengan orangtua kita, tampak seperti keluarga bahagia, manis. Sementara Jaxon dan aku sakit dan berjuang untuk membuatnya melalui setiap hari dalam satu potong, Anda harus melihat kepada ibu bahwa saya tidak pernah. Ayah Anda membawa Anda piknik dan es krim sementara saya adalah mencambuk saya. Aku merasa seperti tidak ada yang ingin saya dan bahwa hidup pindah tanpa aku. Tak ada yang peduli."Jared's ibu telah pergi pada beberapa acara dengan kami musim panas. Ayah saya selalu mencoba untuk membantunya mendapatkan lurus. Dia mencintai Jared dan tahu Katherine adalah orang yang baik di jantung. Ia hanya berusaha untuk mendapatkan dia keluar dari rumah dan menunjukkan padanya, dalam cara yang sederhana, apa yang dia adalah kehilangan dengan anaknya sendiri."Anda menjadi target, Tate. Aku benci orang tua saya, saya merasa khawatir kakak saya, dan saya yakin sebagai neraka tidak bisa bergantung pada siapa pun kecuali diri sendiri. Ketika aku benci Anda, itu membuat saya merasa lebih baik. Jauh lebih baik. Bahkan setelah saya menyadari bahwa tidak ada kesalahan Anda, aku masih tidak bisa berhenti berusaha untuk membenci Anda. Rasanya baik, karena aku tidak bisa menyakiti siapa saya ingin menyakiti."Silent air mata mengalir di wajahku, dan Jared berjalan ke arahku dan menangkupkan pipiku dengan tangannya. "Saya minta maaf," ia berbisik. "Aku tahu aku bisa membuat ini terserah Anda. Tidak membenci saya."Saya menganggukkan kepala. "Saya tidak membenci Anda. Maksudku aku sedikit kesal, tapi kebanyakan aku hanya benci membuang-buang waktu."Dia membungkus lengannya di sekitar pinggang dan menarik saya dekat."Kau bilang kau mencintaiku. Aku benci bahwa kita kehilangan itu,"kataku sedih.Membengkokkan, Dia menyambar punggung paha saya dan mengangkat saya. Menangkap napas, dan saya memegang lehernya. Tubuhnya hangat hanya membuat saya ingin meringkuk dalam dirinya. Aku membungkus kakiku di sekelilingnya ketika ia berjalan ke tempat tidur dan duduk.Dia meletakkan tangannya ke wajahku dan dipandu mataku nya. "Kami tidak pernah kehilangan itu. Sama seperti aku mencoba, aku tidak pernah bisa menghapus Anda dari hati saya. Itulah mengapa saya seperti bajingan dan memelihara orang-orang dari Anda. Kau selalu saya.""Apakah Anda saya?" Aku bertanya karena aku menyeka air mata saya.Ia mencium sudut-sudut mulut saya lembut, dan saya merasa panas bangkit leher saya. "Selalu telah," ia berbisik terhadap mulutku.Saya melingkarkan tanganku di sekelilingnya, dan ia memegang saya ketat seperti saya dimakamkan wajah di lehernya. Tubuhku santai ke dia, tahu tanpa keraguan bahwa kita telah menyeberang. Dia tidak akan menyakiti saya lagi, dan aku tahu bahwa aku butuh dia seperti air."Apakah Anda baik-baik saja?" Saya bertanya. Tampaknya sangat terlambat untuk sebuah pertanyaan bodoh, tapi saya ingin tahu."Apakah Anda?" Dia menjawab.Dan aku mencintai itu tentang dirinya. Dia telah disalahgunakan, ditinggalkan dan tidak berdaya untuk melindungi saudaranya. Rasa malu tangan-Nya tampak seperti kentang kecil dibandingkan. Tapi aku juga tahu bahwa trauma bukan alasan untuk mengobati saya buruk semua orang tahun."Aku akan," Aku berjanji. Jika dia boleh mengambil langkah untuk percaya padaku dengan semua ini, maka saya bisa mencoba untuk bergerak maju, terlalu."Aku cinta padamu, Tate."Dia berbaring di tempat tidur, dan aku jatuh bersamanya, mencengkeram dia ketat. Kami tinggal di sana, hanya memegang satu sama lain, sampai saya merasa mantap kebangkitan dan kejatuhan dadanya mengatakan ia sedang tidur.***Setelah tengah malam ketika terbangun. Aku telah jatuh tertidur di babak dan setengah dari Jared's dada. Kakiku telah terjalin dengan, saya kepala terselip di lehernya, dan lengan saya tersampir dadanya. Aroma tubuhnya musk dan angin diisi dunia saya, dan saya menutup mata saya sebagai jari-jari saya perlahan-lahan threaded melalui rambutnya. Bibir saya meluncur ke sisi lehernya halus, mencicipi kulitnya asin dengan kebutuhan yang tak terkendali menyentuhnya dengan lebih dari sekedar tangan.Damn. He’s asleep. And he looked peaceful, too. Not one worry creased his brow, and no scowl marred his face.Shaking my head and deciding to leave him alone, I gently crawled off the bed. Heading to the double doors to pull the curtains, I noticed a light rain splattering my window panes.Perfect. I had Jared and a rainstorm. I couldn’t help but smile.I tore off my socks and tiptoed out of the bedroom, letting him sleep.Heading out the backdoor from the kitchen, I stepped onto the porch with my bare feet. My fingers tingled, and I clenched them into fists with the renewed energy coursing through my body already. The air smelled like autumn. Like apples and burnt leaves.The awning protected me from getting wet, so I walked down the steps and onto the brick patio. Drops of water fell on my feet, spilling between my toes, and the familiar hum of electricity charged my skin. Crossing my arms over my chest to help keep warm, I felt a surge of goose bumps fall over my arms and legs as I listened to the peaceful pitter-patter of rain dotting the trees and ground.Tilting my head back to let the sprinkles cover my face, I already felt years younger than I’d been feeling lately, and the wind chimes clinking from Ms. Trent’s back yard lulled me into a peaceful meditation.The rain was getting slightly heavier, and I closed my eyes as the light wind caressed my face. Thoughts drifted through my mind like clouds, and nothing existed but the distant rumble of thunder and my hair floating on the wind around my face.As the sprinkle started to turn into a downpour, I opened my eyes and twisted around to head back inside. A semblance of calm had fallen over me, but I nearly screamed when I saw Jared leaning against the house by the back door.“Jared! You scared me. I thought you were asleep.”I held my hand to my chest, since my heart felt like it was trying to push through my chest.But Jared wasn’t saying anything, and I straightened up when he started to approach me. His eyes were scary intense. He didn’t look mad, but he still looked about ready to explode.If only I could move, then I’d meet him halfway. But I was stuck. His piercing eyes were burning me, and he looked…hungry.When he reached me, his hands rested on my hips, and he just stared into my eyes for a minute. Normally, anyone making direct eye contact with me for too long of a time was uncomfortable,