It was the same boring bra my mom h

It was the same boring bra my mom had been buying for me since I was thirteen.
“Why would you ask me that?”
“I don’t want to be treated any differently,” I spit, finally finding my T-shirt wadded up near my feet.
I bent over to pick it up, but Jude stopped me midway.
“Well, deal with it,” he bit back. “I will treat you differently, not because of your heart problem or the fact that you think you’re physically fragile or weak. I’ll treat you differently because you’re different to me. You matter to me. I will not take your virginity in some random hospital when you’re still recovering from a virus that nearly killed you. You deserve a hell of a lot better than that. So, yeah, I’ll continue to treat you differently because I think you are worthy of more.”
“I-I’m sorry,” I said, stumbling over my words. “I thought—”
“You assumed I stopped because I thought you were so innocent and fragile? The girl writhing and moaning underneath me was neither of those things. I want you, Lailah. I want all of you in every way, but it won’t be here, not like this. I want you slow and tender, fast and hard, and everything in between. When we come together, it will be miles from this place, and I will spend hours helping you cross out that number on your list,” he said with a wink.
I opened my mouth to chastise him, but he spoke before I had the chance, “I know it’s got to be on there somewhere.”
“It is,” I answered. “Number one hundred and twenty-one.”
He smiled and bent down to brush a kiss across my lips.
“So, not number one then?” He reached back to grab my shirt and handed it to me.
“Nope.”
“What could be better than sex?” he joked, the little dimple on his cheek reappearing as he watched the soft cotton fabric float back over my skin.
“Hmm…I don’t know. Guess you’ll just have to find out.”
 

 
I want all of you in every way.
Jude’s heated words had continued to play through my mind well after he’d left, and they had been with me again as I rose the next morning.
Slow and tender…fast and hard.
I’d been a mindless, drooling puddle ever since. I couldn’t even remember what I’d eaten for breakfast. I’d been staring at the same blank page of my journal for well over an hour when my mother waltzed through the door.
“You’re here early,” I said, noting her dressed-down appearance. She was in jeans and a flowery blouse. It was different from the business-casual look she would wear when teaching.
“I canceled my classes today,” she said with a flick of her hand as she settled into the worn blue chair.
“You canceled your classes?” I repeated, tilting my head in shocked surprise.
Unless I was going into surgery or there was an emergency, my mom never canceled class. Her students must be rejoicing today.
“Yes, I wanted to speak to you—alone,” she answered, giving the last word specific emphasis.
“I see.”
Here it comes.
“I did a bit of research on your friend Jude,” she began.
“You did research, Mom?” I asked, holding up my hand to silence her.
“I Googled him.”
A small snort morphed into full-out laughter, and I wrapped my arms around my sides in an attempt to control the roaring inferno. “You…used Google?”
My mom was a teacher, a professor, but she hadn’t quite graduated to the twenty-first century. She carried a cell phone for emergencies. It flipped open and had exactly three numbers programmed into it—the hospital, our home, and Dr. Marcus. The laptop I owned had been given to her by a colleague when he decided to upgrade. My mom had taken one look at the thing and cringed. She used a desktop computer at work and considered it punishment.
According to my mother, all research should be done in a library. Google was for morons and perverts. The fact that she’d used it to look up Jude meant she was flustered and seriously frustrated.
“Yes, I was curious about the boy you’ve been spending so much time with.”
“Mom, he’s twenty-five. He’s hardly a boy.”
She ignored my comment and continued to watch me from her tattered blue throne. “Do you think he’ll take care of you? Is that what this is all about? He’s wealthy and powerful, so you think he’ll protect you?”
I stared at her, my mouth agape, before I let the shock wear off. “Is that what you think of me? What you think of him?”
“I don’t know him,” she answered.
“No, but you know me. Do you think I’d do that? Hand myself over on a silver platter?” I spit.
“I did,” she said softly.
“What?”
“Men promise all sorts of things when they want something, especially when it involves a woman. Your father was no different.”
My breath hitched when I heard her mention him. In my twenty-two years on this earth, she’d only ever spoken about him a handful of times. She never brought him up herself, and she always quickly dismissed the subject of him. The majority of what I knew about the man were small things I’d learned from medical records.
“From the moment we met, I was completely infatuated with him. He made me feel reckless with his constant pursuit. He promised me the moon and the stars, and I believed every word. He said he’d always protect me, but when I became pregnant, he vanished, just like his false promises.”
“Mom…” I started, my voice hoarse from the unshed tears I was holding back for the pain my mother had suffered. “Not all men are like my father.” I realized then that even after that heartfelt story, she still hadn’t revealed his name to me. The only father I knew was faceless and without a name.
“How can you be so sure?” she asked, leaning forward to take my hand in her own.
“I don’t think anyone can be. But isn’t that what life is all about? Taking a risk on something? Someone? Jude is a wonderful person, Mom—a very poor, penniless person,” I added.
Her eyes went wide. “But I thought…he looks so much like…” she stammered.
“He is. That is him. Your Google skills are fine. It’s a long story and one you should probably ask him yourself, but just know that I don’t expect anything from him, and he doesn’t expect anything in return. I know this is stressful for you. I understand that I’m disrupting your sense of control, but please, Mom, let me take this risk, let me love someone.”
She nodded, rising from her seat to join me on the bed. I willingly let her pull me into her arms, loving the way I still fit into her small frame. She was controlling and overbearing at times, but she was my mom. She was my home, and everything she’d done since the moment I came screaming into this world had been because she loved me.
“Just be careful, my little angel.”
I smiled against her chest, remembering how Jude had called me that same sweet thing mere hours earlier. Mom had named me Lailah after the Hebrew angel of pregnancy. When she’d discovered my heart defect during a routine ultrasound, she’d wanted to give me a name that was strong and hopeful. She might not be a religious person, but I thought it was somehow her way of asking for a bit of help to whoever might be listening.
“I will, Mom, I promise.”
She gave me a small squeeze, and I closed my eyes, knowing I’d lied to my mother.
There was nothing careful about falling in love.

Hasil (Bahasa Indonesia) 1:

Itu sama membosankan bra ibuku telah membeli bagi saya sejak saya berusia tiga belas tahun."Mengapa Anda meminta saya yang?""Saya tidak ingin diperlakukan berbeda," Aku spit, akhirnya menemukan T-shirt saya wadded atas dekat kakiku.Aku membungkuk untuk mengambilnya, namun Yudas berhenti saya tengah-tengah."Yah, berurusan dengan itu," dia sedikit kembali. "Aku akan memperlakukan Anda berbeda, bukan karena masalah jantung Anda atau fakta bahwa Anda berpikir Anda secara fisik rapuh atau lemah. Saya akan traktir Anda berbeda karena Anda berbeda dengan me. Anda peduli padaku. Saya tidak akan mengambil keperawanan Anda di rumah sakit beberapa acak ketika Anda sedang masih belum pulih dari virus yang hampir membunuh Anda. Anda layak neraka yang jauh lebih baik dari itu. Jadi, ya, aku akan terus memperlakukan Anda berbeda karena saya pikir layak lebih.""Aku-aku minta maaf," kataku, tersandung atas kata-kata saya. "Saya pikir —""Anda menganggap saya berhenti karena saya pikir kau begitu tidak bersalah dan rapuh? Gadis geliatan akan pandanggan dan mengerang di bawah saya adalah tak satu pun dari hal-hal. Saya ingin Anda, Lailah. Saya ingin Anda dalam segala hal, tapi itu tidak akan di sini, tidak seperti ini. Saya ingin Anda lambat dan lembut, cepat dan sulit, dan segala sesuatu di antaranya. Ketika kita datang bersama-sama, akan mil dari tempat ini, dan aku akan menghabiskan berjam-jam membantu Anda menyeberang bahwa nomor pada daftar Anda,"katanya dengan mengedipkan mata.Aku membuka mulut untuk chastise dia, tetapi ia berbicara sebelum aku punya kesempatan, "Aku tahu itu harus berada di sana di suatu tempat.""Itu adalah," jawabku. "Nomor satu ratus dan dua puluh satu."Dia tersenyum dan membungkuk ke sikat ciuman di bibir saya."Jadi, tidak nomor satu kemudian?" Dia mencapai kembali untuk mengambil kemeja dan memberikannya kepada saya."Tidak.""Apa bisa lebih baik daripada seks?" dia berkelakar, lesung kecil di nya pipi reappearing saat ia melihat mengapung kain katun lembut kembali kulit saya."Hmm... Saya tidak tahu. Kira Anda akan hanya perlu mengetahui."  Saya ingin Anda dalam setiap cara.Kata-kata panas Yudas telah terus bermain melalui baik pikiran saya setelah ia telah pergi, dan mereka telah dengan saya lagi ketika aku bangkit pagi berikutnya.Lambat dan lembut... cepat dan sulit.Saya telah genangan mindless, drooling sejak. Aku bahkan tidak bisa ingat apa yang saya harus makan untuk sarapan. Saya telah menatap halaman kosong yang sama dari jurnal saya selama lebih dari satu jam ketika ibuku waltzed melalui pintu."Kau di sini lebih awal," kataku, mencatat penampilan berpakaian-bawah. Dia berada di jeans dan blus bunga. Hal ini berbeda dari tampilan kasual bisnis yang ia akan memakai ketika mengajar."Saya membatalkan kelas saya hari ini," katanya dengan lambaian tangannya sebagai dia menetap ke kursi biru dipakai."Anda dibatalkan kelas Anda?" Aku mengulang, memiringkan kepala saya terkejut kejutan.Kecuali aku akan ke operasi atau ada keadaan darurat, ibuku tidak pernah dibatalkan kelas. Siswa harus sukacita hari ini."Ya, saya ingin berbicara kepada Anda-sendiri," jawabnya, memberikan penekanan khusus kata terakhir.“I see.”Here it comes.“I did a bit of research on your friend Jude,” she began.“You did research, Mom?” I asked, holding up my hand to silence her.“I Googled him.”A small snort morphed into full-out laughter, and I wrapped my arms around my sides in an attempt to control the roaring inferno. “You…used Google?”My mom was a teacher, a professor, but she hadn’t quite graduated to the twenty-first century. She carried a cell phone for emergencies. It flipped open and had exactly three numbers programmed into it—the hospital, our home, and Dr. Marcus. The laptop I owned had been given to her by a colleague when he decided to upgrade. My mom had taken one look at the thing and cringed. She used a desktop computer at work and considered it punishment.According to my mother, all research should be done in a library. Google was for morons and perverts. The fact that she’d used it to look up Jude meant she was flustered and seriously frustrated.“Yes, I was curious about the boy you’ve been spending so much time with.”“Mom, he’s twenty-five. He’s hardly a boy.”She ignored my comment and continued to watch me from her tattered blue throne. “Do you think he’ll take care of you? Is that what this is all about? He’s wealthy and powerful, so you think he’ll protect you?”I stared at her, my mouth agape, before I let the shock wear off. “Is that what you think of me? What you think of him?”“I don’t know him,” she answered.“No, but you know me. Do you think I’d do that? Hand myself over on a silver platter?” I spit.“I did,” she said softly.“What?”“Men promise all sorts of things when they want something, especially when it involves a woman. Your father was no different.”My breath hitched when I heard her mention him. In my twenty-two years on this earth, she’d only ever spoken about him a handful of times. She never brought him up herself, and she always quickly dismissed the subject of him. The majority of what I knew about the man were small things I’d learned from medical records.“From the moment we met, I was completely infatuated with him. He made me feel reckless with his constant pursuit. He promised me the moon and the stars, and I believed every word. He said he’d always protect me, but when I became pregnant, he vanished, just like his false promises.”“Mom…” I started, my voice hoarse from the unshed tears I was holding back for the pain my mother had suffered. “Not all men are like my father.” I realized then that even after that heartfelt story, she still hadn’t revealed his name to me. The only father I knew was faceless and without a name.“How can you be so sure?” she asked, leaning forward to take my hand in her own.“I don’t think anyone can be. But isn’t that what life is all about? Taking a risk on something? Someone? Jude is a wonderful person, Mom—a very poor, penniless person,” I added.Her eyes went wide. “But I thought…he looks so much like…” she stammered.“He is. That is him. Your Google skills are fine. It’s a long story and one you should probably ask him yourself, but just know that I don’t expect anything from him, and he doesn’t expect anything in return. I know this is stressful for you. I understand that I’m disrupting your sense of control, but please, Mom, let me take this risk, let me love someone.”She nodded, rising from her seat to join me on the bed. I willingly let her pull me into her arms, loving the way I still fit into her small frame. She was controlling and overbearing at times, but she was my mom. She was my home, and everything she’d done since the moment I came screaming into this world had been because she loved me.“Just be careful, my little angel.”I smiled against her chest, remembering how Jude had called me that same sweet thing mere hours earlier. Mom had named me Lailah after the Hebrew angel of pregnancy. When she’d discovered my heart defect during a routine ultrasound, she’d wanted to give me a name that was strong and hopeful. She might not be a religious person, but I thought it was somehow her way of asking for a bit of help to whoever might be listening.“I will, Mom, I promise.”She gave me a small squeeze, and I closed my eyes, knowing I’d lied to my mother.There was nothing careful about falling in love.